Thanks for the words of encouragement.

What is happening now with your stitch.

Please give us an update.

Three weeks you are so strong 5 days and i feel like banging my head against the wall. You see i am a need to know person and the lack of information is killing me.

I know the answer is Plan B very very dark but oh it feels so hard.

How are you coping.

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 06:23 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>

Dyinghere, you ask me how I cope? I don´t know. I justtry to make it day to day. Every day is different. I always start out with hope, hope that maybe I´ll get a new job (which will keepme busy and help with my financial worries) hope that WH might start getting out of the fog (but so far no signs) hope that I feel I can stand up by myself whatever happens (not there yet, but trying)... Anyway I am an optimist by nature, so I always start out positively.

Sometimes I feel like crying so I try to find the place and the time to be able to.I always feel better afterwards.

I have been pretty dark really, that´s why I don´t post much. What can I tell when nothing has really happened, at least between WH and me because being in plan B there is no interaction.

I live in the southern hemisphere so it is summer, and the holidays for the kids. all three Ds have gone to friend´s houses at different beaches and this has been going on since the 1st jan. I have asked them to come home nexst weekend so that we can get together and start establishing some kind of summer routine. I think that that will be the moment when they will really be aware of the separation and WH´s actions etc. Actually all 3 Ds have told me that they don´t want to ever see OW again.I´m not sure WH knows this although he has not ever taken OW to any outing with Ds since he left. Actually he denied OW to his mother!
Since she is his employee I stated that unless he fires her I would not think of getting back together. So it is a very obvious action which has to occur.

So that is how it is, day by day. At this time of the year I would normally be spending 10days or a month at our beach house, with or without my Ds but that is where he took OW, so I refuse to go now. I went to another beach on the weekend and this weekend I have a party at the beach too which I will go to although I don´t really feel like it. It´s a family affair.

Anyway I havve to go to work now. Be strong, stand up straight, and work on yourself. Try to not to think of WH or OW or the A. I lovethe expression "get a life!" because that is what we have to do!

cc46

You be strong too.

I cant work as i help run own business with WH but that is where OW is so now in Plan B not going there.

Dont know how i will sort this out as i can only do the work. Today tax people rang to arrange annual meeting so i had to make a date for the appointment. Even though i want to let go i cant as the work needs doing. Went in last Sunday no one there did essentials. I take care of all the finances sort all the money wages etc so it has to go on.

WH cant see any problem in outer space land.

You need to keep busy. I will try to find something else to do. Maybe another job dont know what though.

I am in the northern hemisphere it is cold. Kids in school. Lots of time on my own. Not good. But then i dont know if i want people around or not. It is better thekids are in sschool as i dont think i could take the demands of teenagers now.

Are your family near by?

Dyinghere,
sorry I didn´t answer sooner. I didn´t see your reply!
It´s funny that your OW is exactly the same age as mine 32 and that they both work with WH!

I´m not involvedin his work but his office was at home until may 03 when he moved out. He has said the A started in august but probably it was an EA long before. I don´t have any details because I am not interested in all the images they would produce if I knew them not knowing whether the M has a chance. WH was onñy answering yes,no and I do´t know anyway so I didn´t get much chance to get more info. As I said tho, I don´t dwell on OW,she is a worthless promiscuous selfish not loyal person. I have learned on this web site that OPs are that kind of person.I guess there are all kinds in this world LOL.

Anyway, we have to be busy, do things for ourselves, be true to ourselves.That´s the most important thing. I have no trouble sleeping because I am true to myself. I would never cheat and don´t even pretend I might. That doesn´t mean I don´t talk to friends, even male friends,but in no situation which might be wrongly interpreted.I have never done it and will not now. I am proud to be true to my word. Hopefully that reinforces the fact that what I say in my plan B letter is true and I will keep my word and my promises. I think that is part of the Lighthouse idea. You have to be consistent and keep your word.

