Everyone talks about the "Fog". I have read this is caused by the lust, passion and excitement and risk of the affair. Is that pretty accurate? If so, with my situation, or my WW's, she started with EA in Sept 03 and that turned P in Nov 03 thru late Dec 03. They are completely done, no contact. Then she had a ONS with an old flame 4-04. They are done, NC. Then this latest thing for all I can tell will be short if it wasn't a ONS. If she isn't currently, actively in an affair, is it "fog".

It is as if she feels that since we are separated she is single and can sleep around. THIS IS SO OUT OF CHARACTER FOR HER!! Is she in the "Fog" or just plain done with us and is moving on to this new life? Or is this the "real" her and she has been trying to be someone else for the past 15 years??

That's why I ask, if she was in some sort of fog that she could come out of I would have hope, if not, well, there isn't much hope anymore anyway.

Well in my case, the "fog" for my WH lasted way beyond ther last A. There was alot of the "I love but I am not in love with you", and "you deserve so much more tha this". All true in his mind... and yes, I deserved better.

He recently revealed a new A and sounds exactly the same. I don't know what to believe, what to listen to, what is real, what is false.

When he says he will probably just hurt me again, he may be right. But, I also know that he is infamous for cop-outs and when it gets hard his first instinct is to run. He has alwyas been good at putting upthe walls and going through the motions.

What sucks is that it leaves us BS feeling empty and doubting ourselves. I hate that part the most. I have a pretty good grip on who I am and what I want, and yet he can rip it all away and leave that trembling child who is terrified of being abandoned.

The answer to your question..I believe..is this.

Q "How does a person arrive at a destination that they did not intend to journey towards?"

A "Denial and rationalization."

Noodle