This morning is going WAY better than yesterday. I am in a lot of pain today (physical), but that is not a new thing. It is hard to deal with that and the tragedy that is currently my life. Man, yesterday was a bad day all around. Late for everything!! Trying to do my work through tears. This mess is the only thing on my mind lately.

?? Everyone talks about the "Fog". I assume this is caused by the lust, passion and excitement and risk. Is that pretty accurate? If so, with my situation, or my WW's, she started with EA in Sept 03 and that turned P in Nov 03 thru late Dec 03. Then she had a ONS with an old flame 4-04 and then this latest thing for all I can tell will be short if it wasn't a ONS. It is as if she feels that since we are separated she is single and can sleep around. THIS IS SO OUT OF CHARACTER FOR HER!! Is she in the "Fog" or just plain done with us and is moving on to this new life? Or is this the "real" her and she has been trying to be someone else for the past 15 years??

Octobergirl,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">you WILL get better,one day.Keep that in your mind ok? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's part of what gets me through each day. Thank you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">let her go.You cannot control what she says or does </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I did. Saturday night. My world came apart and I knew I had to let go. It was so hard and SO damn painful. I have not endured that kind of pain, ever. The 1st A, was about betrayal and it hurt so bad, this was worse in the sense that I realized I have to let her go, my life partner, my VERY best friend, the mother of my children. If it was not for my Boys, I would not have survived that. I would not have made it to Monday. But I let go, I turned off her phone, she wasn't using it to call the kids and she wasn't taking my calls, so there was no sense, after the recent developments, for me to continue to pay for it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> priority list of things you need to get done and those things that can wait. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I have always had a "list". In fact, I have a long term and a daily list. My problem is I just don't have the "drive" I used to have. I still have hurricane damage to take care of! The hurricanes came through here in September!! My whole life changed when she dumped everything in my lap and took off. She hadn't been keeping up with the house for the past couple years. I kept trying to get her to go to counseling b/c it was obvious she was suffering from depression. She lost her mother to cancer. She denied she was depressed. In fact, she told a mutual friend that "Chris thinks I'm depressed, I'm not depressed since I left him." She (mutual friend) was shocked. I was hurt.

Your last paragraph. Yeah, <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I know. It is so damn hard it hurts!! But I did that. I feel it in my heart, that is what I did Saturday.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It may not be you and family anymore </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Let me say this, She had off Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. She had promised the boys that they were going to do stuff during that time. She didn't Wed & Thurs. DS14 called her Thurs to see if she was coming over, she said she couldn't but she would Saturday for sure. He told me this and I reminded him of "expectation management". Saturday I had an emergency call, I called her and asked her when she planned to be here. She said This afternoon sometime." I asked if she could possibly come now. She said she would get ready and come over. She even sounded more pleasant than she normally did when she talks to me. She called back about 20 minutes later and said she couldn't find her keys. She said she was going to look some more and call me right back. After a couple hours and trying to call her and getting a busy signal, I made other arrangements and went to work. We have not spoken with or seen her since. That night is when she slept with OM#3. Not at her Apt, but at a sleazy friends house. This is not the first time she has turned her back on the boys and I. So yeah, she may be ready to be done with the family.

Everything you said makes so much sense and you are a thoughtful and helpful person, thank you for helping me through this unbearable time if my life. All of you have taken some of the burden off my family and that means SO much to me. I have been doing this since Sept/Oct 2003. I am almost half way through my 2nd year of dealing with it and she is still rocking my world. I dread our next contact. I would rather it didn't happen for about 6 months or so. She has not seen the boys for almost two weeks. She only lives 3-4 miles from here.


Deb,

Thank you for your prayers and advice.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> At this point I would advise you to do nothing that is permanate, take your time and move slowly. Take care of yourself and your children. I will keep you in my prayers.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good advice. That will be my mission. You mentioned my Sister, although she lives far away, she has been a great help. Very down to earth with thoughtful good advice, some advice easier to take than others, like all of you here, I apreciate her. She is the one that, in the early stages of our separation told me "Expectation management." Those two words have helped me a lot!

THANK YOU ALL---YOU REALLY HELP

Morning Chris(or do you prefer CJ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ),

After reading your posts and the fact that you are sticking with us this time,I DO see a change in you.It's positive.I can hear the hurt,I know it,we have all felt it.You will get through it to the other side,whether it's personal recovery or marital.You are on track with us,I can tell.Just keep coming here and vent.I am very glad that we are helping you.