In the meantime,sincethis is sure to goon for quite a while, at least a few more months because the fog is thick, I will work on myself, to be an even nicer and better person. It´sa good ezample for the kids and whatever happens,we will comeout of this situation better than we were.

Find some hobby that you always wanted to do. I am going tomake soap as soon as I can go get the ingredients I need. I am already doing lots of crafts which is something I always wanted to. They keep me busy.

What are your plans now? I think it´s a great idea to go do you work when there is no one else at the office. Shows how responsible and rational you are. Can you keep doing that without going on sundays? maybe early morning or late in the evening?

Dyinghere,
sorry I didn´t answer sooner. I didn´t see your reply!
It´s funny that your OW is exactly the same age as mine 32 (I just found out how old she exactly was today) and that they both work with WH!

I´m not involvedin his work but his office was at home until may 03 when he moved out. He has said the A started in august but probably it was an EA long before. I don´t have any details because I am not interested in all the images they would produce if I knew them not knowing whether the M has a chance. WH was onñy answering yes,no and I do´t know anyway so I didn´t get much chance to get more info. As I said tho, I don´t dwell on OW,she is a worthless promiscuous selfish not loyal person. I have learned on this web site that OPs are that kind of person.I guess there are all kinds in this world LOL.

Anyway, we have to be busy, do things for ourselves, be true to ourselves.That´s the most important thing. I have no trouble sleeping because I am true to myself. I would never cheat and don´t even pretend I might. That doesn´t mean I don´t talk to friends, even male friends,but in no situation which might be wrongly interpreted.I have never done it and will not now. I am proud to be true to my word. Hopefully that reinforces the fact that what I say in my plan B letter is true and I will keep my word and my promises. I think that is part of the Lighthouse idea. You have to be consistent and keep your word.

In the meantime,sincethis is sure to goon for quite a while, at least a few more months because the fog is thick, I will work on myself, to be an even nicer and better person. It´sa good ezample for the kids and whatever happens,we will comeout of this situation better than we were.

Find some hobby that you always wanted to do. I am going tomake soap as soon as I can go get the ingredients I need. I am already doing lots of crafts which is something I always wanted to. They keep me busy.

What are your plans now? I think it´s a great idea to go do you work when there is no one else at the office. Shows how responsible and rational you are. Can you keep doing that without going on sundays? maybe early morning or late in the evening?

bump

There have been some developements in my situation dont know how to make any sense yet will post on my main thread.

I will have to totally concentrate on me from tomorrow as i feel i am concentrating too much on this whole mess.

You seem so calm i dont believ you are though inside. keep talking to me it is good to talk.

Will post more later.

Have to go out now.

Dying here,
I may seem calm in black and white but today I´m a mess!!! spent most of the afternoon crying. Sometimes the pain is so bad, mainly when there is some kind of contact by WH. I´m stillnot detached enough, but this is the beginning... so I hope it will get better.

I´ll read your main thread to see how your sitch has changed.
Tomorrow I´m going to the beach with family and a family party at night ans will be back on sunday. I won´t have internet.
Monday is my birthday and WH has sent me a book! Nice huh??

Hey DH, what´s happening??? I´mworried you haven´t answered. What has happened?

Today was my birthday. Spent most of the morning cooking and crying but had quite a good time with DDs family and friends. WH is following instructions in plan B letter exactly! isn´t that strange? He sent me a kiss thru one of Ds.
Anyway I´mworried about you, give us an update!

cc46

I have just read this post i hope you had a good birthday with your DDs and friends.

It seems like an eternity since i last posted but nothing has really changed.

WH is still in the fog.

He tells me he can see that he and OW have no future but he still needs to help her he still loves her so in his mind that makes everything okay.

He says i have not giving him space and time only 5 months since D~DAY.

He says neither me or OW can force him to do things. Yeah as if I want to.

