Hi,
Im new here...here is my problem...my Husband has not cheated but what he does is just the same. when we go out there is this one girl who is known to get drunk and start to feel on the men. the first time this happend my husband just sat and let her feel all over him..i was livid..the next time he knew what to expect but he again allowed her to feel on him and he did the same...here we are again we had a party at our house and he was the one who danced with her and just had his hands all over her...i was disgusted..he said he dont remember because he was drunk but i got it all on tape. as i said before this is now the thrid time. every other time i forgave him. he said it wont happen again. but this is the third time so i dont beleive him. i dont blame the girl i blame him because he knows how she is and we have been through this before. what do i do. i get phycially sick when i think of how disrespectful and embarrassed i was in front of our friends..he even left me danceing by myself to go over and dance with this women and was just feeling all over her body...what do i do? pleas help me.

Hello krow,

Welcome to MB.

I am not sure what constitutes cheating in your mind(maybe only sex?) but if my H was actually touching another woman inappropriately, right there in front of me and more than once I would be VERY upset and we would be on our way to counseling.

And if I may ask,just why would you tape such behavior? Your H is fondling some other woman and you're taping it? You have better things to do with your time and your marriage is in trouble.

If I were you,I would let him know how serious things are right now and you want to discuss counseling.Your H's behavior is only the tip of the iceberg so please get professional help.What your H did is unacceptable while married.

As for this other woman,she sounds like a real class act. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Stay away from this person and her behavior.

O

<small>[ January 18, 2005, 08:33 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

I know its stupid for me to stand by taping. but the the last two times this has happend he denied his behavior..pretty much said i didnt see what i actuall saw..i was very disgusted while taping but i had to do it so he wont give me that same spill. can you believe when i told him what he did he actually denied it...but the tape said another thing..

krow,

Either your H is lying or he gets WAY to drunk for his own good. Also I would definitely stop inviting this woman to your parties!

Seriously, Octobergirl is right. Your H is disrespecting you and you need to be strong enough to put an end to it right now. This is a symptom of a much more serious problem and you need to see a counselor to figure it out.

so krow....

obviously it is apparant there are red flags...

first of all though I agree that your husband is 1000 accountable for his actions...there is also the fact that this woman is toxic to ALL marriages....

that it is imperative that we as a social group align ourselves with similiar values that support one another....and support marriages....

marriage are public institutions as well as private ones...and you for one must rid your life of those that are capable of bringing so much disrepect in to your home...and to all married couples in your home....

we must protect our marriages when there are blatant outside forces that are destructive...I hope that you...

1. Tell this woman when and if you ever see her again that you find her disrespect of your marital vows vulgar and she is no longer welcome in your home.....

how are you and your husband getting along...

none or lots of argueing...

are you two meeting eachother needs in most areas and just this area is not right...

what about alchohol use/abuse...too drunk to know what he was doing...oy veh...that gets old..

any children...

ARK

We dont argue..aside from his actions we rarely aruge. we have two kids...and yes the too drunk to remember is very old..each time he was told of his actions..i think he just dont care about my feelings...he thinks its all about him..

krow,

So,how can we help? I think it's obvious that your H has issues with behavior,women,alcohol and maybe other things not mentioned but how is this working for you(to steal a phrase form Dr.Phil)? What about the children? How old are they? Is your H a good father to them or does he drink around them?

What do YOU want to do?

O

He doesnt have an issue with alcohol...its just a good excuse in his mind..he is a great father...I dont know what to do...i feel betrayed and so disrespected...the kids are..11 and 8..the adore him...i am at a loss..i dont know what to do...

Ok,so you don't think your H has an issue with alcohol.

Well,in my opinion,continuing in a marriage where my H was disprespecting me in such a blatant and hurtful way would not fly.A professional counselor can help you both explore what is going on in the marriage and in the mind of your H.

So again,if I were you,I would sit my H down and tell him we have a serious problem and that you want to see a counselor to discuss it.That it is not acceptable to you to be treated as such and it has to stop.That you care about him,love him and want to improve your marriage not only for you but also for your children/family.

I am not you krow and I am not witness to how your life really is day to day but the fact that your H has done this to you 3 times now says a lot.Your H disrespects you as a woman and a wife.He is disrespecting his children's mother and is not setting a good example of how to treat someone he is supposed to love and protect.He does it because,perhaps,you have not made it abundanlty clear that this is unacceptable to you as a woman and a wife and that it threatens your marriage and family.

This is it.Nip this behavior in the bud krow before things escalate.Ok? That is the LEAST you can do with everything at stake here.No one deserves this kind of treatment.He has crossed your boundaries,which is something many of us have been discussing here lately, and he KEEPS ON crossing that boundary because it's not upheld.He says he won't do it again but then betrays you and lies.Enough.

O

<small>[ January 18, 2005, 09:48 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Thanks Octobergirl...you have given me some great advice...

You're very welcome.Let us know how things go. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

O