Ok so my WH decides to open up a little about whats going on in his head. He says he feels uncomfortable with how good I have been treating him and that he feels he hasn't done anything to deserve it. So I am getting all excited thinking he is about to apologize. So I asked him if he was feeling guilty? And he said no not that. What he mean't is he is trying to figure out why I am doing all these nice things. He feels I am just manipulating him and my intentions are not sincere. That if he moves back home I will turn back into a nagging bi@#*. What the heck am I supposed to do? Damned if I do damned if I don't.
I told him he needed to realize that my love was unconditional (except for the A), and that I was making an effort to change my behavior to save our marriage. He has yet to even address what he plans on doing. I told him I would promise to do everything I could as long as he also made an effort. I told him we could not go back to the marriage we had. Two days later he stops by all moping and depressed acting. I don't know if he is testing me to see if I crack or if it is just the moody behavior he has always displayed, which is one factor we are where we are today.

Is there really a trust issue on the other side?

Sounds like a fog issue. My WH says the same kind of things. Not really about Plan A because it's just going. He says he can't tell me things because I use them against him. He doesn't have a clue about how what he does affects my behavior.

I tell him, if you do X, I will become angry. If you don't want me to be angry, don't do X. Tell your WH what behaviors to bring out the B**** in you.

Sounds like your Plan A is working!

Let your H know you love your H but hate the WS. As for him not trusting you, well that ranks a ways behind your not trusting him. Then tell him to stop babbling because he isn't making sense. Also share that if he isn't sorry for what he has done, there isn't anything you can do to help him. Remorse and repentance comes from the inside. It has to come from him 1st. His need to blame or pass guilt in any way shape or form on you is a feeble attempt at best to divert attention away from his need to feel remorse and repentance. He needs to ask for your forgiveness not visa versa.

I told my WS that he was babbling when he uttered stupid stuff like that. Then I walked away from the convo since it was useless. I stayed and discussed things with him when they made sense. I stopped trying to teach the babbling idiot.

Later, much later, the babbling idiot realized he was a babbling idiot. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Then the healing started but that to was a slow learning process. But it was at least headed in the right direction.

JMHO,
L.

gg...thats what I told him. I also told him that maybe he should start doing some things that will atually make him feel worthy of my attention and love. I told him if he planned on moving back and shutting me out of his life again, and treating me like I was invisible , then I could not promise him I wouldn't revert back. Oh and he also mentioned after having to reprimand our DD10 about something, that he was feeling anxious about having to come home and deal with that kind of stuff since his tolerance level has gone down from not being around it. I told him "welcome to reality".

He has also decide to wean himself off of his AD's. Says he doesn't need them and they keep him awake.

Orchid, glad you brought up the placing blame thing. I was thinking it but didn't want to say it. I am not sure he will ever be able to focus on himself. I am finding that our DD12 is the same way. She has an excuse for everything.

My last ques to him during our conversation was "Do you want a divorce" He goes "Ding, ding, ding my time is up Sorry" Well I wasn't going for that this time. I said no way you answer the question. He thought and said "no". I said very clearly "THANK YOU, thank you for answering that"
And we ended our session. Haha I'll send him the bill in the mail.

See how stupid he sounds? Now your dd needs to know about how stupid others sound as well. It may help them see how they need to stop that kind of behavior. Especially good when they are the recipients of that kind of babble. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As for your H not wanting to respond. Most WS don't and take a very very childish approach (as your H did). Sure shows where his maturity is headed.

Now take a que and learn a vital lesson here. You can't tell him what t/d. But you can make him so SOME things. Pick and choose wisely. Misc info or confirmation for you may not be a real priority. If he doesn't want to answer, you let that be your answer as you did but don't push him right now. He is a babbling idiot and until he gets himself past that point, you will just be frustrated having an intelligent conversation with him.

JMHO,
L.