My WS does not seem to be in withdrawal very much and I'm not sure that he's even in a fog. Maybe he just hides his feelings so well.
It's been 6 weeks since D-day and I have so many ups and downs. We'll have a great day one day and the next day I am nothing but tears, and he didn't even do anything wrong.
Since I found out about the A he's been a changed man. I am just worried that it will not last. He kept contact with OW for a couple weeks after I found out, at which time SHE ended it.
The A did not get to die it's natural death and for that I wonder will he always see her and something he loved but couldn't have and resent me for exposing the A?
He did run into her yesterday and I think that is why I am so depressed today. He said he tried not to look at her and wants to just forget. I'm not sure what that means.
He checks in with me several times per day. I cornered him into logging into his email the other night. He deletes everything right away so even if there was something I wouldn't have found it. He used to chat with OW online a lot during the day.
I just feel that I cannot trust him no matter how hard he tries to regain my trust.
I am just so afraid that we will try so hard and still not make it in our marriage.
We are both in IC and hope to do MC if we decide that we even want to stay married. I am just not sure that I can ever forget and that I will be a ball of tears forever and just drive him away.
Been doing a pretty good plan A since D-day and we did the EN questionnaire. We haven't gone through all of it yet. We are just doing a little at a time to let it sink in and be able to discuss before we move on.
I guess I'm not even sure what I'm asking here but just want to know if this sounds normal and like a good start to rebuilding the marriage.
I am reading Surving an Affair and it's helped me understand a lot. Anyone have any suggestions on how to not have these meltdowns every couple days?
I do take wellbutrin and know that it has helped me a lot. My dr raised my dose after I found out about the A, otherwise I am not sure I would be able to handle this emotionally.
Any input would be appreciated. thanks!

Hi Suzy...

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this crud. I really think you two need to get into MC as soon as possible. Don't wait until you two decide you are going to work on your marriage because the longer you wait, the longer you put off recovery.

As far as books go I read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass (I think). It's a great book and very insiteful. A lot of people here have read His Needs/Her Needs by Steve Harley and I really want to read that one too, just haven't had the time.

As far as the meltdowns you are having - it's very normal. I have to admit, I was on Welbutrin and it didn't do a dang thing for me (I have clinical depression). I switched to Zoloft and my depression subsided and the panic attacks are gone. Maybe switching meds might help.

Hugs to you...

Chack

thank you for your reply chack.
I agree with you so much about getting into marriage counseling. We did go to one session just a few days after I found out about his A. Once the story was spilled, the counselor said we should get IC and he couldn't have his cake and eat it too. (WS hadn't stopped seeing OW yet.) She said once we decided that we really wanted to commit to the marriage then we should come back and see her.
I can't tell you how mad that made me. What we need right now are the TOOLS to learn the next steps!! Thank God for this message board and website. It has helped me so much.
I just checked out the Shirley Glass website a few days ago. thanks for the suggestion on the book. I will get it.

I have to say with the wellbutrin, it has been great for me for the past two years. I have anxiety attacks where my chest tightens up and I can't breathe. Also a bit of depression I would guess too. It did help me greatly and I felt lucky because it is one of the few AD's with almost no side effects.
The dr has upped my dose to the max now, which I believe is 450 mg per day and I just started it a few days ago. I have been so weepy since then, while before I thought I was doing pretty good, considering the circumstances! I break out in tears a few times a day now -- seems almost worse than it was on D-day!! Not sure if it is just the medication or my thinking too much.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by suzychapstick:
<strong> Once the story was spilled, the counselor said we should get IC and he couldn't have his cake and eat it too. (WS hadn't stopped seeing OW yet.) She said once we decided that we really wanted to commit to the marriage then we should come back and see her.
I can't tell you how mad that made me. What we need right now are the TOOLS to learn the next steps!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think you found a great MC...what she says is 100% CORRECT. MC is worthless if BOTH partners are not committed to fixing the marriage. MC has no role in reparing your marriage if your WH is still seeing the OW. AFter he establishes NC..then you can faithfully try and recover your marriage.

I think you need to develop safeguards to ensure continued NO CONTACT during the withdrawal phase.

Has he written a NC LETTER which you can write together. He needs to say that he loves you and will not see, talk to or communicate with her ever again in his lifetime. He also needs to ask her to not contact him. There is a sample letter in the Harley book, Surviving an Affair.

Also, E-Mail Addresses and Phone numbers need to be changed. Also it seems to be a need to remove temptations offered by the computer.

Just my thoughts...

The A addiction is intense. Recovery is difficult for the WS.

Hi Suzy...

Well I hope the higher dosage will help you.

So if I am not mistaken, your husband is still involved with the OW? Have has he tried NC and failed or did he even give it a shot? You might want to talk to others here on exposure - when, how and all that. It seems drastic yes but it completely blows the fantacy of the affair apart. What are your thoughts on doing that?

I have heart others mention "Surviving an Affair" by Harley as well. I haven't read that either but a lot of people here recommend it. Also, you need some IC to help you with this as well.

Sending more hugs your way...

Chack