He really is fogged he thinks it is okay to carry on as before eventhough he says everyone is in too much pain.

YOu know i can't write everything he said but just thinking about it as i write to you really makes me see how much he is still on the fence.

Mimi is right.

Even WH says i should have left him to rot at his friends.

He tells me he cant leave me he loves me he has an emotional bond with me and i am the mother of his children. I think he is just ranting.

How are you doing .

Is your WH living on his own.

Do you ever bump into him at all.

Hi Dying Here
Seems tome you have to pay attention to what Mimi says. 5 months is not that much time for these situations, I´m thinking at least 1 year! It´s horrible to think how much time that is but from everything I have read it´s the least you have to plan for. At least after that much time you probably feel safe whether you decide to D or you decide to keep waiting.
At this stage thereare toomany emotions involved.

As for your questions, WH got himself aplace not too far away. His usual route to and from work passes very near the house and one saturday at 8 am we crossed paths on a corner while I was out with the dog.He was with OW in the car and didn´t seeme, I think it was the fog (his own) because there was no one else around.
Otherwise I just spy on him when he comes topick DDs up. He´s following my instructions in the B letter!!!! I was worried about him doing exactly what I said there but actually it is very respectfulof him, so we haven´t had any conversations exceptone about finances.
He´s away this weekend, at the beach.
I´ve been reading alot about MLC and am convinced that WH is having a crisis. The plan is basically the same as when they are having an A only the fog seems thicker and it may take more time to go away. PATIENCE and being gentle is the key to solving these sitches the best way possible. At least I ´willdo everything possible so that after it is over I will feel OK about myself whatever the actual results are.

Had a good birthday and so did the girls. MIL has been very supportive but WH is avoiding her too so not much she can do.
Anyway, what about you?
Having problems with internet today so I may not be able to answer untiltomorrow. Take care and reread Mimi´s instructions

BTW, DH, where are you? Iam 3 hours forward from the US east coast, so in my mornings there is very little activity in the forum.

cc46

I am in Europe 6 hours forward. Yes it is very slow in the morning.

I just lost a very long post i wrote to you oh well here goes again fingers crossed.

It must have been very hard for you to see WH with OW how does he keep saying there is no A when he is with her?

I get to see OW at least 3 days if i go to work it was okay last year but now i cant do it anymore its too painful and disrespectful WH does not have a glue.

I need to get something else to do or the days are starting to feel too long. Have to get up the energy to look first though.

I should have stayed in plan b even though it was the most painfull thing i have ever done. How are you coping does it get easier with time.
I feel i have lost the edge of Plan B with WH but i got to do it. I will I will.

When you are a couple it seems that you know so many people but when you are on your own there are so few maybe it is because everyone else is a couple.

I am now only seeing the philosophy of SH Plan A and B. Do different things for yourself make changes in you and your situation so that you see the world differently and if you do get back together or D then you can cope regardless because you are already looking at things differently and have created a new space for youself.

Right going to make dinner now everyone coming in at different times tonight so its going to be chilli.

I am going to post this on my main thread too so answer me there. That way everyone gets to see how fuddled okay stupid i am.


Keep strong.

Oh well it gets better WH just rang to ask me if i had OW bank account details as it is time to pay her. I wrote a cheque last friday but it seems as she is away she wants to have it done now before she comes back next week. See it is like a soap. When you make one think of me and squash it for me please.

DH, I wrote you a long answer and either it got lost or ison your other thread (the one I threadjacked).
Anyway what Imost want to say to you is to go to plan B calmly. Remember it is mainly for your protection. While WH is emotionally abusing you by having this A, you cannot even thinkof recovering your M. You have to make him RESPECT you and that begins when you go dark. Respect yourself tooby not tolerating the A. Maybe I´m proud but it´s what most convincesme of staying dark: his A is disrepectful tome and if I allow it I am not even respecting myself.
Please read Mimi´s advice.
Keep posting, don´t disappear