brief history...

Sept. 24/04 - I receive disturbing phone call from the husband of my H. coworker/friend (we all had hung out at times too). The A. was out of the bag. Other BS and myself continued to communicate and support eachother for the 1st month after D-day (we talked on phone maybe 4x) then I decided to move out as it was apparent my H. was still being dishonest and showing no remorse to change. The calls btwn myself + BH stopped.

I have been separated fr. WH for over 3mos (i decided there was no chance for reconcilliation this past weekend) during this separation my WH would claim to love me one minute, not know what love is the next minute thru tears blah blah ... babble stuff. Claim to friends, family and myself that he is trying very hard to stop communication and he has not seen OW in order to "find" himself.

We have sold our house and we do final paperwork this week-i imagine the communication btwn us will stop as there will be no further reason for us to speak (no kids)

OW + BH are still in Plan A from what i understand and well...my WH was spotted w/OW and her 3 children this past weekend, tobaganning and doing family stuff together - i called this on WH, he was shocked i found out (where we lived is quite small town) he had no response. I am concerned for those girls...what is OW telling those kids..."now, girls dont tell Daddy, but Uncle...so+so is going out w/us today". WH stated it was "wierd" and he did not know what to do in that situation - i just had one word for him, "HOMEWRECKER"

SO my question is this...what is it going to take to make a normal, caring, father to lose it ? the pride gets wounded, egos get stomped and men generally react in an aggressive manner, especially if it involves the kids/family. I am concerned that if BH finds out another man is moving in on his territory (which i am sure word will get out, since it didnt take long for someone to get on the horn to notify me - after all, they are not being discreet) What is my WH getting himself into?

Refer him here hon........the people here can help.

-Caren

Thank u, If other BS - should contact me - i will give him this website info - but i get the feeling he does not want to "know" whats going on ( he knew i had access to cell phone bills for the month of Oct/Nov unbenownst to my husband-I've since made it known to WS of my sneakiness - as it was making me feel ill) I dont know if should make the reach out to him - it may be somewhat invasive.

Does he not know your H is playing Daddy to his kids?

Tell him today. Why wouldn't you?

when i mentioned the "family outting", i asked him if he was curious to know how i found out, my H. then went on to name OW's Husband, it was not him but mutual friends of my H's/myself - but i guess he could just be saying that, he seems to think OW's Husband knows as the kids probably told him, but... he could just be saying that to avoid me from telling.

I am just worried about the outcome - i dont wanna put my BS into even more trouble and if something bad should happen i dont want to be the one that provoked it ( i know, i am certainly not the one to provoke this, my wonderful cheating husband got himself into this mess in the first place)I guess i want to wash my hands of all this & move ahead and putting this behind me and one day i hope i can speak to my H. with out hate and total disrespect. but i guess i still care about his well-being and i do hope we can be on "friendly" terms (hi, how are you? if i should see him at a restaurant ... that kind of thing)

Oh i dont know - i hate stirring up controversy (that may well have been why my WH started an affair, i never got mad about all the time he was away "training" for triathalons etc) I am going to think this over - maybe call OW's husband tommorow when OW is out of the house.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ginabean:
<strong> I am just worried about the outcome - i dont wanna put my BS into even more trouble and if something bad should happen i dont want to be the one that provoked it</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">gina - something very bad is ALREADY happening!!

Hellooooooo????? Any one home in there??

Think of it this way - by NOT informing OW's H, you are enabling the affair. You are an accomplice. You are furthering their secret. You may as well be a participant.

WAT

Worthatry,

HE KNOWS THEY ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR. . OW's husband has chosen to not keep in contact w/me. During our last call, just before I moved out, it was apparent there was a change in his tone/manner - I got a strong impression that he was uncomfortable, they both had just started thier counselling and according to him they were doing fine. Talking to me was destructive. He would rather bury his head in the sand and pretend his marriage was on the road to recovery...he didnt want to deal w/these issues - he had his own problems i had mine (OW's husband was in plan a - my husband wanted plan b) I felt i was a distraction and nuisance.

I have made a decision to not get involved any more. This is no longer my battle. I guess i just wanted a mans view and feelings on this situation but i am unwilling to get any more involved than i already have.

I am NOT enabling thier affair, i have always told OW's husband to call anytime for mutual support - he knows my cell# and my work#. If i had known of this web site before i had taken on plan b i would have given it to OW's husband and i would have done different things during the plan A-but my H. and i went to a MC and spent a crazy amount of $ to discuss our past childhood and repressed feelings, never did the MC discuss the A. and the feelings that both of us would experience and go thru and I feel we were misled from Day 1. I feel i know more now from reading the articles and reading articles posted but, its sad to say, its too late.

So, please do not portray me as a fool and accuse me of enabling the affair. I have done all i can do and frankly I am tired.

gina - tbis is what you wrote:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ginabean:
<strong>I am concerned that if BH finds out another man is moving in on his territory (which i am sure word will get out, since it didnt take long for someone to get on the horn to notify me - after all, they are not being discreet) What is my WH getting himself into? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have information about the welfare of another betrayed person's children due to a affair that this person does not know. You asked what to do and I suggested a very simple solution to relieve you of your anxiety. You suggest you have compassion for this situation yet you have chosen so far to not act on it. That is your choice and hopefully the grapevine will do the "dirty work."

WAT