Tree,

That's one of the most confusing things for me too. The whole time since Dday to when I asked him to leave, he admitted it wouldn't last. He maintains he's not looking for another wife or even a girlfriend, says he doesn't want a relationship. I honestly think he thought this might be a fun-filled, passionate, exciting sex only fling. From what I can gather, she's pushing for the committment, he goes along for sex. I could be dead wrong.

He has never asked for a divorce or even to be separated. The 2 or 3 times the separation came up it was because he felt it was too much for me to handle. (Apparently, the pain on my face made him feel too badly). He's said many times, "this may be a phase I'm going through", "right now she makes me happy and I need that". I know, typical WS fog talk, but he seems so damn sincere.

I just want the A over, so he can see if he really wants to save our M.

How do I really give this to GOD?

I agree with afterall ---

I can also add this. If it were MY daughter this jerk (sorry to talk about your souse - er - spouse - that way,) I'd visit his home with a baseball bat. No one is going to mess with my daughter that way. I may end up in jail, but at least she'd know I loved her, and he'd be getting the spanking his dad should have done years ago....

David

David, ouch, WH's name

I'm not opposed to having someone beat his [censored], he deserves it.

One other I would like to expose to is OW's exboyfriend. Just before Dday, she and former boyfriend broke up..they were a couple for 3 years. I'm not sure of his whereabouts, but know that after HS he signed up for reserves, Marines I think.

He'd be a great candidate to kick WH's buttocks!!!!

He called just before coming over tonight (to get clothes, which he forgot and will be back after the gym to get) and said how he felt homeless and it was no fun living out of a gym bag or sleeping on his sister's couch. Then in the next breath said that his living arrangements (female friend of his for over 20 year, no fear of A at all, has her spare room ready after her boyfriend moves out....another sad story....I should give her MB site) will not be ready until March 1st.

I pray he sees better before then. I definately need to make the OW's parents exposure call tomorrow!!!

Hi MommyCB

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> He called just before coming over tonight (to get clothes, which he forgot and will be back after the gym to get) and said how he felt homeless and it was no fun living out of a gym bag or sleeping on his sister's couch. Then in the next breath said that his living arrangements (female friend of his for over 20 year, no fear of A at all, has her spare room ready after her boyfriend moves out....another sad story....I should give her MB site) will not be ready until March 1st.

I pray he sees better before then. I definately need to make the OW's parents exposure call tomorrow!!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I may have missed something, but are you doing Plan a?

Why are you even conversing with him, except for telling him you want to fix your marriage....

<small>[ January 18, 2005, 08:53 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

separated plan A?

YOU CAN DO IT!!!! I wish you the best tomorrow. Be brave!!!!!

I came, I saw, I kicked a$$

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MommyCBaby:
<strong> separated plan A? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmm - good point....I couldn't understand the relationship....Plan B then??????? If so - why are you even talking to him?

MCB, good on you for planning to call her parents. It is the right thing to do. I hope it goes well and they become an asset in this. However, some things to be prepared for:

They may not care. Some parents are just plain odd. They may resent you dragging them into this. They may already have been told you are a lunatic.

So, offer them proof if they seem unconvinced. If they seem nonchalant about it, I would say something to the effect that widening controlled exposure is the plan recommended by MC experts (i.e. MB) and if they do not reign in their DD the next people you tell will be their friends. That may grab their attention.

Make sure you tell them you are trying to save your family, and save your H from future misery. Only talk about saving their daughter from trouble after you are up front about your real motives.

Also, you asked, “How do I really give this to GOD?”

There are many on this forum that are much better at writing about this than me. Just let me say, I would not be able to survive if I did not give it all to God every morning - sometimes several times a day. I say a short prayer, different words each time, but something to the effect, “Father, please keep me close to you today. Please help me to do what is right. I wish to do your will in all things.” Sometimes it is more a concentrated thought than specific words.

Let me tell you another quick story, this one about exposure and giving it to God. A week after DDay2, W had moved out and I was in complete utter misery. I could not think straight. I decided to confront OMM, look him in the eye and ask him what his intentions were. As I was driving to OMM’s office, I became filled with doubt. I panicked. I thought doing this would absolutely drive my W away once and for all. I thought he would laugh in my face. I worried I might be doing it out of anger (I was so numb I did not trust my own feelings). I stopped my truck by the side of the road, got out, knelt in the gravel, and prayed that I was doing the right thing. (I must have looked pretty weird to passers by.)

I prayed for a sign. I said I wanted to do what would help everyone involved and if I needed to get out of the way I would. I was willing to take it all on myself if that is what God wanted of me. I said if I could find OMM I would talk to him. If I could not find him I would leave it alone. Then I drove on, crying so hard I could barely see the road.

I did not know which office or floor was his. It’s a big place. It was Friday afternoon right before Christmas weekend. People were leaving work early. I was sure he was gone already. As I walked up to the main door a fancy sports car came around the corner of the building and parked in an executive spot right across from the door. The guy got out and walked up to the door arriving at the same time I did. I paused and held it open for him.

Then I saw by his ID badge that it was OMM. God did want me to confront him! OMM tried to duck around me but I was standing in his way. He did not want a scene and asked me to follow him to his office. We talked for 30 minutes or so. Regardless of his lack of honesty, future intentions or the probably fallout, as I drove home to cook dinner for DS I felt I had taken some control in my life for the first time in 10 years. It felt good.

Really, give it to God. It works. You may not get what you wanted, but you will get what you need.

I will pray for you tonight.

T

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MommyCBaby:
<strong> I came, I saw, I kicked a$$ </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What does this mean?

I suggest you allow him to come back home. Asking him to leave may have seemed society's conventional wisdom thing to do, but significantly hampers you to complete a good Plan A. Not impossible, just not optimal.

Did I understand corectly that he's sleeping on his sister's couch? Have you exposed to her? To his other family members? Just let them know he's boinking a child and you'll find out what his family's made of.

Also, what kind of business do they work for? Being her supervisor can land him in a LOT of trouble.

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 07:56 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Everyone in his family knows. No one is pleased with him, but no one has turned their back on him either. His office is very small, and the owner knows. Unfortunately, the owner was involved in a similar situation some time ago, and is still paying for it ($$$). All they will do is transfer OW from WH's "leadership" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

OW used to be our nanny, so everyone knows her. Shortly after Dday both our families were exposed. Like I said, no one supports his actions. Everyone says I should move on and he'll come around eventually.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MommyCBaby:
<strong>My MIL keeps saying to let go and let GOD take over. Tonight she says that telling OWs parents won't make her son come back.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Moms more often than not give good advice, but not here. While telling OW's parents will not make her son come back, telling the parents very, very likely will result in the beginning of the end of the affair. THEN coming back gets a chance. Your MIL can be forgiven for not understanding the workings of an affair - like most of the rest of society - so just spill the beans knowing that your MIL doesn't know any better.

WAT