Alan,

As always, Mortarman is right on the button.

A question: you said that you're hurting more than ever. Is it the phone messages that hurt you? I think in a way you want to listen to them because hearing her say things against OM is encouraging and her asking you to watch a movie with her probably eases your pain a little.

Look into anti-depressants.

You and your wife are in my prayers. I don't think it's going to be much longer now. She is missing you and that is good. Just make sure that your conditions are completely agreed to. This is where I fell down in that I did not insist on passwords and such and there was some dabbling here and there as far as phone contact that I later found out about.

Right now when I hear how bad things are for her and she wants me to do something it does make me feel good.

Yet I know that if I was ever to do that she would be back with her OM the next day.

I am not a big fan of med's, I don't know why but I would like to do this without them if I can.

I need to stop listining to her messages all together.

What alot of this boils down to is I am lonley for my W. Not my WW but my W. She is stuck in a fog that is unable to lift right now. No matter what her OM does, no matter what he say's she is all over him.

I do belive all she is tryibg to do is pull me back into her situation to keep her A going as long as she can. For whatever reason if she can only get him for a day or two a week she is willing to put up with that. I don't understand why. This is the part that is killing me. I see how she is in a no win sitch, and she is blind to it all.

I want her to wake up and realize what she is missing out on. She could have back her family, the people that love her want her, she just wants to push us to the side. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Alank,

She is waking up. That is the beautiful thing about Plan B. Reality is now hitting home. the reality of what life will REALLY be like without you in her life. And it is painful.

She has to go thru this. If you try to help her, she will just be beack where she is. You are loving your wife back, and not putting up with WW. Thisis the central tenet of Dobson's Love Must Be Tough.

I know you are lonely. If you look how long it took for me to get my wife back (over three years total)...it has been a long road. But now that I am coming out the other side, I am so glad I did this.

I mean, we had an "argument" last night. The subjext and the tone of the discussion over the last three years would have derailed our recovery. But this woman is my wife, not my WW. so, at he end of the discussion, we both hugged and thanked each other for being honest, even though we didnt like everything the other said. We stayed away from DJs and angry outbursts. We argued. Our voices were raised on several occasions, as we begin to clean up the mess of the last few years. No way around it. And even a few minutes ago, my wife called me out of her bust schedule at the hospital to apologize for not doing something I asked her to do this morning. These are big changes.

But, you arent where I am yet. Look at my road...see that you are on the same road...just a few miles back. Try not to do any of the foolish things I have. And you will actually be where I m at much faster.

I think your wife is on her way back home. I really do. No guaratees, though. But, you have to love her enough tht you let her (and want her) to go thru this.

If you can look at it this way, then your loneliness will soon turn to anticipation. As your wife begins the process of kicking your WW's hindparts out of your lives forever.

In His arms.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> For whatever reason if she can only get him for a day or two a week she is willing to put up with that. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The reason is, in my opinion, she is getting very few of her needs met right now. She is lonely and lost; probably more than you are. You are lonely because you are doing the right thing. She is lonely because she is continuing to do the wrong thing and hoping that it's going to somehow turn out right.

So she is willing to put up with it because at least she is getting some of her needs met, she is still addicted but probably not willing to admit it yet, and she is still hoping to try and lure you back on to the rollercoaster. The rollercoaster is running out steam and you're not there anymore to give it any energy but she's still hoping that it's only a temporary problem.

I don't know if you've read that book, "Who Moved My Cheese?" but I think it's a good analogy. You've got the cheese locked up in the house but she's still hoping that it will go back to how it was before.

As Mortarman says, your Plan B is working perfectly. What I think you need to do is be patient and know that you're going to feel better. Just trust us on this. Give it sometime and see. You're experiencing withdrawl. Just try and tough it out as best you can. Ask God to help. He will send comfort your way.

I'm not much for meds either. When I was freaking out with my sitch 2 years ago I went to the doctor and told him what was going on and he gave me Zoloft. I started taking it but it made me feel so strange that I stopped taking it after a week. It did help me with the anxiety though. I felt very flat. Anytime I would start feeling any anxiety it was like something flipped a switch and just cut it off. It was very weird.

I have heard that Wellbutrin is very good. My wife was taking it for quite awhile and it worked well for her; made her basically normal. She stopped taking it a couple of weeks ago because she got a new hormone replacement med that seems to make her feel super and she doesn't feel like she needs the Wellbutrin anymore. We'll see.

Whatever you gotta do to feel better, within reason, do it.

I am doing the best I can right now. Three weeks ago I felt like I had the world by the tail, today is different. The thoughts and feelings I am having scare me, my anger towards my WW, my feelings of just leave me alone scare me b/c I still want my wife back. I assume I have hit a rough patch and things will look up.

