I really need help this moring. I just found out that my wife is still in contact with the om (via email). This is the 4th time that i caught them since dday July 1, 04. The om is married and his wife doesnt know about the affair.

Should i call her or call him to let them know. I am getting tired of them talking.

She doesnt know what life would be w/o me and im thinking about that. I really love her but im tired of bieng second to the om.

I have been trying to meet her emotinal needs and giving her everything she wants. and i get this in return.

Plan B....for when you have had enough being part of a triangle...and choose out....

ARK

imconfused,
I think that you should let the OMW know what's going on. Exposure is the best pressure you have to end the A. Others may be able to give you some advice on HOW to tell her, but generally speaking I think most here will agree that it's her right to know what's going on.

On the other hand I would never contact the OM about anything. Personally I see nothing good that could come out of that. I have seen plenty of people on this board who have contacted the OP so there is obviously some disagreement. During my STBXW last A the OM actually called, p****d at me for messing things up! I'll admit it was sorta fun messing with him. He was drunk when he called and it was very easy to tear him down, but it didn't really accomplish anything.

imc2...In one of your threads, WAT asked a basic question: Is she still in the affair? Your answer was no. From all of the posts after that, apparently she still is.

I know you wrote for your own personal reasons (OM leaving for business for 3 months?) that you did not expose the affair. However, this is now the 4th time.

Like starman said and proven, exposing will abruptly have the A come to a screeching halt. Be prepared for the reactions, but it most likely will help you to end it.

It's again about personal choices: where do you want this M to go? You have not exposed, from what I've read through your posts, haven't done a Plan A...Regardless of your personal choices, you need a plan in place. Depends on what you want from your M...and what you want from you.

Liny,

I am really impressed with how you kept up with me. I am glad that i get to talk to you. First is how do you remember that, is thier a way to follow someone if so how.

Now the important stuff. I taped my phone and she talked to her girl friend. Her girl friend is in contact with the om via phone bec. they know that i have the phone tied up. My wife is in contact with the om via email. She has had the secret account since 12-14-04. I called my marriage counselor this morning but havent heard from her.

We were supposed to go to marriage counseling yesterday but had to cancel. We are supposed to go next wed.

I have been thing about calling the owoman and i tried to call awhile ago and the om answered and i hung up. I had my call blocked. I will tell the ow.

Give me some insite on how to do this and what will some of the possible outcomes be.

imc2...regarding your sit, i've been following it somewhat...but to get a better understanding of where you were coming from, I reread your posts. (To do this, click on the displayed name, and it will give you a brief "history" of the MB'er. Then go to "view recent posts.")

About you...I'm no expert on what you are asking...I am assuming by your last post, exposure, right? WAT has the best guide to exposure. Read up on it *before* you do anything. Again, an assumption: You haven't Plan A'd, right? You need to read up on that too.

All of the information you need is here, on this site. I'm not sure of how much I can "help" you per se. I just gave some observations. Take a look at the above...give a call out to WAT if you need "help" in applying it.

Best wishes!

WAT has bumped it up for you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ January 18, 2005, 10:54 AM: Message edited by: LINY ]</small>

Well i talked to my wife today and i talked to the om. He is sh--ing in his drawers right now. My wife is out of town rt now and she called me and told me that she wants to come home and talk and put it all on the line.

I asked her what she meant she said that she wants to tell me everything and she is not going to sugar coat it to not hurt my feelings.

I told her that i wanted that from the beginning, so tonite will be interesting.

IM,

Don't believe what your wife or the OM say, at this point. They are looking out for one thing: their affair.

Obviously, both of them have a vested interest in making sure that you don't tell his wife.

If it were me...I'd tell her. You've already given your wife the benefit of the doubt. You owe her nothing.

IM I am sending my WH's e-mails to OW H this week. Wh has not written NC letter yet and I plan on asking him tonight. He can be a bully and yell and demand -my MC told me to pretend he is sitting next to me on the couch when H does this. It works !! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> So I will continue -it somehow gives me strenth something I have been lacking. I feel much stronger now with all the help here and they are correct in what you are being told. You need to make that call before w gets home -do it now call OM W she has a rioght to know. Why are you protecting OM and your WW ?Think about that.

Dear IMC2,

You have gotten great advice from the others. Let me chime in:

Call the OM'W. Now. She deserves to know and it will stop all of this garbage now.

