mail comes today, there is a certified letter for me to sign, i noticed it is from the courts. so, i open it up, Dpapers!! well, last night i went over to his house, (my old one) and everything is fine,he wanted to come up with a custody arrangement - which we did, he was here several nights this week, everything is fine, never mentions that he filed,,,,in fact asked me to borrow money because he was broke (I'm sure it didn't have anything to do with the $250 it cost him this week to fine Dpapers!! ) So,,,what do I do? I know i have to call my attorney on tuesday and get an appointment with her asap, but how long does a D take? Can I delay it? Should I? I'm so upset,,,I did tell him after I received the Dpapers, Temporary, that he can just stay home, quit depending on me!! The older boys refused to go with him tonight....unitl he told them it is in the temporary orders (which I then had to explain that I could be arrested if they didn't go, and unforuntaly it would be with those I work with, since I'm one of their dispatchers!!) so, what do I do? (other then attorney asap on tuesday). Can this be turned around? Just go with it? help....i'm between disappointed, confused and very angry at this moment....taking deep breaths....

Hon, if you dont want this D, contest it! Do you want a reconciliation?

There has just been so much that has happened...i'm not ready for divorce...neither is he...at the last MC session she said we both are too aware of each other and can't let go...i know the OW is behind this...but what can I do? I'm beginning to think let this go thru - no fighting it do it quick - ...when he is sitting at "home" without the boys or me,,,but he will have OW...and her lies...that is what he deserves...

Have you been doing plan a up until today? I wish some of the more experienced MB'ers would jump into this. In my own experience, OW made my wh go see a lawyer just so she could see the paperwork started, but my H never actually filed. He could be just trying to shut her up and this may be as far as it goes. Im going shopping right now, but ill check back on your thread when i get back. {{{{Allirose}}}}.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by allirose89:
<strong> The older boys refused to go with him tonight....unitl he told them it is in the temporary orders (which I then had to explain that I could be arrested if they didn't go, and unforuntaly it would be with those I work with, since I'm one of their dispatchers!!)

so, what do I do? (other then attorney asap on tuesday). Can this be turned around? Just go with it? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What a way to start your weekend <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I'm sorry.

Two things here...first, I'd ask your lawyer if your children HAVE to go with your H if they don't want to. While YOU can't make them not go, I believe that the older ones would be considered old enough to refuse if they want to. I don't think you can be arrested for that or even found to be in contempt of any court order. Again, check with your lawyer first, but they shouldn't have to be forced to go with their father if they don't want to.

Second, there are plenty of ways to stall a divorce and if you're not ready for it, then I would do just that.

In Washington, an uncontested divorce can be finished in as little as 90 days.

A contested divorce is another story. Once I contested our divorce, my WH would have had to wait until the 90 day waiting period was up and THEN get a trial date. Trial dates are 10 - 12 months out. That will probably vary on case loads county by county and depend on your state laws, but there is always a way to stall something like this.

Courts are generally slow to get things done anyway...doubly true when one party is contesting this or that with the paperwork.

I have a friend who kept her husband going for 2 years. She did it all herself, with no lawyer and they reconsiled before the divorce went through.

ASk your lawyer about the best way to go, but you CAN stall it.

In the meantime, keep taking those deep breaths and remind yourself that this isn't something that works itself out quickly. This is a process which will take some time and nothing has to be done or decided today, tomorrow or even this week.

Gather your information, protect yourself and remember that worrying today can not change tomorrow.

Easier said than done I KNOW. But say it enough and sooner or later it will help.

Well, tonight was the appreciation dinner at the volunteer fire dept...my best friend and her boyfriend who is the chief were there. OW sat right across from them!! She kept bringing up "how bad of a day" she had,...how much trouble she is having with her daughters...and how she is going to move back to CA. (I hope very soon...get the h### out of my life - sorry for those of you in CA look out) So I called WH up and asked him if OW knew about the Dpapers? He said NO WAY, it was his decission, etc....so I told him that *best friend* had a nice conversation with OW tonight at the dinner....and OW "hinted" to best friend that she knew and was trying to get my reaction...

Why don't I just get it? He's a cronic lier! Hes not the man I married,,, doubt if that guy that was honest loving is even close at this point. I will contact my lawyer on tuesday, and see what I should do...stalling...prob. will go that route as long as I have the custoday arrangement that we came up with...what about a PI? does it matter? should I just go dark and do a proper plan b? I have a letter ready for him, but i really don't think it will faze him due to him filing....would be nice if WH up and left him with this mess now though....

So far plans are mass tomorrow...(even though WH is to have boys until monday at 5:30am, i'm sure they will be here bright and early as usual,, I can never turn them away) we will go....or should I just "hide" all day and let him deal with it? I'm so confused....i knew this was a possiblility of happening..just never thought he would dare file...

Ps. to him this is the process,,,not getting along, seperate...divorce...can can i argue with that logic? He keeps saying...lets just get it done (what am I a wal mart employee - no offense but have u see the commercials "get r done" that's what I feel like) I can't change a brick wall, I can put things in front of him but ult. its his choice...

ugh.....

<small>[ January 15, 2005, 11:26 PM: Message edited by: allirose89 ]</small>