I don't know why it hit me tonight. I just feel so sad and alone. My Wh came by a few minutes ago to pick up our dog. He's (well, his parents) are watching him while me and my son are away for the weekend. I just walked out there and handed him the dog and walked back in. I didn't say anyting to him. He was talking to our son and was so cheery and seemed so happy. I don't know why that makes me so sad. I guess I just feel like he doesn't even care that I'm in pain. I just don't understand!!!! UUUGGHHHHH...why am I so sad? I don't want him back but I'm just depressed.

I'm sorry you're so sad. Sometimes it hits us out of the blue like that, and it's hard to step back and see what you're grateful for. Instead you spend a little time dwelling on what you're missing. I totally understand. I've been through a rough patch the past few days myself, and the most odd things are triggering me. I find myself missing my FOW, when I have my H beside me, supporting me and being so wonderful. Strange what the mind can do.

Hang in there. Try to do something for yourself. Take a bubblebath. Try to relax. Watch something funny on tv. Take care of you.

CC

Thank you Buttercup!
I was doing so good and then all of a sudden "boom"....I just started crying! I hate feeling so sad. I wish I could just fast forward my life a year or two. I want to be happy again. When will that be?????

I'm going to go take a hot bath and try to relax. I'll go snuggle with my son too....that ususally helps.

TreeReich,

Sounds good (about snuggling). After a few phone calls that I have to make, I'm going to do the same thing. We planned on watching all of the shows on NBC tonight--comedy to dull the senses!

Sorry you're going through a rough time. Just try to hold onto some small thing that brings some happiness, and hopefully it'll grow from there. I'm trying!!!!! Take care!

CC

Thank you!!!! I hope you enjoy your night. I'm going to try to find something funny on t.v. too.

<small>[ January 13, 2005, 07:45 PM: Message edited by: TreeReich ]</small>

Gee ..... {{{{{Tree}}}}}

I don't think anyone can tell you when you will be happy again. Probably be awhile. But hey, there are times you are happy now. Embrace them Tree.

Sometimes I feel so happy, so liberated, so free, so just dang good about myself and my future.

And sometimes I feel lonely. But I know I won't spend my life alone. That is not the kind of guy I am. I need a partner, someone to be a part of, someone to share with.

As terrible as having a cheating wife, and seeing my childrens world ripped apart. The only bright side I can see is that I will be a much better partner to the next person.

Someday I'll get over (WE WILL) get over the pain of our aduluturous(sp) spouses. I will have a harder time getting over the sadness of seeing my children robbed of the life they deserved. They were robbed by an internet pervert and a wayward cheating mother.

Sorry for the vent. Guess I'm having a moment myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Take care of yourself TR. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ January 13, 2005, 07:33 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

TJ..
You are right....I will embrace the happy moments that I do have. My son just came into my room and gave me a big hug. Now, that is a happy moment!!!! We are getting ready to go fix some strawberries dipped in chocolate. I need that right now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am not the kind of person who wants to spend my life alone either. I enjoy doing couples things. I want to be loved and cherished. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Trish I think its important that you do not have an ambition to be a 'cockeyed optimist' (c) Doris day.

The man who PROMISED to care for you , love you and cherish you has let you down in the harshest way possible.

You leaned on him hard, when he moved away, you fell over.

While your HEAD tells you that its not your fault, your Spaz WH hasn't compared you to Frenchie and found you worse bla bla, you KNOW that the dynamics of affairs mean its probably like 1% about you and 99% about his character flaws BUT your heart tells you you must be a bad an dunlovable mother,wife, friend , partner;; ugly, worthless.

How do I know? I felt EXACTLY the same way. Let down, unlovable. Alone, unused to dealing with everything by myself.

You are ALLOWED To feel sad at this, it is saddening, and maddening and unfair.

What I did ( and still do) is consider sad days to be aches like a limb does when its recovering from a break.

Hurst like heck BUT it shealing all teh while.

Never forget that your heart is healing while you hurt. He will never be able to hurt you like that again. You have taken back the permission you gave him to do that.

I found that dressing up , looking GOOD and going out with friends was a great 'asprin' for the 'ache'.

You have more hurtin' to do, trish, but it shealing hurt now, not killing hurt.

Roll with it and never forget you are a beautiful, faithful tigress Mother who deserves to be somebody's everything.

{{{{tree}}}}

Dont worry Tree....we've all been there too. At times I feel the same way....thinking of her & wishing it was totally different. I went thru my stages. First stage... I couldnt eat or sleep for days. Second stage....denial. Third stage....anger. Fourth....acceptance. Once in a while I will think about her & wonder. Having someone who them & tells you stuff about them doesnt help sometimes. I was told this week that she doesnt work at the same place anymore....unfortunately its a reminder & can jog memories. Tom is right...in the long run it makes you a better person. Coming to this site initself is an education in looking at the mirror...hopefully changing for the better. Would they bother doing that...no. They think they know everything. Thats where we have them beat. We have accepted the fact that we dont know everything about life & marriage. BUT, we have made steps in changing our perception & making positive changes. They are bound to repeat the same mistakes over & over.

