OMG, this is hitting me like a ton of bricks today....I should be getting in the shower so I can be all pretty when he sees me, but I don't feel like even moving. I feel worse today than I have in a long, long time.

I'm gonna go jump in the shower, in an attempt to look pretty when I see him, but it's going to be difficult to paint a smile on my face....it really is.........I feel HORRIBLE.

I want to give those underwear to her, because he's a *******liar, and he's lying to her too, I just feel like I'm gonna throw up.

-Caren <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 06:38 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Come on, Caren...

An A is one thing. It's terrible and awful and you definitely NOT tolerate it.

But we are talking about DRUGS here. In a house with CHILDREN. If the police were to come and raid your house...guess who'd go to jail. YOU!

Obviously, there is a lot of work that needs to be done on the marriage. But..you need to deal with the drug issue NOW! Get them out of the house, ASAP.

Andrew-

I don't even live there. We're separated....He's just told me he had them and where they were before. I really doubt he's going to listen to me about getting rid of the pot....he doesn't smoke it, I don't know what in the hell he has it for, but in any event, it won't affect me, because there are no drugs in my house, nor will there ever be.

-Caren

Andrew,

As far as I understand the MJ is in his house, not hers... and the kids don't go there.

-AD

<small>[ January 18, 2005, 03:47 PM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

Caren,

I see we posted at the same time.

B(y)T(he)W(ay); Hi. I've been following your thread, but really don't have much to say.

-AD

Hi AD-

Yup looks like we posted simultaneously...LOL

And you're correct, the kids don't go to his house, there's no water there....they wouldn't even be able to use the restroom there. Thankfully he's moving, and there's a well, so no water bill, so he won't have to worry about the no water thing anymore...only the no electric/no gas thing. (LOL I hope he pays those).

I was thinking from this morning that maybe since I left that message on the OW's phone about him showering here everyday that maybe she paid his water bill for him.

I just went and picked up DD10 from his shop, he accused ME of having an attitude....Okay whatever, I apologized for him perceiving me as having an attitude, I said "I don't have one, I'm sorry I gave you that impression" (I should have one you sorry son of a *****...but I'm being nice, you haven't seen attitude yet...didn't say it....just thought it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Maybe my feelings show through facial expression, eh? But hell, I even kept my sunglasses on so that he couldn't even see my eyes...so I don't know where he got that)

I have to see if WH spend the night tonight and get the girls to school in the AM so I can go to the hospital for my dad's heart cath @ 7 am.

Okay I'm gonna try to post my picture on here...let's see if I can figure it out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

-Caren

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 06:40 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Okay so, I talked him into coming over in the morning to watch the kids, he doesn't wanna spend the night he'd rather get up at the butt crack of dawn and be here at 6 am than spend the night here.

I think I'll take the undies to her tommorrow, as her copy of the letter to her employer went in the mail tonight, and she'll be getting it tommorrow....mail travels fast in this small burb, as I believe I've mentioned before....so more fall out for me YIPPEEE!!! This sucks so bad.

-Caren

Hang in there, Caren. Just hang on tight and keep your attitude positive.

~ Snow

Thanks Snowbelle...my attitude fluctuates....I'm back on track again, I had a bad morning, but now I feel better....no reason why I felt bad, no reason I'm feeling better....just the old psyche playing tricks on me......it's like AHA!!!!!!!!! You will feel sucky now!!!! Then okay...you've had enough of that...You will feel like a human again!! LMAO

I need Mortar's input on the underwear from my other post...LMAO I need undie advice LMFAO.

Gawd, it's just everything I can do now not to be full on mean. My WH may be digging his own grave with me, by the time he wants me back I might be telling him to take a hike..LMAO No, I won't do that, even if I can't stand him by that time, I WILL take him back I WILL put the MB techniques into practice and I WILL keep my family together and my H until death do us part!

-Caren

Okay, I am about to discuss men's underwear with a strange woman. This is definitely new!

Caren...slow down. I am hyper like you. I would want to take any stuff I got and immediately use it. BSs go so long being beaten up over this mess that as soon as the WS is on the run and we start getting some ammo, we start launching like it is no tomorrow. And much of the ammo is wasted because we dont use it WISELY!!

Slow down and think. No ammo should be fired without at least 48 hours thought, and at least three other persons weighing in their opinions. Okay? Your husband is insane. You also are not of right mind right now. No, not insane like him. But you are under tremendous pain and pressure. So, rash decisions are the norm. They also hurt your position.

