Geeze, can we have an emergency "Can you come kick the crap out of WS" hotline? It would be sooooo nice.

TR I hope it gets better. I too believe that staying dark is your best option. How can WH talk about you being a bad mother if you can't support your son? What is he doing about child support? Jerk!

Questions: Was your WH ever nice about any of this? Has he been completely fogged in since Day 1? Has he had any rational periods?

Good luck!

CV....yes...get in line! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> We can beat em' like a pinata!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Bob.....They make their own misery so they should be able to handle it! My Wh is so fogged out he can't even see what's right in front of him. Hey, maybe he'll get lost in the fog and get eaten by the fog monster. Heeeehhheeeeee!

grapegirl....no, my WH was nice in the beginning of all of this. He wanted to do whatever he could to help me. He has gotten deeper int the fog as the months go by. He has just turned into a cruel monster. No, he doesn't seem to have any rational periods.
He told me last night that the reason he wrote and said such horrible things to me was to help me wake up. HELLO>....why am I the one that needs waking up here????? He's insane!!!!

CV....yes...get in line! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> We can beat em' like a pinata!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Bob.....They make their own misery so they should be able to handle it! My Wh is so fogged out he can't even see what's right in front of him. Hey, maybe he'll get lost in the fog and get eaten by the fog monster. Heeeehhheeeeee!

grapegirl....no, my WH was nice in the beginning of all of this. He wanted to do whatever he could to help me. He has gotten deeper int the fog as the months go by. He has just turned into a cruel monster. No, he doesn't seem to have any rational periods.
He told me last night that the reason he wrote and said such horrible things to me was to help me wake up. HELLO>....why am I the one that needs waking up here????? He's insane!!!!

Tree,

A couple of suggestions...

I suggest minimizing contact as much as possible. He obviously can't communicate like a reasonable adult.

If he's going to act like this, you also don't want to go into mediation. I would guess he would push the negotiations completely sideways with his irrational behaviour.

I would suggest you look at collaborative law as an alternative if he will tone down and quit being so confrontational.

Also if he drives you nuts like this try to keep your cool and come here to vent. Stupid things like he-said she-said can really put the legal negotation in jeopardy. I'm sure he'll make up all sorts of crap anyways, don't give him anymore fuel to work with.

Keep your eye on the big picture and try to not let that creep get to you... I'm sure that's what he's trying to do.

Stay strong!

Miker

<small>[ January 18, 2005, 12:54 PM: Message edited by: Miker ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TreeReich:
<strong> ...grapegirl....no, my WH was nice in the beginning of all of this. He wanted to do whatever he could to help me. He has gotten deeper int the fog as the months go by. He has just turned into a cruel monster. No, he doesn't seem to have any rational periods.
He told me last night that the reason he wrote and said such horrible things to me was to help me wake up. HELLO>....why am I the one that needs waking up here????? He's insane!!!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Gotta wonder how he handles other conflicts in his life? Does he use this technique with his co-workers and other acquaintances or are you just special? Either way, you need to distance yourself from his toxic attitude. It is not only toxic but explosive. It will errupt. Not a matter of if, just a matter of when.

I remember saying this directly to another MB poster who was a WS and now divorced as a result. He was and is toxic. He did explode(emotionally). His W had a torn shoulder as a result. MOre happened later. See the direction?

He can turn around but it has t/b his own doing. You and your son make sure you are in a safe and sane place.

take care,
L.

Thanks Miker and Orchid....

I agree...I am going to distance myself the best I can. Unfortunately...baseball starts soon and I will have to see the idiot weekly. I can just avoid him like I did before. He's not rational at all.
My SIL just called and wanted to know if she could take my son with her to pick strawberries along with her kids. I told her yes....if I was so angry and mean and full of hatred as my WH says...then I wouldn't let him do anything with his family. I think of my son and what's best for him....my WH does not!!!
He's trying to make me look like a horrible parent. It will never fly!!!!!

<small>[ January 18, 2005, 01:32 PM: Message edited by: TreeReich ]</small>

TR - Add my name to the MB hit squad to come get your guy. I need another excuse to show up in your home town, this would be a good one.

Would you come to my house and slap some sense into WW for me?

Maybe we can work a trade.

Georgia

Tree...I felt kinda bad after my last post because I take your pain to heart. I know how insensitive a WS can be and how they tear apart the foundation of individual and family life. It takes a very, very, very long time. My H did the very same thing to our daughter and son. The OW told him "don't worry, your children will get over it!". Two and one half years later, my son still is sad and my daughter is crushed. However I refused to let them dwell on this (as I was doing). My job was to provide stability and give them the best life imaginable in such a sad situation. Today they are well adjusted, loving, and fun. As a mother our greatest pain is watching our children hurt. However, we do not give our children the benefit and recognize that they do realize what is going on. Your son knows who is there for him in all cases, he sees your tears, etc., but you are doing a wonderful job making up to him for the loss. Take pride in this awesome accomplishment.

As for your other child...u know, the one who is having that temper tantrum and trying to bully you and make you feel inadequate as a parent...just shake your head and WALK AWAY. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. When you believe in yourself, the more righteous you become. You're getting there TR...good luck.

Georgia.....you are added to the list. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Yea...come on down and lets make a trade! LOL!

karena...I'm trying my best to just walk away and be the better person. It gets really hard sometimes when he starts accusing me of not being a good mom. It really hurts. I have given my son all the love in the world and have always been a great mom. I think the OW is putting stuff in his head. They truly deserve each other.