heres the short of it all:

I decided last week that I didn't want separation, didn't want to let him go off with OW and try that while I sat around waiting - and if it didn't go well, he'd be back....maybe

On New Years Eve, OW and I spoke and said that this whole "I can't choose" crap was old. She and I agreed that if he was with me, he couldn't be with her and if he was seeing her, he wasn't going to be living with me.

Next day WH asked to come home. Of course I assumed since everything was out on the table she knew he was there and he and her were at least refraining.

He was still saying he didn't know what he wanted. We discussed D and Separation, I met with attorney and talked and decided to give him the option of honoring me and our vows and working on marriage or divorce. NO SEPARATION

Told him I'd been waiting for him to make a decision for the last 10 months and he had til the final D papers needed signing to figure things out - but I was knocking the fence down and the coutdown had begun.

Well, he kept trying to backpeddle, not to say he wanted to stay married and honor our vows, but for the separation and still more I don't knows.

I sent him an email regarding our anniversary and the three days after and how we had made love and spent wonderful time together and then on Monday morning everything was back to being distant angry and confused. I sent a blind copy to his OW, and he lost it.

He sent me an email saying the "Gloves are Off" and didn't come home for two nights. Well, he hadn't had a key for a month anyway so on the third night when he showed up ringing the bell, I didn't let him in.

He broke in through the breakfast room window and I called police, of course they couldn't do anything our first hearing isn't til Feb 2

Anyway, then he tells me I F'd up big time and I was going to pay for it. Evidentally, OW thought he was staying somewhere else and had no idea he was still at home sleeping with me!!

She sent me an email saying that my WH made her ill and she was done!! Of course, who knows for sure, but he won't leave the house again, and says he's gonna make me pay. Going to fight me for custody and force the sale of our home, basically anything he can to hurt me, because he lost his great love.

hmmmph

Good for you. Are there others you can expose to? The more the merrier. How about family? What about her? a husband? a mother? Tell the whole world. Nothing started happening for me until I told everyone I could think of. It's been forever since I knew, but couldn't expose until I had proof. Took a long time. Good for you for doing it quickly. Just make sure you have told EVERYONE you can. It has been empowering to me. Keep it up.

(sigh) They all react like that when they're caught. It sounds like typical fog induced rage to me.Stay in plan a, he should calm down in a couple of days. BTW, My H also reacted like yours when I told OW the truth. Dont believe her when she says their thru, my H told OW so much bull crap that she ended up believing HIM over me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<small>[ January 15, 2005, 09:39 PM: Message edited by: shelly_3 ]</small>

Having been through this one....

my advice is to be nicer than ever.

Don't ask him to talk about it.

Go for a walk...and ask him to join you....when he says no....go anyway and come back refreshed with a big smile on your face and hum to yourself while you make dinner.

Ask him out to dinner. Go by yourself if he says no and tell him how much you missed his company when you come back.

I confused my WH as much as I could. And I had fun doing it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

He can't make your life hell unless you let him.

Don't.

He's acting like my daughter does when her sister tells on her. It's typical and won't last forever.

He's mad at himself, mad at the situation, mad that he got caught and mad at you for making him accountable for his own actions.

I know it's hard, but don't worry about it too much. He's right on schedule. He's typical. Nothing special about his tirade.

Update:

Just found out today that OW tried to committ suicide the day I sent her a copy of that email. Geesh, the drama!

He was gone 2 nights, then when he came back on day 3 and when I wouldn't open the door (I took key back in Dec when I tried to initiate Plan B) he broke in! Police wouldn't make him leave and made me give him his key back.

He's still back and forth, some days straight here after work and everything is eerily normal then doesn't show up til early morning a couple days and just comes in and sleeps on sofa - our court date is Feb 2nd and I anticipate the judge will order him to leave then, til that time I am in Plan A kindof, and being sweet as pie. Once our court date comes, all contact between he and I is over - completely. Everything then will be between our attorneys.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 1confusedBS:
<strong> Update:

Just found out today that OW tried to committ suicide the day I sent her a copy of that email. Geesh, the drama! ..... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">....and she didn't succeed because _____________? What a nut. A WS is worth suicide? She must not value her life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Your H's life is valuable but when they are a WS, they show that they are not valuable but talk as if they are better than gold. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

A's are about the drama. Plain and simple. The more you stay out of it the better. Every so often, the BS has to test it out..... if it sets off either the WS or OP, that's their problem. IMHO, that is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

she didn't suceed because WH was right there, so of course it wasn't a serious attempt (darn it).

But, she had the balls to call me today and ask when was the last time I had sex with my husband and would I call and tell her if he came home and we had SF tonight, I said "Sure"

NOT

He walked in and I told him his girlfriend called and was asking about when we had sex last and to call and let her know if we do it tonight. LOL

They must be getting along loverly!

so he had to pick a fight with me then run off over to confront her......I'm going to puke I think.

.... and what r u going to do upon his return?

L.