Leaving for work this morning after W, I noticed wedding ring still in jewelry box. I know that there is virtually no chance for contact with OM, but when she is not wearing it, I believe it sends a signal. In the past she has taken it off to clean around the house, and forgoten to put it on when she went to the store, no big deal. But she knows I prefer for her to wear it. Should I even bring it up? I tryed to initate SF last nite, when I could tell she wasn't interested she said "If it were up to me, we would never have sex". When is this woman going to wake up? I don't dewerve this ****, and she sure as hell doesn't deserve me.

Hi BM

I am not so familiar with your story but it seems its been a long time since d-day right ?

Regarding the ring I am one who believes there is a LOT of significance in wearing wedding rings during times of hardship but not for everyone.

Fact is your FWW and my FWW probably wore wedding rings while they were active in an affair, so its my guess she wouldn't need to remove it to do bad stuff.

She may have forgotten it, OR she may feel like she either doesn't DESERVE to be married to you OR ( just saying the words here) doesn't WANT to feel married.

If it were ME I'd say gently ( plan A style) "I am proud when you wear my wedding ring, but I would not have you wear it if you do not want to. I noticed you weren't wearing it today. I'd be happy to discuss the reasons for that if you felt like it. " or something.

COnfrontation doesn;t achieve much oth rthan on D-day in my experience.

Don't worry until you are sure you have something to worry about, mate.

All blessings

* PS - regarding SF etc, in my experience FWS have only peripheral vision for the longest time after withdrawal. They can't stare right at you and your best efforts, as its too painful, so you must be consistently 'there' even when she's not staring at your recovery efforts.

It seems to me that what she sees is a concerted effort to be charming when you want SF, then a snarling, grumpy thing in her peripheral vision once she rejected your advances.

Again IME consistency is king. Also regarding SF, I found that making myself as attractive as I could ( presentation, personality etc) but NEVER doing anything physically affectionate drove FWW crazy until she eventually had to seduce me !.

Not advocating that for you, just saying that 180'ing might be as useful for you s it was for me here.

All blessings

<small>[ January 18, 2005, 03:50 AM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

Thanks Bob. There are times when she is really trying on us (or at least feels that way), but lately I feel she is just here b/c of the kids and guilt. I want to be loved again. She still feels she loves the OM, and as far as I know, actual physical contact (actually "seeing" him) has been 6 months, and that was a chance spotting at a restaurnat and she couldn't talk to him. I know he called her in mid-Nov, but she says it was a short conversation.

She knows that I check up on her, yesterday she went to school (she is a teacher) to prepare her lesson plans and prepare for the week. After about 2-2.5 hours, she calls me on my cell phone from work. I asked her why she called me on my cell phone vice home phone (we don't caller ID on our home phone, it is not offered) and she wanted me to be able to see on my caller ID on my cell that she was at school.

Lots of mixed symbols, but I feel we are not moving forward, and damn lucky to not be sliding backwards, even though I feel we are at times.

Well, I did confront, but was pretty calm. Said I noticed this morning on the way out to work, that her ring was in her jewelry box (it was right on top). She acted sorta pissed, and asked if I was going thru her stuff. She kept saying "i'm wearing it now". I asked do you want not be married? She said she did. Said she was running late and just forgot and took it off b/f bed b/c her hands have been swollen lately, so it hurts. Dunno, just sometimes I think I am just looking for everything, but lately she has been acting sad and wierd. I know it is part stress of the new job, but also I know now this time last year A was burning white hot. Burns be up that she is carrying a torch for someone else.

Hm..... you have hit some triggers and she needs to help you through it. Ask her how you can help her 'swollen hands' (offer to massage them for her), then ask her to help you through your various triggers.

Watch her reactions. It will tell you if the 'swollen hands' excuse was legit or not.

Don't jump to conclusions though..... she grumbles, let her know you are not the expert at triggers, you just get to have them every so often . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


JMHO,
L.