Well, today is the day, I can't take it anymore. We can't/won't stop contact with OW and my heart is too bruised to keep feeling it.

I saw a girl at the gym this morning that could have been a twin to OW....just the sight of her made me angry and bitter.

I've tried to meet ENs since Dday(as much as he allows), kept eating, smile for the kids, go to work, cook and clean, and still having sex too. He needs to go.

I was most scared of being alone, then I realized how lonely I've been....I'm already used to it.

Hope it goes well, we had planned for another month, but I can't stomach it anymore. Wish me luck!!

I do wish you the best of luck <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I don't know you're story, I do hope for the best.

It is tough to be alone in a M, I think most here would agree, I hope you have done the best for you and you're family.

Good luck MommyCBaby, I too know how you feel. I am real close to doing the same thing myself. My WW/STBXW just won't give up wonderboy. She keeps telling me she can't decide. Well, it's been almost 5 months since her A started and almost 4 months since I discovered it. How much time does she need?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Jo Dee Messina - Bye, Bye
Boy you sure look good there standin' in the doorway in the sunset light
Maybe I read you wrong thinkin' you could be my Mr. Right
I was puttin' my heart and soul on the line
Said you needed some time, just a little more time to make up your mind
Well it's been long enough
Time is up

Bye bye love I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rearview mirror torn off
I ain't never lookin' back and that's a fact
I've tried all I can imagine
I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion
I've got pride I'm takin' it for a ride
Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye

Don't think all those tears are gonna hold me here like they've done before
You'll find what's left of us in a cloud of dust on highway 4
Baby what did you expect me to do
Just sit around and wait on you
Well I'm through watchin' you just skate around the truth
And I know it sounds trite
I've seen the light

Bye bye love I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rearview mirror torn off
'Cause I ain't never lookin' back, and that's a fact
I've tried all I can imagine
I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion
I've got pride I'm takin' it for a ride
Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye

I'd lost the game I guess
I did my best to win the part
Now I'm leavin' here with what's left of my heart
Bye bye, I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rearview mirror torn off
'Cause I ain't never lookin' back you can count on that
I've tried all I can imagine
I've begged and pleaded in true lover's fashion
I've got pride I'm takin' it for a ride
Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye
Bye bye
Ooh baby
Ooh
Bye bye, bye bye my baby, bye bye
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MIF?

Also...
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">From the song Free Will by Rush
You can choose a ready guide
In some celestial voice.
If you choose not to decide
You still have made a choice
You can choose from phantom fears
And kindness that can kill;
I will choose a path that's clear-
I will choose free will</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MIF?

I am sorry that you are going through this.
I don't know your story...but I am assuming that you mean your going into plan B?

You can do it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Come here for support. I can honestly say without this group I would be LOST.

MIF, I love that song!

Danielle

I told him that I couldn't continue to live with him while there was still contact with OW. I expected a little resistance or something. Instead, he said he understood and that he would be gone tonight.

He's packed an overnight bag and left already!! He said he'll stay away as much as possible until the other arrangements were ready (we had already been planning this, but our friend's spare room isn't ready until someone else moves out in a couple weeks).

Funny, he just took my 13 year old son out to dinner last night to talk with him (it was his father's week for visitation, my H has been a "father" for him since he was almost 4....son has ADD and is also socially immature, out of all 4 parents, he has always talked most and deeper with my WH). My son took it extremely well, called it a "trial separation". We wanted him to know what was going on, here it is the next day and it's started already.

I was hoping that he wouldn't be able to do it, but he did. I couldn't stop the tears, I don't want this but it must happen. He told me I could call him tonight, because he would be alone, but I won't.

I thought everything else was rough and hurt too much. This is almost unbearable <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I have my 5 and 3 year old sons with me, but I feel so alone. Why can't science find a cure for this??? It is obviously not my husband, either he's infected with some kind of mind-altering disease or there's some DNA malfunction. This from the man who promised to always protect him? Who will protect me from him?????

Just letting it out...thanks for listening.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

{{{{MCB}}}}}
So sorry for your pain.I asked myself how can he just walk out on me? Doesnt he see what a wreck he's leaving behind? Sweetie, even though it didnt look that way then, him leaving for awhile was just what we both needed. Him, to get a taste of the life he thought he wanted sooo badly, and me, to stop with all the craziness, the endless worrying over when he would come home, was he with her? and so on. Let him go and stay in plan a.Take care of yourself right now. Im gonna read your other posts cause im not real familiar with your sitch.

mommyc,

The best thing I ever did was tell my FWH that he could not see the OW and live with me at the same time. I plan A'd while he was out of the house and I do believe that separation was what brought us back together. There was though a false recovery period where he resumed the A so be prepared for that too. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Hang in there and keep posting here, we can keep you company.

All the bets, I have said the same thing to my WW. If she is still with him, weel then she does not have me..

Tough boat to be in, it helps if you have two to paddle.

Deep down I know this needs to happen, so he can see that the grass is not greener. However, I don't see how it will make me stop thinking about who/what/where/when. When he was here, I knew he wasn't with her...although there were calls , IMs, and text messages.

I'll search and see if I can find my original story, and I can fill in any blanks if you have questions.

I swear, this feels like the longest night of my life.

