I was lonely & shellshocked but notw that I am feeling better and have a better view of my sitch I decided to be who I am, Shelly C.

I am moving with my three minor children on Feb 1 to our new home. (H helped with the financing to enable this purchase) I love my new home and have lots of excitment and hope for our new life there.

Yesterday my H asked, and I went with him to look at some places for him (our house sold). We went to a new condo building that is 1 1/2 blks from my new house. Great for the kids! I have quite mixed feelings about it.

My hopeful part says that I can do a better Plan A, the other part of me says he is not going to come back so you might as well get on with it! Being that close could allow me a look into his new life that I don't want to see!

He is of the emotional type that will not allow any feelings to stop him from continuing his chosen path, but what happens is that his emotions hit him hard after. I know he will want to lean heavily on me for moral support and friendship. I already told him that I don't like to have friends that lie and cheat on me. He keeps saying the OW is not the cause of our separation. (she lives far far away so daily impact is not an issue). I say that it definately has had some fault in allowing him to detach his emotions from me and do what he is doing.

I keep flip flopping between wanting to maintain as close of a relationship as I can, and then wanting to protect myself, allow myself to move on a get over him.

What to do?

Shelly

shelly, since there may still be a chance to save your M I would limit my contact with him to your kids. Don't let him lean on you, let him feel the full effect of his decisions. It is not about how to "handle" your WH, but how to handle yourself. Move on with your life with your children and let him see what he is missing. Again, whatever you do don't let him lean on you!
Hugs to you, shelly you will be ok.

Dear FF,

Thank you for your thoughts. I know that you are right - my head tells me that!

My heart wants to be close, to touch, to find the magic words that will bring him back. Even as I write these workds the tears start as I feel instead of think!

We have another mediators appt this PM and today we get to work out visitation and spousal support issues. THe really hard topics for me.

I am trying to be fair while at the same time not give so much that he is too comfortable in his new life. I have always been an honest, loving and caring person. My H always worried I would give something to someone that he might need someday! We are so different in alot of ways. I think it's a good balance in a relationship if we have something to teach the other in the way of becoming a better human being. I know that it has been at my expense sometimes being too generous. I don't give enough to myself.

This last few days and the next two weeks are goig to be the hardest days of my life so far, that is saying alot. I have had alot of experiences in my life. Each one, neg or positive has been a step to a better existance. I so want to know that this will be too!


S

I think, Shelly that it CAN be a growing experience for you if you allow it. It is a chance for you to care for yourself and your children and let your WH grow up. I know that sounds difficult but for some people it is easier to give and give without taking. You need a balance or you will not be successful in future relationships either. I am not saying give up on your M, just give your WH to hang himself or grow up some.