Hi there my friends. I need advice on handling a situation.

I have read a couple of books that are great and I would love my hubby to read. The first one is "Wild at Heart" and the second is "5 Love Languages". I think he would really enjoy "Wild.." because it goes into finding one's passion in life, which I believe he needs - passion. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> The other would help us to communicate better, teaching us to recognize the best way to show how much we love each other.

I have asked my hubby if he would read "Wild..." at some point (this was 4 months ago)because it was important to me. I just left it at that. He hasn't picked it up and it's collecting a thin layer of dust now. I asked him about this a couple of weeks ago and he said that he doesn't want to read it because he "won't get anything out of it." He would have to wait until he was "in the mood" to read. I explained that it was important to me - all the time trying not to sound like a nag - but he wouldn't budge.

I know that I can't "make" him read these books but I'm hurt at the fact that even after I explained my reasons why I wanted him to look at them, why it was important to read, he still wouldn't read them.

Any suggestions? Should I just give up? I realize that I am the FWW but sometimes I feel like I am going at recovery alone. Not all the time, just sometimes.

Hmmm - I could blame Tom Joad for all of this, after all, he did cause my Packers to loose to the Vikings. Yah, maybe I will do that!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

You're coming up on that 1 year anniversary! Neat!

Let me ask you something.... does your H have a strong playful side sometimes????? Can he be teased and enjoy it?

Pep

Sometimes he does. He's very reserved, quite the opposite of me. Once in a while though you can get him to act a little "playful". Problem is his vision of playful and mine are different. His is almost like he's picking on his little sister. I have pointed it out (did last night again) but he doesn't see it that way.

Can you think of a way to make reading a more fun-together activity than a homework assignment?

Pep

I suggested that perhaps we could read the books together, that way we could talk about stuff but he wasn't up for that. I think that sounded too "mushy" to him.

What other way could I make it seem like fun? Read it to him in my birthday suit? I just have no clue.

Oh for heavens sake, just take all your clothes off and start reading it to him. Tell him if he can concentrate on the book and not your "headlights" and red crotchless thong, and then answer the questions at the end of the chapter, he will get a "treat" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

That's what Pep does.

Whoops - douple post.

<small>[ January 18, 2005, 04:41 PM: Message edited by: chackler ]</small>

LOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!! That Pep - she's the "expert"! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

He wouldn't be able to concentrate - he gets all um, aflutter when I wear stuff like that.

Oh but that did give me an idea! Hmmmmmmm... I can make some sort of romantic evening out of it, couldn't I?

Chack!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmm - I could blame Tom Joad for all of this, after all, he did cause my Packers to loose to the Vikings. Yah, maybe I will do that!!!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's not fair. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> The Pack is my second favorite team .... I hate the smelly Vikings. But of course, the Steelers .... well they're the bomb. LOL

As far as your book reading goes. I'm experienced on both ends with this.

Years ago, my STBX wanted me to read some Relationship book. I didn't want to, actually resisted it. I didn't think it had anything to offer me. I was a fireman, I wasn't going to read any girlie-man books ala Phil Donahue.

In May when the STBX and her boyfriend sent a wrecking ball through our home and family. I started reading.... O well. But you know what it really did help me, ... for myself. I read all kinds of R books. It changed my outlook. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You do want you can with what you know. When you know more, you can do more. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Frankly, I didn't know what I didn't know. So I couldn't learn it. Does that make sense?

After I read and read and read, I was really so excited. I wanted to get busy right away. But my STBX had other plans for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Now for the other shoe. My STBX has made these fake overtures of Reconciliation. I asked her to do some things to show me. She didn't do any of them. One thing I asked her was to read the MB books. I really felt it had a good plan, be the source of your spouses greatest happiness.

My STBX won't read the books. Won't learn. I see her making all the same mistakes. I see her doing all the things that made our marriage un-fun for me. But I've learned a new way. I don't want the old unpleasant way.

When I asked if she was reading the book she just says, "you didn't read my book years ago." Tit for Tat crap. I told her I'd read it right now.

Chack, I don't know if any of this helps you out or not. Just showing you I've been on both sides. Not wanting to read to help myself, and not being able to get her to read to help herself.

Hey Weaver!! I like your idea. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> It shouldn't be like a homework assignment. BUT!, for some reason I don't think me sitting in a thong would work for me. If I bought her some expensive jewelry for each chapter she might read some, but she would want to see the jewelry first to see if was worth spending an hour reading a chapter.

Chack - Pork Loin. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You know Tom, I think that if my ex had taken off his clothes, put on a thong (or not) and donned his old reading glasses whilst he walked back and forth in front of me, reading from the book, I would have took notice. I may have died laughing, but I would have wanted to participate. Like you said, it would have been fun, and funny. If only... to late now, for me.

But like you said, we know better now. And it will be different, better, more fun, more sexy...more forever and ever next time around. With the ex, or STBX or with whom ever.

But Chackler has her man there with her and she'll figure out a way to get him involved, I just know it.

Tom, I have a lot of regrets with my ex (not the latest but my DD's dad from years ago). Like what you said about not doing things that he had asked.

All we can do is live, learn, and not repeat, heh?

You are sounding good by the way Tom. Glad to see it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by chackler:

Oh but that did give me an idea! Hmmmmmmm... I can make some sort of romantic evening out of it, couldn't I? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yup... that's the idea... make like Mary Poppins

"a spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down"

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Pep

Ah yes - a spoonful of sugar...Or whip cream perhaps? I don't think Ms. Mary Poppins would approve so I will leave it at that.

Two things.

First, I think it is a great idea to use your man's testosterone to get what you want. Everyone wins!!

The second thing is that unfortunately, we men cant do the same thing. I cant imagine standing in the middle of the room naked with a book telling my wife she will get a "treat" if she reads this with me. See? Doesnt sound the same does it.

It isnt fair.

In His arms.

Mortar - I apologize but could you explain? I hope I didn't offend you with my comments... Being the conflict avoider that I am I don't want anyone upset at me.

MM said: The second thing is that unfortunately, we men cant do the same thing. I cant imagine standing in the middle of the room naked with a book telling my wife she will get a "treat" if she reads this with me. See? Doesnt sound the same does it.

It isnt fair.

he he he... Cackler, I think MM was poking fun at us guys...I can just picture myself trying to do the same thing... and you know what??? I wouldn't be able to do it either!!!

You see, once we guys are "focused"... we have a hard time doing anything else! So reading a book to my W would definitely be out of the question!

Semper Fi,
RIF

Hi chackler,

I asked quite a similar question a while ago, and the answers were also fairly similar. But just in case there is something new to you in there, here is the link:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=035115

Wonderful - thanks smur!

Also, thanks RIF for clearing things up for me.