Dday was 11/04/04, WH (37) has been at the house with me and our children and his mother. OW (19) used to be our nanny, but started to work for WH in September. I followed all the rules of MB, no LBs, tried to meet ENs (as much as he would allow) and continued sex too. However, even though their last hotel (since she lives with parents and he won't hang with her friends) was a couple of weeks before Christmas, they still work together and the calls/IMs/text messages continued. Saturday I asked him to leave until the NC was in full effect. No arguement, no false promises, he packed a bag and got a hotel room. Saw him on Sunday, he showered, stayed with our 2 youngest while I went to Target, and even did the regular grocery trip. (BTW - Saturday night we e-mailed via me on AOL and him on his Blackberry {he started the first one}, and he even called me). Sunday night he spent at his sisters, she will not allow OW at her house unless she gets to pound her head in. She's offered him to stay as long as he needs.

Anyway, we discussed this being separated plan A (he doesn't know the name, but the outline of what our actions will be). Normally, everyday I would IM him when he got into work, wish him a great day and say I love him. Today I didn't, wanting him to initiate contact. Needless to say, I have not heard so much as a peep from him. I don't want to freak out. Should I try and make contact or have we somehow slipped into Plan B?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Plan A, work on BS to make pernament and postive improvements.

Plan B, to protect the BS and family from the effects of the A, from the WS and OP.

Read up on plan A/B in the concepts section above and Surviving and Affair. Take a look at His Needs/Her Needs.

You are not near plan B yet. AT least not in my opinon. Learn about the plans 1st, then implement. They are NOT about changing him. They are about changing you and protecting you.

L.

I've already read up on them. So, you're saying that even though he's not contacting me, I should still do everything I was doing?

I don't want him to feel I am suffocating him, I would think it would push him away faster.

Just very confused!!

No. I am saying that you concentrate on you. He shows up and acts like your H then you be nice to him. He contacts you and sounds or acts like the WS, show him the door in a pleasant manner.

L.

If it weren't for emotions, that would be easy. I saw him for 10 minutes tonight, while he got tomorrow's batch of clothes....he barely said hi to me. Then again, I wasn't overly chipper. It was all I could do to cry in front of him. I took my cup of coffee and disappeared to the bathroom to smoke a cigarette until he left.

Does this seem appropriate? Should I be going out of my way to be nicey-nice?

Then finish up your plan A requirements and start working on plan B before implementing.

L.

My SIL says to give him a few days, MIL says he's feeling guilty. I don't think he thought I would ask him to leave, since for 2 months I was "handling" this so well.

SIL said that he knows the A is dying out, but he's holding on for the passion/excitement. I think he thought it would be fun sex only, and this 19 year old OW is probably looking for a relationship.

I'm hoping for a quick plan A that never needs to go to plan B. I'm sure everyone feels the same way, but I just can not imagine life without him by my side.

I pray, everyone I know prays for me. General concensus says "it will all work out"...including WS.

Thanks, Orchid