In the military, we have something called "third tier effects." (I swear one of these days I am going to use my military training to help in this mess). Anyway, 3rd tier effects (TTE) is where you plan something (first tier). Then, you come up with all of the possible outcomes to that decision (second tier). Then you come up with the decisions to each of those outcomes, and then the outcomes for all of the new decisions (third tier).

Example: Let's say you send the undies (okay, underwear...men dont wear undies <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> ) to the OW with the note. That is the first tier decision.

Now, what possible outcomes could there be.I am not in your situation, so I will list a few examples just so you see this process.

</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OW blows up at WH for having SF with you</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OW still doesnt believe you and makes excuses why the underwear was there</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Now in this secnd tier, there will be responses/effects. If she blows up at WH, this may be a good thing...because it might help end things. or it could be a bad thing as she will just blow it off (happened with my wife and OM...I told him we had been together...he didnt care).

If she doesnt believe you or doesnt care, then nothing will happen. Or maybe she clamps down on him, not allowing him the time for you to Plan A him like you have been doing.

So, the third tier looks like this. </font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She is upset with your hubby and kicks him out.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She is upset with your hubby but clamps down on him, destroying your opportunity to Plan A.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She doesnt care, and just goes about her business with him. Ammo is wasted.</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Now, what are you going to do with these? Look at each one of those results. What is the probability of each? What is the cost? What is the risk of each of those three results? Can you live with the worst of the results?

now, let's go back to the beginning, but this time add a different decision than sending underwear to OW now. Instead, you send to her with the note after the Plan B letter is sent to her, and him. Maybe a week after.
</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now, she can not care...and nothing has changed.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She can be mad and send your hubby packing, which would make him live up to Plan B letter...Great for you!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /></font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">she could be mad and this would be one more hit on their relationship which will ultimately help end it...again, you are still in NC with hubby.</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now look at those results. Is there anything she can do to hurt your position or your marriage further? No. Before, she could upset your Plan A. But in Plan B, if she didnt care...then nothing changed. you fired a blank, but at least it didnt hurt anything. If she cared and kicked him out, well then hurray for you...you nuked her! Or, if the middle ground is found and you draw blood, then hurray for you again.

So, after going thru all of this thought process, what is the BEST answer? The best answer is to hold the underwear until after Plan B letter has been received and digested.

As Just Learning once told me, revenge is best served cold! Now you arent out for revenge...but, you must always use your head here. They arent. You must be very particular and precise in your actions. You can ill afford to go off on anyone. I know you are like that...I am too. But we do not have that luxury in our situations.

So, slow down. When I say that from now on, you will know what I mean. Think it out. Down to the tird tier. Get some big butcher block paper and wargame this so you can read it, if you have to.

I hope that helped! Now, I dont want to ever be asked again about men's underwear. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

In His arms.

<small>[ January 18, 2005, 07:41 PM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>

Oh Mortar, I'll abandon the undies thread and keep posting here....LMAO

I did drop off ham and home made augratin potatoes, a small container of vanilla bean ice cream, and a coke, to my husband's work about 10 minutes before he got off. He'll probably have to eat it before he leaves the shop LMAO...so "she" doesn't find out.

I had a small talk with him, as my plan was to leave the meal on the porch, and let him know it was there....well I see these huge tire marks in the snow in the yard, like a truck had been backed up to it....so I knock on the door, (Cuz the dogs go ballistic when someone knocks) no dogs. So I grab the mail, thinking, okay if he moved I want my damn mail.

So when I dropped off the food I handed him his mail too, he said "What'd you pick the mail up?" I said "Yes, it appears you've already moved" He said "No I haven't" I said "well I knocked on the door, and the dogs aren't there" He said "Well I moved them" I said "You moved the dogs to your new place, but you're not there?!" He said "I'll get with you about it later." I said "My dog better not be at OW's house" (It's a $1200 boxer with a champion bloodline) He said "He's not Caren, I'll get with you later" He's such a retard. I said "Okay, well may I please have the keys so that I may get the rest of my things?" He said "I'll get with you about that" So apparently he'll let me know.

I want to lovebust him in the side of his head....is that wrong LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow Caren...you are doing good containing your anger and hurt. I would have probably thrown the food in his face. I don't know how all of you do it. I am slowly growing to hate my WH. My love is turning into hatred for him. It's really sad. How did I get here????? It's just so crazy isn't it? A year ago I thought I was happy and living a good life and look at me now. I was being fooled!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Okay, so Dad had to go in for the Heart Cath today.....so I asked WH to come over @ 6 am (as he wasn't going for spending the night) to get the kids off to school.

