Well, according to the dpapers that I was served, my WH agreed to the arrangement that he and I had agreed on previously. Problem is, he knew my schedule was going to change tomorrow! So, according to papers, he has them all day today, until 5:30 am, and I have them until school. Well, the boys are throwing a fit that they want to come over - i told him yesd they could, but he has to put it in writing that they are allowed here today - and I told him since he dosen't like my babysitter - my cousin- he has to find one of his own since I have to work and he has "temporary custody"...well he is throwing a fit that he doesnt have to find another babysitter it is my responsibility since i have to work....HELLO.....I told him he knew about this - he tells me his attorney made him file the dpapers, he didn't want to...he just wanted the civil papers modified and refiled....yeah right...says stupid on my forehead....

Hes const. calling and leaving messages, now he is going to withdrawl the dpapers on tuesday...studid on my forehead?....in the meantime hes dropping the boys off so he can go "think" with his "counsler" (the OW - supportive friend of our marriage...lol)

I'm making sure to document this all, copies of the messages, and not refusing my boys...but he's driving me insane!! Anyone any ideas? Something I'm not looking at here?

oh by the way, in Ohio it is legal for a taped conversation as long as 1 of the persons is aware,,,that god for radio shack!!

Also think he is realizing that this is more what OW has wanted and not him...so how what do I do? Plan A,,,plan B letter (will have some changes due to dpapers) He has mentioned going to attorney of tuesday and ?resending? the papers...I have told him I'm going to call attorney on Tuesday and get appointment asap, and if nothing changed then I have to protect myself and boys...this is hard...

<small>[ January 16, 2005, 04:39 PM: Message edited by: allirose89 ]</small>

Ali,

He is filing, then he isn't filing, then he is filing, etc..... sounds like someone is pulling petals out of his azz. Ouch....did that hurt? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Ok, you work on your plan. Make your children feel safe. Go see your lawyer to keep on top of your options and let him know that the pendulm is swinging again. It is giving you a headache.

Move forward as if the D is in process. He needs to convince you with actions that he doesn't want the D. All the rest is babble.

L.

Orchid is right.

Rule number one...protect your kids!!

Obviously, the man doesnt wnt a divorce. But, Orchid is right in the fact that only ACTIONS mean anything. So, until then...protect.

You can still Plan A though. Work on you, and meet whatever ENs you can when in contact with him. Soon, you may have to go to Plan B...but not yet.

Let's see how this proceeds now that the heat is turning up on him. sounds like the fog let a little light thru.

In His arms.

So far today his actions are....looking like they are confused. He says he wants a divorce...but then starts crying because hes hurting me...and saying that he's "not allowed" to comfort me!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

He says he doens't want to break our family up...but there is not choice... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> this is a process. He still comes over for dinner about once a week, when I went over to see the boys (he called wanted me to come over to "show" the boys he's not taken them away from me) I knocked on the door, spoke to the boys about their morning etc...and when I was leaving he blocked my way, said I was "off to see my boyfriend"...(I went to noon mass -- alone as usual) he then shut me in his house, told me to go...so I went then he took the keys out of the ignition said I wasn't going anywhere...so I said Ok...I ended up leaving and being on time for mass... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (my friend couldn't go again...she said me and god need some quailty time together <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

He now has his brother watching the boys tomorrow evening so that we can "talk". I don't know about what? What can I say? He has "made" up his mind, no turning back he says...he knows I'm going to be in touch with my lawyer on tuesday...(me and attorney have already went over most of the dv papers...we filled out the income/expense sheet child support etc...in November...she wanted to make sure if he did file we would be ready)

So what can I do to help him? How can I show him, that we ARE still married, he is ALLOWED to comfort me, he is ALLOWED to enjoy family time with me and the boys...how can I show him that he is ALLOWED to be happy? I still haven't figured out why he isn't allowed (but I have a feeling that the "great" counsler OW has had some say...)

What am I going to do tomorrow? How can I show him he is allowed to be happy?

(what about the taking off all my clothes idea that has been presented earlier..lol...he would then file tempory insantiy paper on me...or OW would have him do it...lol)

Thank you for you replies...its nice to know I'm not byself through this

Everyone I know one day they are married, next thing you know one moved out and 2 months later they are divorced...not much support in attempting to save our marriage around here

<small>[ January 16, 2005, 11:43 PM: Message edited by: allirose89 ]</small>

Hey,

What I see is fog, fog, fog!! Which is a good sign!!!

What do you do? Plan A. Do what you have been doing. Dont say much...just listen. WSs have to figure it out on their own. it is almost like their brains are not firing right. It takes time for their brain to rewire and be "normal" again.

So, just listen. Meet his needs, where he presents himself to you. reiterate your stance on your marriage and that you are there for him. I dont know about taking off your clothes, unless the situation presents itself that SF is in the works. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> But I do say, look your best whenever you see him.

He is struggling between what he knows is right, and what he has been doing. As you continue to fill his love bank, he will only find himself in worse pain when he is away from you.

Then, you can pull the rug out from under him and give him nothing in Plan B. And...as is evidenced by his actions...I am betting that the pain will be too much for him and he will have to force himself out of the fog.

So, just sit back and listen. do not take anything he says personally. He has a ways to go before he is "okay" again.

In His arms.