don't know where else to turn. My most recent stitch is I removed the RO from my WH - we are separated but he stayed with us for about a week and I was getting confused again. He wanted to know what I wanted and I said I want my H back --he said I think I want that too -- and I understand the NC thing - she is a good friend - but I have banged her. I want her to rent the house (our investment property). And he left that night. What the heck was that major babble?

I don't get a call the next day - he was suppose to come back to get my car fixed. We talk Friday he overslept won't be able to get my son from school. He tm me on Sat -- I leave him a message
about our plans. I tm on Sunday -- about while he is trying to decide who he likes better we need to split the utilities. He tm's me back to relax he is going to fix the car in the morning and he misses us. I tm back saying I have to work.

No call on Monday or tm, No call on Tuesday -- he tm's me that evening saying he has been sick and would like to come over the following day. I don't respond.

I decided to get my car fixed and take it in this morning --the brakes were so bad it sounded like a train was stopping. I need new rotors in the front, new disks in the back anyway to the tune of $950!!! I call wh this evening and he gets very upset - screaming at me for doing this I knew he was going to take care of it-- he was screaming and crying in disbelief that I would do this to him. It is his van blah blah.

Ok I know he is being irrational - but I HATE him or anyone being upset with me. I have two kids running around and all I want to do is stay in bed and make the anger from him go away.

I keep wanting to call him and say I am sorry don't be mad I love you. Anything to make it better. What is wrong with me.

tdr: You did exactly the right thing by taking the car to the shop and getting it fixed. WH said he would do this but never showed up -- so what were you supposed to do, ride around in a car with failing brakes? No, you behaved like a grown-up woman and took care of it yourself. Good for you.

And that, dear, is precisely why WH got so mad. He does not want you to be a mature and capable woman. He wants you to be a scared-rabbit BS who jumps whenever he says "Boo," is helpless without him, and would not dare say a word to him about his cheating.

He saw you move right on without him, making it clear that you can handle things without him if you need to. He doesn't want that. He wants you to stay right where you are and wait for him to tell you what to do and how to feel. But you showed him you were not going to do that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> , so his reponse was to rage at you and try bully and scare you into being dependent on him again.

DO NOT LET HIM DO THIS TO YOU!!! IT IS RIGHT OUT OF THE WS HANDBOOK. DO NOT FALL FOR THIS!

By the way: He is not trying to "decide who he likes best." He has decided that he likes having TWO women in his life. That IS his decision and he is trying to bully you into going along with it. Don't let him scare you. He'll try his best -- but he failed this time. Good on ya, tdr. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Mulan

tdr, I hate it when anyone is upset with me too. I think that is why I had such a hard time making clear boundaries with my husband and an even harder time enforcing them.

This may not help, but I'm proud of you that you did what you had to do (can't be driving an unsafe car) once your h proved you could not count on him.

Your husband is angry because you showed that you don't NEED him. You were able to solve a problem. He showed you that you were not able to count on him for something as minor as a car repair so you took it upon yourself to solve the problem. He does not like to see that you can do things without him. I'll bet he's not even angry, I'll bet he's just hurt and confused.

It's no fun when someone is angry with you, but try to be a little proud of yourself at the same time, okay? I'm not your h, but *I'm* proud of you!

Incidentally...a few months ago I asked my husband for the money to pay off the rest of my outstanding tuition at my university so I could get my transcripts. I had a clear plan to pay him back (would transfer the payments I was making to the university to him.). I asked him for the $$ because I swore long ago that I would never ask my parents for money again (they're very anal about it). I needed my transcripts ASAP so I would not miss the application deadline for the university. Well, he said he would be more than happy to help me with that tuition...but then he hemmed and hawed and i wasn't getting the green. So I did bite the bullet and asked my Dad for the cash who most surprisingly was more than happy to help. When I told my h that I did not need him to help with the tuition anymore, I too got a confused reaction from him. I think it made him uncomfortable that I had alternate means of solving my problems other than him--even though counting on him too much during our marriage was one of our issues. Strange breed these spouses can be!

Thank you Mulan and aislinn you have know idea how much better I feel knowing someone else out there thinks I did the right thing and the strong thing. I have a long way to go but getting my own car fixed is a step in the right direction. Now I am going to read the 5 of 6 books my kids picked out for their bedtime stories (maybe I can negotiate it down to 3) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

tdr

Hi tdr -

I just had to drop by and tell you that your fellow Geogian is proud of you too. Be the strong woman you obvously are, make him realize that he needs you as much or more than you need him.

You are likely a conflict avoider like I am. Rather have a kick in the head than have anyone upset with me for ANY reason. I've had to learn to get over that (somewhat) with the stage I'm at now.

Enjoy every minute of reading those bedtime stories. I did it for years and the dividends are fabulous. I used to try to skip a page sometimes, but I always got caught and had to read the whole book.

Enjoy it. Those days pass quickly.

Georgia