I posted this last night in the Plan A / Plan B forum, but no responses yet. I am thinking of going to plan B as a last ditch effort soon and would like some help with my plan B letter.

Thanks,

BM,BO

Gonna quote it here so people don't have to go back and forth:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
WW/STBXW, I do still love you. I have been trying to convince myself otherwise, but can't because those feelings are still there. A big part of me still wishes we could work this out, but in order for me to want to do that I would need the following things from you. If these are not things you think you can do for me please let me know. I need to know you love me for me and want this to work out. I have felt like your second choice in this matter and if I am going to remain your husband I need to know I come #1 with you. If you can't do these things for me then I think it's best if we have as little contact as possible until you can decide what you truly want. Do you want our family? Do you want to start new with OM and *hope* it turns out better than what we could have? I again am willing to put in 110% toward bettering myself and our marriage *if* you are willing to do the same and that means I would need the following things to be met by you. I realize you too have a list of items that you would need for me to do, and I have no problem doing any of those things, but am only willing to do them should you reciprocate on your end.

1) No more contact with OM, ever again.
2) Do as you say, and say as you do.
3) Cut up all credit cards, close all credit card accounts, agree to not open a new credit card without speaking with me first. Set budget and live by it.
4) Continue with independent counselling and speak to your him about being raped and try to put that behind you so you are more open to sex and possibly able to finally enjoy it.
5) Continue with marriage counselling
6) Come to me with any issues you have, especially if they are with me. I promise I will listen this time around. I now know better.
7) No more secrets or lies, I need complete honesty, live life as an open book.
8) You would have to understand that until that trust is regained I will be verifying things so that I can feel secure that you are not still hiding things from me. Please don't be upset with that. Remember - "those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing"
9) Upgrade you cell phone to detailed billing.

I do still love you and hope for our family you will be willing to work on us. If you can't do these things for me, then it is best if we go our separate ways. I do love you, I do love our family, I do want to work this out, but I need you to want this just as badly. If you can't do these things then you do not want this badly enough and I know it is not meant to be. I wish you happiness in your future as you deserve it. I hope you do not regret the choice you have made. I know I will be fine as I have expressed to you my feelings and my desire to do whatever it takes to make this work. If you choose not to believe that then there is nothing more I can do but walk away. I have done all I can, and I will be able to live with myself knowing so. One person cannot save a marriage. Just as it took two of us to get to the point we are at it will take two of us to repair what went wrong. You would need to allow me to love you, but with OM in your life you do not allow me to love you the way I want to or should.

Love,
BM,BO
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think this needs some editing. I'll look it over and see what I feel could be changed. Hopefully others will chime in.

Okay, I started going over this, lol, and was totally rewriting your letter. You're not being direct enough. Don't say I still love you. Just say "I love you." Don't say you've tried to get your feelings away--that doesn't belong here. You're writing a love letter. Don't say you wish you could work it out. Say you want to rebuild the marriage. You need to apologize for your mistakes (get specific) and briefly explain how you have and are planning to change. You do not want "as little constact as possible". You want no contact with her and if you've got children, arrangements can be made through someone else.

Are you only willing to change if she changes and reciprocates? If that's not what you meant, that's how your letter reads. If it is the case that you're only willing to change if she does, then I feel maybe you need to rethink that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by aislinn:
<strong> Okay, I started going over this, lol, and was totally rewriting your letter. You're not being direct enough. Don't say I still love you. Just say "I love you." Don't say you've tried to get your feelings away--that doesn't belong here. You're writing a love letter. Don't say you wish you could work it out. Say you want to rebuild the marriage. You need to apologize for your mistakes (get specific) and briefly explain how you have and are planning to change. You do not want "as little constact as possible". You want no contact with her and if you've got children, arrangements can be made through someone else.

Are you only willing to change if she changes and reciprocates? If that's not what you meant, that's how your letter reads. If it is the case that you're only willing to change if she does, then I feel maybe you need to rethink that. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay. I see. Not writing a love letter. As far as only if she reciprocates, lol that is what I meant. I do not want this M unless she makes some changes too. Not just giving up the OM.

No, Betterman. A Plan B letter is supposed to be a love letter of sorts. You've got all kind of demands and judgements in yours. conditions for reconciliation should be there, but saying something like "Do as you say, and say as you do." just doesn't belong in there.

What I meant was that it seems like you're only willing to change if she's willing to change. Your Plan A was supposed to be about changing *you*. Did you do a Plan A?

I absolutely agree that reconciliation should happen only if she can agree to and abide by your conditions. But you should make changes whether or not your marriage is reconciled.

I don't know your whole story, so please take all this with a grain of salt. Your letter just seems judgemental to me.

Use the Plan B letter in "Surviving An Affair".

(((((Ken))))))

When did you decide to go to Plan B??? Have you already gone to the cocktail party we talked about???

I'm gonna go read your plan B letter right now

You're such a great guy, I hate that you're going through all this.

-Caren

Better-

Here is the letter right out of the SAA Book, I copied it out of the book for ya.....so just make adjustments in it to fit your sitch.

From Surviving An Affair By Dr. Williard F. Harley Jr and Dr. Jennifer Harley Chalmers
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My Dear ________:
I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with ______ possible. I foolishly pursued my career without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most, and we are now both suffereing for my mistake.
I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that will meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship with _____ once and for all.
Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. I will also not be able to help you financially. Our friends Jane and Paul have agreed to help make arrangements for you to visit the children whenever you would like. But I will not be here when you visit. If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter, it will have to be through Jane and Paul.
I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffereing I have endured because of your relationship with _____, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that you are with him. I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.
As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from _______ and are willing to follow the measures that were suggested to ensure total separation, I will be willing to discuss our future together.
I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend.
I loved you when were married and I continue to love your right up to this day. I just cannot be with you or help you as long as you are seeing __________.
With my love,
BetterMan </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just thought it might help to be able to copy/paste it to word pad and then edit it to fit from there.

-Caren

Thanks all.

Caren, I am not going to plan B just yet. My WW/STBX filed a motion to have me court ordered out of the house. The hearing is scheduled for Valentines Day (is that some kind of joke or what?) and if I get ordered out of the house I will go to plan B at that point. I just wanted to get my letter all ready for that time.