I am new to this site but not to infidelity(I have been posting on another board for almost 2 years). I posted my story on the Divorce Forum.

Just trying to make it through the night. As much as I try, I can't sleep(it's been three days) and I am afraid that if I start crying, I am never going to stop.

Just hang in there, I am in the same situation, I know it's hard. Just always pray to GOD and if you feel crying just let it out. When I feel crying I feel like I am a bucket of water just cant stop from over flowing. If you have yahoo messenger my screen name is heartiswounded4ever

I am downloading it right now because I don't feel like I can get through the night.

Welcome jody...not sure of what site you were on, but not sure there's a better site than MB. I haven't checked your sit yet, but there's great support and info...many wise opinions that can give you some direction. Unfortunately, most post when they should be working! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Seriously though, it does get slow around the weekends and "night-time" in the U.S.

Read up on all of the info in the meantime. You're at the right place in a very bad time.

You will get through it, Just hang on you are not alone, I am still feeling the ups and down myself and it's been six months that I am away from my WS and I miss her so much. Hang in there and keep praying to god to walk you through this process. I know it's not easy to get out of it, but time will heal all wounds

Hi Jody -

Night time during the weekends are really slow around here... I'm in Afghanistan so I'm 10.5 hrs ahead of everyone in the U.S....

There are some great people here that can help you if you have some specific issues... but none of us can take the place of a good, pro-marriage marriage counselor...

Let us know if there's anything we can help you with...

Semper Fi,
RIF

Hi all.

Thanks for responding.

We did see the MC for awhile and as much as I wanted to hold my marriage together, he now tells me that he thinks I am disgusting and that he never loved me.

I believe NOW, that he has been doing cocaine since the first affair 2 years ago. His personality changed. It sure would explain how my sweet natured H could become an abusive jerk.

You have a full plate--of nothing you asked for. Your WH obviously has an addictive personality and expert "escape" artist. Unfortunately, with many addicts (A's and drugs et al--I'm a recovering gambler and FWH), it takes rock bottom for them to wake up. (Glad I never hit that low.) His placing of the blame on you is himself lost in reality--talk about an avoider.

One thing I've consistently read when it comes to abuse is document everything. Keep a journal of ALL of his beahviours and actions.

So glad you have a group of friends as you do. They sound like a great support system for you already.

There are some "plans" you can start. HOWEVER, when it comes to drug abuse which leads to physical/emotional abuse, all bets are off and you need to protect yourself and your children. How old are they?

I'm also a little confused over one of his A's. Did you say that it was with your niece? How old is she?

I also wanted to add, tha it is great that you are taking care of YOU. If anything at all, you need to be strong for yourself and your children. You already sound that way, from everything he's put you through.

My kids are 9, 8, and 6. They don't understand. Their dad has tucked them everynight since they were born and now he isn't here and hasn't contacted them at all.

It's confusing but my H slept with this girl named Mandy. My niece also slept with her(on a different occasion).

Yuck.

Oh. No, they don't understand--but they do. Don't underestimate your chidren! They may not understand the dynamics, but you may be surprised at how much they do comprehend about "Daddy." You said you and your children are at your Mom,s right? Basic question, but I have to ask: the four of you are safe, right?

No, we are at home.

We stayed with my friends during the day today but came home tonight.

He had my house keys. Because he is using drugs and his personality has changed so much(he hit me once recently), I am afraid to be here. Some of my male friends when to where he was staying and "requested" my keys. At least I can lock the doors.

Unfortunately, he has the car, all the money, and the bankcards. Being that it's -50C here, I couldn't even take my kids to school.

He left on his own will right? Change the locks--for your and your children's protection. The man is obviously unstable and capable of doing physical harm.

Regarding the bank cards...I can only assume it's a joint account, right? Withdraw enough that you can survive on. I would also pursue a restraining order--again, you need to protect you and your children. Document everything. This is more than having A's and doing drugs--this is you and your children's safety.

Is anyone of your friends in the legal field? IMHO, you need to start legally protecting your family as well.

It's almost 3am here. I just cant hang any longer. Go check on your children, make sure everything is locked (for your own peace of mind) then go get some sleep yourself. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of your children, right?

THis seems all too much. Overbearing. But you need a plan. YOu need a plan to keep you healthy and safety for your family. You can do this. You've already been through so much as you've said already. It's time for you and your children. I'm sure more will chime in as the sun rises--and it will.

I wish I've given some hope and comfort to you.

Prayers for you and your children.

I appreciate you staying awake as long as you did. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It wasn't a joint account. My H originally had a business partner and so the account belonged to the two of them. 3 months ago, we bought the partner out and being the trusting idiot that I am, I didn't say anything when he left the account in his name. There is no way to access it and I am pretty sure that he has cleaned it out.

I've put a lot of supports in place. I saw a therapist today. I called the MC as suggested to me by the crisis unit. I told him that my H is suicidal and he is going to make sure he is okay. I called about a divorce support group. I've talked to the lawyer and the police.

His parents do not know about any of this. I didn't know whether I should tell them or not.

I am sitting here with the phone numbers of three OW's and wondering whether I should call.

What would you want to call them for, honey? I'll be here for awhile if you want to talk.

Hey Jody,

I'm still here... it's about 40 minutes after noon here so I've got lots of time before I go to bed!

I'm sorry about your H. Don't really have any experiences to offer up... other than I'll be praying for you and your kids and your H...

The most important thing for you to do is to protect yourself and your children...

Semper Fi,
RIF

-50 below? where are you, siberia? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jody,

Welcome to MB. Sorry you are in such a sad and difficult situation. There is such a thing as an emergency c/s hearing isn't there? Check out the women's abuse hotline and find out your options.

If you are afraid he will come after you and your children, go to a safe place.

Expose it all to his parents before he brainwashes them.

2 years is a long time to be wondering what to do.

Do you have a good MC? Please read the concept section above. Go to the library and get Love must be tough by Dr. James Dobson and Surviving an Affair by Dr. W. Harley. Later you can check out His needs/Her needs also by Dr. Harley.

In the meantime, secure your financial options and your home. File for c/s and full custody. Mention the possible drug use. Is that confirmed or do you just suspect? Many a WS act like they are spaced out on something. I thought my Ws was also but it was the A. It sure make him kooky though. YIKES!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Make a plan after you read those books.

Be safe.

take care,
L.

I'm Canadian hence the cold weather. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'll answer questions the best I can.

Eventhough his parents really don't like me, I want to tell them so that his life is not on my conscience. He told me that if told anyone about his drug use, he would harm himself. When my friends went where he is staying to pick up my housekeys, he was alone, sitting in a dark room. It concerns me. My H has been stoned pretty much, since our original Dday. Should he sober up and have to face what he has done, the shame and guilt will be enough for him to want to kill himself. I feel like I have to do something.

I did ask for an emergency hearing but the lawyer didn't seem to think that this was an emergency. He also said that if my H comes and attempts to take the kids, there is nothing I can do about it. I have to let them go.

Everything is such a mess and I am sitting on pins and needles. My H is not himself and it leaves me afraid of what he will do.

Jody, do they not have child protective services in Canada? I would report your H if you can so that an investigation will be on file. I cannot believe that any attorney worth their weight would tell you that you have to allow your drug addicted H take the kids. What if something happens to them? Get another attorney fast!