Time flys, believe me. I didnt think I would ever make it this far. Its been a year exactly since I got the 'we need to talk' speech. I will always remember Jan 17th as the day of pain. But I have made it though...Ive made it a year. I have gained so much knowledge from reading about relationships & what makes them work. She hasn't at all. I get satisfaction from knowing that. Time will go by, and later you will look back & wonder why you felt so sad then.....that it wasnt worth the effort.

Bob...
You always have a wy of making me feel better. I do feel all those things you mentioned. I ask myself why?
I do know that it's not me. I am a good person with lots of love to give. He is the one that has the issues.

I look forward to the day when I am somebody's everything! Thanks Bob! Hope things are going good for you! I pray for ya!

Jeffrey...
Thank you so much! I know in time I will feel great and wonder why I was so sad over my WH. He probably will do the same thing to OW that he did to me. How can they be truly happy when they've caused other people so much pain? He says he's happy but his actions don't show me that.
Glad to hear that you are feeling good after a year. I can't wait to feel that!!!!!!

Hi Tree...I'm sorry to hear about your having a bad night...it's difficult, but these times do, with time, become less and less. However, I commiserate with you tonight. I left the house bright and chipper this morning, and with a rough day at work and learning of the impending death of a patient of our practice, I started to get very sad. I'm thinking of the pain the family is experiencing at the moment and how my situation is so insignificant. Yet, my little selfish brain allowed some of my own sadness to seep in and now I'm feeling the pangs of lonliness. Thankfully it is nearing my bedtime and I have to finish writing an article. My point is that triggers come at all times and may not always be related. Just make sure you have a reserve of "something to do" in order to offset it.

Looking at the son is one of those "somethings"...that cheered u up...keep doing it...lol.

karena,
Sorry to hear that you had a rough day also. Sometimes it's the smallest things that trigger sadness.
My son is the light of my life and I am so grateful to have him with me. He brings me such happiness.

I have started making jewelry so that I have something to do while my son is on his overnights with his dad. I actually enjoy it very much. I've become addicated to making jewelry now. I'm going to start selling it for extra money. They are very pretty if I must say so myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
It does keep my mind occupied!

{{{{{Tree}}}}}

Heh! I'm a tree hugger.

There is nothing wrong with appreciating your pain. I don't give myself a rough time about "other people have it worse" any more. Our suffering is real, and it means something, and it is serious.

The pain train takes the BS for a long ride. Longer than we want. Too long. Then we get off, and we are clean, clean, clean.

Like the obvious metaphor in The Shawshank Redemption where Tim Robbins crawls through a filthy sewer pipe, then comes out the other end and emerges from the river, clean.

GC

I guess I just feel like he doesn't even care that I'm in pain.

does he care...

well i am a huge believer in mans humanity...
even in our struggles we hold on to what we know is right...even when we choose the wrong way over and over....

to show caring about your pain...well that'd be opening a can of worms that he can not face...

for surely at the bottom of that can is a clear reflection of him....

he cares tree...
he just shoves and bottles it up....

better for you to have little to no contact with him right now...
OR
be even more happy and mysterious...

have you hinted or given any illusion that YOU are moving on....?

might be time for some mysterious flowers to show up on your front door...
with a mysterious note.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

might be time to call and ASK him to take son...cause 'something came up" and you really would like to go.....

his bravodo is infuriating...

and he may dam well be happy....
but it is not inner happiness that we have when our actions are right with the world...

it is a happiness that no person should envy ever...

ARK

INFACT tree..

what's your best guess about how the philosopher act if YOU were to start having someone else interested in you....??

It's fine line to walk...

cause you don't really want to involve any third party...but you sure can create an imaginary situation that appears so....but remains all innocent...

have you ever read Carolkh's story....
it's an awesome story...close in some ways to yours....

ARK

cause you don't really want to involve any third party...but you sure can create an imaginary situation that appears so....but remains all innocent...

I just love this advice. Tree and so many others are leaving this little ace in the hole well in the hole. There is NOTHING like a little innocent jealousy to perhaps start the ball moving in the other direction. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Done right and in the most sutlelist (is that a word) of ways.

GC....I know that every tear I cry brings me closer to happiness! Clean, clean, clean!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Thanks for being a Tree Hugger! LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ark and weaver.....Actually I have dropped a few hints that there might be someone else interested in me. The flowers sound like a good idea too. Hmmmmmmmm.....I will have to see what I can do.

I haven't seen Carolkh's story. I'll have to see if I can find it.

Here you go Tree. I hope this link works!

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=014880#000002

I also wonder if in your situation, if you were very upbeat and carefree, your WH might take notice. I know that is real hard when you are in that black hole of despair, but you have to get his focus back on you. The sad, down look dosen't work with a lot of waywards. They don't want to have to look at what they have done. Imagine him leaving you and wondering, "hmmm.. what's up with Tree?, Something is making her haapy, and its not ME!" Be evasive about your new found happiness, be preoccupied happy... like an inside joke that he is not in the loop about. It will keep him up at night. Imagine OW's reaction to him obsessing about it...lol
You can do it Tree...

I know when I was feeling sad after WH left, it wasn't that I missed him, it was that I missed that life I had. I started looking at the things we had, the M life, the nuclear famil, those things I would no longer have. I missed my life...not necessarily him, but how he was a piece to the puzzle, and how I would no longer be with the father of my children, etc. I would make myself crazy thinking all the things I would not have, the loss and grief for my old LIFE...not him.

It's OK to grieve for that old life.