Listen,it hurts to know that our former beloved spouses would ever ignore our children in any way but it's all part of the evil of Infidelity.This is why it's CRITICAL to have the other parent there holding down the fort,being there for the kids and it's where I put ALL my energy from the beginning.My children have also helped me too in more ways than they will ever realize.I feel proud and blessed that I am here for them.They keep me going and I feel such a tremendous love for them,draw on that Chris.

One day at a time,one hour at a time.We all have enormous pressures on us(my Father was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer a couple months ago <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ),let alone the destruction of adultery,but the human spirit has such resolve!

Think seriously about Plan B ok? It's on the horizon and approaching fast.

O

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 01:05 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Well said Octobergirl.

CJ: You do sound better. Be prepared though, for it will be 1-step forward, 2-back for a while. Gotta keep moving forward!

As to your other thread; yes, WW is deep in the fog. She may or may not come out and you can do nothing for her right now. You can do something for your family though and also be prepared once she does clear the fog. Continue taking care of yourself and your kids! Keep moving your emotional energy to you & them. Let WW's sitch play out w/o knowledge. Pretend that she does not exist right now. Talk to you later.

FR

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I DO see a change in you.It's positive.I can hear the hurt,I know it,we have all felt it </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Octobergirl,

CJ, Chris, Knucklehead, whatever you like is great with me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

I just really appreciate your support (and everyone else's), through what is the worst, hardest, saddest, most painful time in my life (so far). You have been a lot of help.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">One day at a time,one hour at a time.We all have enormous pressures on us(my Father was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer a couple months ago ),let alone the destruction of adultery,but the human spirit has such resolve!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Man, I am really so sorry to hear of your Dad's illness. What is his prognosis? It is SO true, we don't need this extra unnecessary BS. I have been praying a lot, I will include you and your Dad.

Octobergirl, I wish you and your Dad well.


I have to read up on Plan B, I may be doing it right now not even knowing it. I mean after what she has done lately (this past weekend), I have completely distanced myself from her. I, or the children would always initiate contact. Well, I had her phone turned off. I was paying for it so she would have contact with them and I could get her to be with them when I had to work. When I realized that wasn't happening and she wasn't taking my calls or meeting her responsibilities, I thought, she can get her own phone. She would not even return our DS14's calls when she told him she would!! I do miss her so damn much. But after what happened this weekend, I am not sure that I have any hope for our M. It saddens me SO much to say/think that. God, I miss how it was, what the F--- happened??!! I SO wish I knew. I am better with NC I think. I am not hysterical at least ;-)

FR,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Pretend that she does not exist right now. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am there man. Like it or not. I have literally cut ties. She has no phone and she doesn't give a flip enough to contact her kids. So, we are dealing with it. I find it a little odd (Although I know they know something is up) that the boys have not asked to call or asked about Mom at all since Saturday! She doesn't know about DS14 ROTC formal pictures or the fact that....Oh STOP. As parents we all know that every day has stuff that you want to know about! We have a 5yr old!!! She is missing it all and THEY know it, IT SUCKS!!!!!! She is missing SO much with JJ that will NEVER be re-lived. He is growing so damn fast. I'm not saying for her, it hurts me so bad to see, For them. I can not imagine. My Mother has been in my life always. I mean there were times when I didn't have direct contact (Deployed overseas ect) But I got letters. My Mom was always there. She (W) lives 3miles away!!! Oh sh** STOP. I am getting myself all pissed off.

We are going to be really busy with our "Redneck weekend". Big Rodeo Friday night and MONSTER TRUCK MANIA Saturday night. DS5's Fav will be there "Gravedigger" along with a bunch of others. He is going to FREAK!! We were trying to get out to Daytona for practice. They do that during the week though. Well, maybe we'll make qualifying.

Again, I was long winded. Sorry <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Thank you all for being here. You all have been a lot of help. I really mean that, I look at the time over the past year and 1/2 that I have had no one. I have fam & friends but you can't continue to wear them out and you can't do it at anytime 24/7!

Thank you all. I am ready for the next blow :-)

"Out here"
CJ

<small>[ January 20, 2005, 07:14 AM: Message edited by: Intruder800 ]</small>

This thread really strikes several cords with me. My husband had an affair with a woman at work and then ended that to start reconcilliation with our marriage (MC, IC). During this process, he began an emotional affair over the phone (she lives 1000 miles away) with an old flame (mother to a daughter that he never met...). He kept telling me that he was trying to reconcile with his past, that he loved me. He went to met his 15 year old daughter (he has had only phone contact for several months) over the holidays. No need to tell the rest...you can see where this went.
Sorry didn't mean for this to get this long!

So now I am in Plan B, working on me, reviving my relationship with God, making a life for me and my DD.

Intruder, you have some wise words that really helped me more than you could know tonight.

Some days/nights are worse than others.
Take care, Tina