Ok-I don't post here much anymore just b/c nothing really has been happening and my posts usually don't get much response anyway-BUT I could use some input on what is going on-if anyone has any advice or experience.

So-the past couple of weeks have been pretty calm-WH calls every day and we have our usual 5-10 min. phone call about the kids. Besides one major blow-up on Dec 29 when we were bringing our son home from the dr, we have been civil. I have just been pretty cut and dry w/ him-things like "hi, we are good, kids are fine, have a nice day, bye". He has been staying here w/ the kids on the weekends while I work-nothing earth shattering.

Well-last week I felt bad for being so distant w/ him so I called while he was at work and left him a voice mail telling him I was sorry for being so cold and if he wanted to talk or anything-let me know-I would listen.....I KNOW I shouldn't have done that-but it wasn't a big deal-that was it and then I was done. he never even mentioned it and neither did I.

So-tonight when I got home he hung around a bit and then he got up and said "well-guess I'll go" and he bent down to kiss our son. I leaned back-w/out even realizing it-to get away from him and that hurt his feelings. he walked out the door shaking his head. He didn't tell me if he had given Our son his meds so I had to call his cell and ask....it is important and he didn't need a double dose. So-while on the phone he said "why are you so mad at me?" I said "I'm not mad at you-what are you talking about?" He said "I don't know-its just that everytime you hear my voice or I walk in you change....you seem so mad at me.....like you can't stand me and then tonight you pulled away from me like I was gonna touch you. THEN you say your sorry." I said "well-I am and I will try harder. I always say I am gonnaact better, but when I hear your voice or see you I just get ill at you...but I don't hate you and I am sorry." That was it-no fighting, crying, or screaming. He says stuff like that.....like when he told me I promised to be there for him and then I go away...what the heck?

So-my question to any and all of you is-What is going on in his head? Is it a con to keep me hanging on....although he says he doesn't want me, or is his feelings hurt that I seem not to care anymore.....or is it nothing? Actually-I have been missing him less and less....don't really even know if I would want him back anymore....I would like to have a man....when I am ready-but maybe a different one-lol.

Everything gets confusing going through this doesn't it?

I'm not sure if I've read your story before so I'll ask, are you in Plan A? Plan B?

Your sig-line says you are separated. Is WH still with OW?

FIM

Sad, I am sorry but your WH brought this confusion on himself. Let him be confused, just be your best you and take care of your kids. Are you still in plan A? What changes have you made in yourself? How is your little one doing?

Hang in there and please post. I will try and look for you when you do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

S&TM.

Let him know that his actions confuse you. Therefore you find it best to keep some distance in order not to catch the same dreaded disease that makes normal communication garbled. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JMHO,
L.

Ummm....not even sure if I am in a plan at the moment-lol. I have made some definite changes in myself since he left 4 mths ago. I was controlling, overbearing, and generally not very happy w/ myself or to other people. I have worked on that and I am a much nicer, happier person now. I have also made God the center of my life and that has changed everything about me. WH says I am a better person now and much happier, but doesn't want to try again. I haven't even mentioned that in months anyway-no need begging and crying.

About the OW, I don't know what they are or what they are doing. I don't want to know. He claims she is someone to talk to-but I know it is more than that. I would rather be in the dark about that b/c it hurts so much to know. He doesn't see it as an affair b/c he says it started after he left-but we are still married and 2 weeks after he left he started w/ her-IF that is the truth! I know she wanted him to meet her family over Christmas and he didn't know what to do-came to ME about it and I told him I couldn't tell him what to do. In the end he decided to spend that day w/ the kids-but he seen her another day I am sure-I just don't know about her family.

My little ones are fine. My son doesn't walk or talk-but he can do many other things and he is wonderful! He is healthy and so very happy and I am thankful for him. My daughter is a ball of fire-always on the move and into everything! She is great. It is hard for me to imagine leaving them like he did. I know he loves them...and he is still very involved w/ them...but it isn't the same. He says he misses them so much and wishes he could live w/ them, but he can't live w/ me....and that makes me feel guilty....but I know this isn't all my fault and if he really wanted to be here w/ them he would.

Anyway-thanks for the replies!!!

Work on you. BTW, being controlling in a postive way has it's benefits. As a mother, we control the lives of our children to a great degree. As for our mates, a measure of control different from that of our children is also healthy for a M.

So don't let the WS babble about control. It is necessary in any R. How much and when are where the focus s/b.

As for you and the children, speak to him as 1 pkg. This is a family. He is the one who abandoned the family, not you. Where the chlidren go you go....where they live you live. The fact that he is trying to have his A and his family is disgusting. Most WS with children try that to some degree. FOG BABBLE again.

I recommend you talk to him and present yourself as the 'family', instead of as his W. I did that to my Ws and he had a harder time getting angry at me bacause when he did, it included him being made at his son.

JMHO,
L.

Thanks Orchid for the reply. I do find myself taking on a lot of the blame for the fallout of our marriage, although logically I know it takes two. It is just hard NOT to blame yourself when someone leaves you b/c they claim you didn't make them happy.

I am doing better though......I still love my WH and miss him, but I also am kinda ok w/ the fact that he may be gone for good. Before, the thought of him never coming home to me was unbearable and I didn't feel like I would live, but now I know I will make it either way. this isn't the way I wanted my kids to grow up and I feel bad about that, but hopefully they will be ok in spite of it all.

I do well as long as I don't see WH or talk to him much. He lives in a different town so that helps-I don't have to worry about running into him or seeing him w/ OW. He called yesterday and said "I know you don't want me to call but...I had to" and I said "why do you say that-I don't care if you call". That is starting to get on my nerves-all his whining and acting as if I hate him and he is pitiful. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ANyway-he asked about the kids and that was that. I haven't talked to him today yet-but he has called every day for 4 mths so I am sure he will call before he goes to work-yippee for me!

Sad, you need some of Orchid's reverse babble for his whining and complaining. Don't let him suck you in, he is just trying to deflect his guilt onto you. You sound like you are doing really well. Be proud of you. I am not sure I could have handled all this at such a young age.