(I posted this in Recovery, but figured I'd post it here as well, to get as much feedback as I can. Thanks)

Yesterday in IC, my therapist talked about the OW. She said that I shouldn't dismiss the idea that the OW had done this before, even though she claimed she never did. We both claimed we never did. In talking to the therapist, I recalled a few very questionable, uncomfortable things about the OW--some situations she was in. I'm just now starting to question if I was in a long line of OW that she had, and if so, I'd feel even worse about the A.

How would you WS' feel if you found out that your OP lied to you about previous affairs? If I found out that this was true, and that the OW had a history of relationships like ours, I'd feel even more used and horrid than I do now.

CC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
How would you WS' feel if you found out that your OP lied to you about previous affairs? If I found out that this was true, and that the OW had a history of relationships like ours, I'd feel even more used and horrid than I do now.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'll answer for my H ... He found out he was #9 not #1.

He did not feel "more horrid" he felt more grateful that it was OVER at last!

YOU can choose your response .... you can choose to feel like you escaped something rather dark that took over your life for awhile.

What your issue is, in my opinion, you'd still like to hold onto the notion that your A was somehow beautiful. And the fact that is was not so beautiful frightens you.

If you call things by their proper name, you get into less trouble later. It was adultery, not a "love affair"... see what I mean?
You're making great progress by the way! GOOD for you !!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Pep

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 02:59 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Pep,

Thanks for your response. Being in a rush, I don't think I posted the question properly. I'm not looking at my A with rose-colored glasses. I'm trying not to be surprised by any subsequent information I might find out regarding it.

What I meant was that if I found out that she had done this before (while telling me that it was a one-time deal), then I'd be very mad that I was strung along. Going into it as a one-time thing for us both is a whole different story. If I had known that she did this before, it would have set off all kinds of red flags for me and I NEVER would have done it with her! I would have seen her in a WHOLE different light, if that makes sense. Instead, I saw it as the two of us crossing that line together, after having known TONS about each other--sharing deep dark secrets and all...

My other concern is that she could easily do this to someone else. I would hope that her H did know the truth about our A, as well as other A's. I don't even know if he is aware of the whole truth! She cut off communication with me as soon as I said I felt like telling the truth to our H's. So, maybe he doesn't know. Maybe she DID do this before. I'd feel badly for him and for other people she could do this too, even though it shouldn't be my concern.

CC