I was thinking that with all of the responses from the former WWs, that if my WW were to see this site, it might help.

Am I being a wishful thinker?

Would trying to get her to come here be seen as a judgement?

Just trying to think of anything I can do, I feel like I am on a train wreck that I can see coming, and can't stop.

Hosea_2004

Absolutely it would help. However don't be surprised if she refuses. Most WS's do refuse. Good Luck.

FR

hosea,

I told my WW/STBXW about my posting here. Gave her my login name and all. She came, she signed up but has yet to post. She does lurk, however, to see what I am posting. I suppose it is worth a shot at asking her but as fishracer said she may not want to post. You may not want to give her your username so you can still vent if you feel the need. Since we are divorcing I guess it doesn't bother me if my WW/STBXW sees what I am posting, even if it is a vent.

MIF?

GOOD GOD MAN HAVE YOU GONE DAFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

No hosea...YOU should NOT tell YOUR wife about this place...

you my friend are working on seperate playing fields and you need this place to be a safe place for you while you fight for the rights of your children....

you don't want nor need her here in the thick of her believing what she is doing to the children is OK....

be well...and know that your momentary loss of sanity has been forgiven... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

ARK

Hosea_2004,

Coming from a BS's perspective, yes I would want my WS to come to this site.

In my case my WW did come to the site and her take was that there are a lot of screwed up people here( implying SHE is not one of them).

If you are familiar with my story, you will understand what a bizarre statement that was!!!!

I believe that a WS can come to this site( most probably as a lurker but participation would be better), utilizing its resources as a tool for some long needed introspection. Hopefully this will then propel them into IC and MC.

I think this is a fine place for the WS to come AFTER they're ready to truly work on the marriage. While they're still in the A, I think inviting them here would backfire. Particularly if it comes down to Plan B.

Ark & Dobie, while I agree with the rest on one plane, You 2 hit the nail on the head for me, ark, I especially want to thank you for remembering my position, it's great comfort to know that someone out there (& here) knows the challenge I am facing, and therefore I will not turn her on to this place yet, & if I do in the future, I will wait until we are in recovery (please dear Jesus, hear my prayer)before I tell her about this place.

In His Love,
Hosea

Hosea,

I wouldn't recommend it. My STBX found out I was visiting the site while we were still co-habitating.

Right now you need a place to come and talk. Ask your questions, share your worries, share your pain. This is not the place for your WW right now.

My STBX visited the site. She only wanted to know what I was saying. Did not read any posts, did not use the forum as a place to learn. Until your WW is a Former WW. I don't think this board will make any difference to her.

Occassionally you see an active WW post on this site. An unrepentant, actively adulturous spouse, posting on this site.

You can't change your WW. This board can't change your WW. She may not be ready for this place.

Anyway, my STBX watched my postings here. Ridiculed me. Ridiculed the site. Attacked me. Tried to get me to stop coming here. All the while she continued her lust affair with her boyfriend.

Keep your WW away from here for your own sake. If she is ever ready to change, this place may help her and you.

God Bless you Hosea.

.

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 09:04 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

I used to print threads or good comments from the BB and tell my FWW she owed it to me to read the messages. When they are in the fog, there is nothing you can say to get their attention. I just kept pouring stuff on her.

Exposure was the best tool. To this day, she doesn't like MB's due to the advise that I got from it.

There is not one thing that works, it is a series of everything. Undoing a love affair is very time consuming, tedious, and painful. They believe the fantasy is real. Exposure exposes a different side of the lover the WS hasn't seen before.

Good Luck

TooSoon

Thanks for the input, I did the exposure, although since OM was in another state, and therefore not anyone I knew, there was nobody on his side for me to expose to. WW was all enraged when I exposed, and I have not heard much from anyone I exposed to since. I talked to her mom a few times right after d-day, but now we haven't spoken since new years, maybe I will call her tomorrow. I know she has talked to WW, and I would hope that she would talk to me, since she was so supportive of me. Now I'm afraid that she might turn out to be an enabler, if so I would just flip out.

I never had any relationships with any of WW's friends or co-workers, so my exposure I'm sure was merely downplayed as sour grapes on my part. WW even said to my sister that since she had started some paperwork that it wasn't an A!!!!

bottom line of my sig says it all.