Thanks

mommyc, the great thing about having him out of the house is you don't have to worry about where he is. This is your time to work on any changes you need to make in yourself and to focus on your sons. You can take your focus off your WH and OW for a change. I found it to be a big relief and my FWH was so upset that our lives were going on without him. Hang in there hon, you will be ok.

This was my original post in "Just Found Out" from 12/31/04.

I am 35, H is 37, known each other 17 years, a couple for 9 years, married for 5 years, have 2 boys together, plus he has 2 kids from previous and I have 1 child from previous.

Early November he told me he was feeling pressure from life with responsibilities and whatnot and needed some time to think. He took most of a weekend alone, it was our youngests B-day and he was there for that.

As the days went on and we talked more it became "I love you but I'm not in love with you". However, he maintains that I am his best friend, great mother, and great wife. Those "special" feelings were gone and he didn't know if they could return. (This is the point when I found this site and bought "His Needs, Her Needs")

I started using my newfound knowledge and applying it, but said he wasn't ready...seemed forced. He feels all this stuff should come naturally. It helped me none the less.

Next it was that he had a crush, then it was he loves us both....each makes him happy in different ways.

Worst part is who it is. She works for him, but before he hired her in his office she was our Nanny for 1 year. She is 19 years old.

Making a very long story short, he is currently on the 3rd time of "breaking it off". He says they both agree that it is wrong, the timing would never be right, and she's young enough to still need running and jumping. This time it may be true, because the constant IMing and cell calls have all but stopped (as far as I can tell....and it was obvious while it was happening). Since they both have feelings for one another, he couldn't "crush her like a bug", so he'd explain that's why he was still in cell contact with her. I told him it would never end that way, because he's still emotionaly available to her.

The last 2 days were great, he asked me to sleep on the couch with him last night. Today he said it was nice spending time with me again. Tonight he's at a party and I'm home with the boys. He sent me a sweet e-mail before he left and has already called once. He still maintains it's weird right now and still doesn't know for sure if he wants to repair our relationship.

I have followed the book, I try to be compassionate without being a doormat, because I see my role in his seeking needs outside the marriage.

My problem is still being so obsessed with the OW. I constantly check his cell when he's not paying attention and drive myself nuts with wondering and thinking. I know he doesn't deserve my trust, but he has not lied to me once throughout this entire ordeal. He says work is awkward but not an issue. I think one of them has to go, but with him being the boss it's a whole other issue!!!

Faithful,

Should I not be having any contact with him then? I thought that was plan B. I am not sure what plan I am on since he's out of the house now.

{{{{{{{MCB}}}}}

Sorry you're having to go through this. My H & I separated for 4 months & I didn't find out about the A until after he'd left. Yeah, made it a whole lot easier to see her, talk to her, etc. b/c then he didn't have to worry about being "caught". He could do what he wanted. But, it did make him see what he was missing out on when I told him I could no longer be "friends" w/him until I healed. He eventually missed the friendship we had had, saw that the "grass wasn't greener" & started to miss his family intact.

I did do a plan A when he was gone & he began to see that I really did love him & was the only person who truly stood by him even when he was acting like an a*hole. Everyone else turned their back on him. You can do this, just plan A the best you can when you do see him or talk to him. And then, if it gets too intense for you or you feel yourself losing those love deposits too rapidly, then plan B.

Wish you the best.

Love in Christ,
Y

Thanks, Standing
I get so much heat from family & friends about being too nice and kicking him to the curb. I do still love and care for him. He's human and is making a mistake, he just needs to realize that himself.....just hope he does.

4 months? {{sigh}} I was hoping a week, maybe two. Guess I should be prepared for the long haul.

First of all, family & friends only care about you & don't want to see you get hurt anymore than you already are. God love them, but face it, they're not you & even though they may handle it that way if it happened to them, everyone is different & will do the things they want to do regardless of what anyone else says.

Try to surround yourself w/positive supporters who will pray for your M, pray for your H, pray for you, & will stand behind you in support of your standing for your M. Also make sure to pray alot (can't stress this enough) b/c God is the one true source that you can trust completely. He won't steer you wrong. He only has your best interests at heart.

If you need someone to talk to, need some pointers or anything like that, feel free to e-mail me - cherfan31@earthlink.net.

Will be thinking of you,
Y

You never know how long it will take for them to wake up. we were separated for 5 months, although we still slept together, did things with each other and he stayed over from time to time. I've heard of some MB'ers whose WS woke up in a week. But then i've heard of others who fence sat for 2 years. You just never know.

I separated from my WH at the beginning of December after his continued contact with OW. Yesterday I had my first indication that he is maybe regretting things. Who knows where that will lead. (See my post - First Indication that all is not well in Paradise in GQ).

Everyone has their own time-frame on how long they will accept things and everyone's boundaries are different. Do what is right for you but remember something you already know. You have been lonely inside your marriage. When you miss him remind yourself of this. Having someone sitting in the same room as you who wants to be somewhere else is soul-destroying. You will be fine on your own for a while. We are all a bit scared of change but try to make it a positive experience for you and your boys. Good luck. TT

I think we would have enough signatures in here alone to start a petition......infidelity should be against the law.

Make everything harder to start and easier to end.

What do we think??