I was upset/worried about my Dad and was crying. He said "Caren, you have to settle down, the roads are horrible, you can't drive like this" I said "I'm sorry, I can't help it, I'm so worried about my Dad." He came and sat next to me on the couch and said "Honey, it'll be okay, you're Dad is strong, he's gonna be alright" He said "You were always the strong one, you were the one that always told me everything would be alright" I said "Yeah, well I always said everything would be alright, and now NOTHING is right!" He went and got me a tissue. I stood up and he grabbed me and held me and was rubbing my back saying, "Baby, stop worrying, it'll be okay" He held me for a long time, then kissed me on the forehead, and I leaned up and kissed him on the lips...just a peck. So I compose myself, and start to leave and he says "Be careful driving, call me as soon as you get there." I said "Okay, I will" So I did, and he was being very nice and caring......then after the procedure, I called to tell him what went on, and he said "Caren, it's okay, you're Dad will be fine" I said "Okay, I have to go now...." He said "Goodbye, and we hung up".

BUT....the letter to the employer AND the copy I sent to her should be arriving today....so I'm sure I'm only hours away from having my head handed to me by him.

-Caren

Caren,

Stop worrying. Hubby is still reading from WS Handbook. Sure, he'll be mad. But actually, this will be good. He is being tossed back and forth. His rollercoaster is going up and down. He had a great intimate moment with you (without SF). Now, he'll have to deal with POed OW. Of course, she will LB him like crazy!!

So, just stand back and stay with Plan A. It is working.

In His arms.

Mortar:

I ALWAYS look forward to your posts, you make so much sense, when nothing at all makes sense to me. I thought for sure she'd get the copy of the letter today, but I've heard nothing...and I'm sure he'll go berzerk on me when he finds out.

I am sticking to plan A.

Oh, I also strategically placed a framed picture of our wedding day on the end table.......I'm sure he saw it....LOL

-Caren

*sigh* had an SF dream about WH last night, those stupid things seem so real, I wake up feeling like it happened.

I text messaged him at like 2:30 am and said "Hope this doesn't wake you up, just had an ummmm nice dream about you and me. I believe in us - Caren"

I couldn't help it, I just felt all warm and fuzzy about him at that moment....even though it's kinda empty when you wake up and were only dreaming <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

That letter oughta hit today, I can't imagine it taking any longer than that. He's picking up DD10 from school because of my counseling today, so I may just get the bomb dropped on me then....who knows. Sheesh I hate impending doom.

I am going to try to talk WH into spending the night with me Saturday night....after I go out to dinner, for my birthday. I don't care what he tells the skank-o-matic he's doing, I just want some SF for my b-day LOL!!!!! I may be able to talk him into it, at least I hope so.

Okay, gotta get in the shower so I can go to counseling.

I'll be back to post later...probably around 4:30 when the sh#t will have probably already have hit the proverbial fan.

-Caren

Hmmmm maybe I could stay at his new place....there's a thought....that is assuming he'll be finished being mad at me about the letter.

-Caren

My WH said "You woke me up with your text message" I said "What do you sleep with your cell phone?" He said "Well it's beside my bed, in case there's an emergency or something" I said "It was an emergency..." Then I said "So what are you giving me for my birthday" He said "I don't have any $$$" I said "Oh well, what I want doesn't cost money" He said "No Caren......I'll talk to you later." So basically, he's now not going to cheat on HER.....I promise that doesn't make me want to break both of her legs.

-Caren

DAMN IT....why haven't I got a call about that letter...I know that b*tch got it today....is she too busy screwing my husband to read the damn mail?!?!??!

I'm tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak.

When he does call to yell at me I'm going to say:

I am surprised that you think I'd react any other way, you know me, my family is being threatened and I will defend it. I am also going to say "I want my husband back, and I know he's in there somewhere and I won't give up until I find him"

I hesitate to reverse babble him, as it's going to come off sarcastic, and I tend to be sarcastic anyway, and it p*sses him off when I do it.....I can make "Okay Sure" sound a whole lot like "[censored] You"....LOL

I will get him back, I will not rest until I do.

-Caren

Hey chill Caren,

You are getting your priorities mixed and will mess up if you don't stop this now.

L.