My little story: My now-FWH and the OW were in a hotel room together when her H called her to tell her he knew about the A. He then, on another phone, called my H's cell phone, which rang. That was how he proved to her that (1) he knew; (2) he knew she was w/my H-her OM; and (3)he had my H's cell # (which he'd gotten from her cell records). He also had done a search and had our home #. He threatened to call me if they did not break it off. So, she placated him, promising to break it off. My H wanted to tell me, had, in fact tried 3 times to break it off with her by that time. She begged my not to tell me, saying it would only hurt me. Hah! Such concern! I will always - always - believe, know - that she was fully aware that the day I found out was the day the A would die. And she was right. It did.

Unfortunately, her H did not call me. I don't know why. I wish he had. Eventually, I found out. There was a DDay. This was months later. It was all the more difficult on everyone, me, WH, OW, OWH, b/c every day the A goes on, the bond is stronger and more painful to break.

We are doing well now, thanks to the great folks here at MB, thanks to God, for leading me here, for guiding us back together.

The OW? Still with her husband. She had told my H all kinds of s**t about leaving her H, the monster. So, the last we heard they were still together. I couldn't resist it, I know I shouldn't ever LB, but I had to. I asked,"Wasn't he such a monster? Why did she go back to him? She has plenty of money?"

Good luck. I know how hard this is. Your W is deep in the Fog. Do Plan A. Be strong. You'll get there!
----------------------------------
me-50 FWH-44 M-20 yrs DD-19 DS-15 DS-9
A-2/03-5/04 DDay-5/8/04 WD/fog - 5/04-9/04
In recovery with God's help

Hear your WW out...Is she only coming clean becoz her and OM are worried that you will expose them to his BS?

My WH's MOW told her BS - but only after I caught them red handed..She was afraid that I would call her BS..that's the only reason she came clean..And believe me...she did NOT tell all....I have since spoken to her BS and he doesn't know everything..

I've heard from 2 BS - it's the same story...Actually, I'm numb to it now..Exposure works for alot of people on this board..in my case...it hasn't worked..Some people don't care who they hurt - they aren't afraid..I think it's how you expose and your actions towards your wife..I was yelling alot..WRONG..I was hestrical..WRONG..I allowed him to blame me...WRONG..Even when I confronted MOW I was hesterical...WRONG...

I should have politely, calmly,,called MOW and told her I was aware of the A and she could have him..when are coming for his stuff??? I should have asked her to put her BS on the phone that he had a right to know what his WW was up to..I should have immediately asked my WH to remove himself from our home..get your SH(% together then we can talk - until then - stay out of my space..

But Yes,,,call BS...I bet they are just waiting for your call..I know I was....

imconfused2,

I have to agree with the others. Please expose this A to the OM's W. She can help exert the most pressure to get this to come to an end.

When I found out about my WH and his OW, I did not expose the A. It ended up going on for months and months with me "letting" it go on as I was not willing to expose it and have my WH mad at me. Well, when I finally did expose to OW H, it ended that same day! I should have done it MONTHS prior.

The other person's spouse deserves to know too... I would have been so upset if someone else knew and did not tell me. We all deserve the truth.... and that really shines a light that not a lot of affairs can stand up to.

Please expose this relationship. It mey be painful at first (with your W being mad at you), but it may be the only thing that FINALLY can end the cycle for you, as it did for me.

Best wishes and stay strong in your discussions tonight.

LibbyAnn

Well i am very interested in what my wife has to say to me. I called the om and recorded our conversation and told him that his wife will be interseted in what i have to tell her and show her(proof). He begged and pleaded for me not to tell his wife. After we finished our conversation we hung up and he called me back on my cell phone.

He again pleaded with me not to tell his wife. Get this, he is starting a business and she is the one with the money from what i understand, so he really has a lot to lose.

Everything is up in the air rt now. I want to find out if I can kick my wife out the house or vice versa.

I am over the roller coaster ride, ive been over it awhile, and im just numb and pissed.

What he is he giving you in exchange for not telling his wife? A solemn promise to stop seeing your wife? Are you really going to take this guy's word for it?

You have the power to put the dagger in the heart of affair.

While I understand your interest in hearing what your wife has to say...I think you are making a big mistake if you don't expose.