I have a very busy weekend with the kids so I hope all will go well. I need to stop listining to her messages when she calls. Her messages are like an addiction to me right now. I am seeking the help of God as all I want right now is some peace in my life.

((((((((((((Alan))))))))))))) You're doing well hon, legato and Mortar are right, this is looking so favorable for you....I'm actually a little jealous >:S LOL

I am scared to death my WH is going to be like fine b*tch if that's the way you want it......and just never call me again. I know that's most likely NOT what's going to happen, but his A is going to have to run it's proverbial course.

I'm going to need MAD support in a couple days....I'll start a new thread, and you guys better all be there to keep me on the straight and narrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Caren

Caren,

My 2x4s are ready. We are going to have to keep you on a short leash!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

In His arms.

Thank you Mortar....I'm gonna need it.

-Caren

Caren, I will be here for you when you need it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am sorry for the way I have been venting, I just feel like I am at the end of my rope. I am scared to take meds, as they may affect my job, as a sales manager, I don't want to been on anything, I want to have a very clear sharp mind.

For whatever reason I am dying inside. She called last night from her cell, I didn't answer and I didn't listen to her message, but I know when she calls from her cell she is with him. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I am unable to get the image of them together out of my head <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I am mad then angrey then more hurt than I can deal with!

I am strting to unwrap here right now. When I am busy she is still on my mind. It is her cavaler attitude that is hurting the most. One day she calls to tell me he is an complete jerk, the next day she is with him all over again.

I am just trying to focus on my kids, yet I see her in thier eye's. She has depleted my love bank so much and she does not care. why should I <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

because you made a vow and it was in good times and bad. well the bad is here.....be strong and get the meds you need. hubby had the same issues as you----bullpoopies i say. its an excuse...the meds he is on now, he says are a godsend!

nikko, I need to do something, I am sitting in my office afraid to face the wordl, not a good thing on a saturday in the car game.

I feel so empty and lost. I am on the brink of a breakdown.

I never thought life would be like this <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

ALAN!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't you ever apologize for venting here!!! Sheesh, this is the only place we have to turn, and if we didn't vent here, well the world at large would be a less than safe place.....especially if *I* stop venting here....LOL. If I didn't vent here...you'd see me on CNN ....... sniper in belltower at local university, it appears to be a woman, and she seems to only be shooting at big blonde men ....LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, yeah.....vent here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren

get your [censored] to the doctor, take the damn medication and get over it!!!! or end up kie me---afraid to go out the door!!! it aint pretty and ten times harder to fix!! **** or get off the pot time alan....you know you need meds but wont...your afraid they are gonna make you ineffective as a leader...well from the corner of your office...hows that going for ya!!!(smile---im not really being mean...just want you to get the point!)

I hear you, I realy do.

get the meds alan---you may have to try a few to see what works best---hubby was on effexor--didnt go so well and was switched to zoloft. seems to be doing great on it so far. whatever you are afraid of i can gaurantee the slow slipping into maddness is worse....i know. i am fortunately fighting my way up again. dont let it happen, your girls and the hampster need you! so do we all. and for what its worth....what you are feeling with all the anger and resentment and confusion is all right on course. you would be feeling it whether she was doing it all right or not....

alank - Just had to pop over from Idiotville for a moment. MM is right - your Plan B is working. Now turn off the answering machine, or however you are getting messages. Plan B means no contact.

You want your wife back, so stick to the plan. She knows what she must do. To have any contact with her (even just listening to her voice) is only prolonging her affair. It is obvious that she is getting some of her needs met by leaving messages. Cut her completely off and let the OM meet her needs.

Get busy - put your energy into work, hobbies, cleaning, organizing, detailing the car, going out with friends, starting a business, volunteering, exercising, etc. Lean on us - we will help you.

I have not felt needed by anyone besides my kids in so long. I crave what my WW no longer wants. I want to pick up the phone and call her right now. Let her feel the pain she has caused.

I will go see my doctor on monday, right now I have to find a way to work. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Alank - We posted at the same time. Don't give in now! Your Plan is working. Don't give up.

believer, I need here to wake up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I have lost all of myself right now. I am going to see my doctor on monday if I can get in. I don't want to give up. I just don't know how much I have left in me to fight with.

I am a wreck right now <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I hit my brick wall head on at 100 mph.

I took a vow, I won't break it, I am just so lost, I am all over the place and this has only been going on for a little over a year. I don't know how you guy's have done this year in and year out. I have the upmost respect for everyone that has.

I need some sunshine in my life right now. I am not feeling sorry for myself, I am just tired of it all. I don't like rollercoasters, never had, and I never will. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />