I know that Plan A is for the BS, and I've been at it for about 3 1/2 months now (even before I knew about the A).

But my WH moved in with OW hundreds of miles away, and tho we talk on the phone almost daily, he mostly calls to talk to our DD. When I talk to him, it's never about anything, he won't open up of course. He has OW there, fulfilling his EN's.

That kills me, because before his A started in Oct., we used to talk to each other several times a day, even when he was working in town. It's very hard to go from being so close to him treating me like a stranger. We've been together since we were teenagers, btw.

Now, I am wondering whether I should say more than,"Bye, thanks for calling." and then hang up. He was here for 6 days at Christmas time and SAW many of the changes I had made, in myself and in the running of our household. But I am afraid thta the longer he stays away, the more time will let him forget the changes he saw, and allow him to re=write our history.

Mainly, I just wondered if it would be a love buster if I got off the phone even more quickly with him; he knows I want him to come home and work on our M. If I suddenly let go completely, will he think I have given up? Thank you for any help. TKD

bump

Anybody have an idea? I am desperate. I REALLY want to talk to my WH when he calls, but it hurts so much, because he is so distant and BRIEF. He is shutting me out of his life now, which is understandable since he is living apart from us.

bumping, as I really would like some advice

T,

Sorry for the delayed response. I didn't see this until now. Please be patient with us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Your H is in a fog. He is not interested in family nor it's obligations.

Plan A is done by you and for you. The benefits are for you and your family. His notice or lack of notice is secondary.

Secure your finances and prepare for him to abandon you all even more. Secure your children custody along with child and spousal support. Check out your legal options.

Can he afford these 2 lifestyles? Will anything make it crash?

Get with a good MC or do phone counseling with Steve from MB asap.

Read Love must be tough by Dr. James Dobson. Also read Surviving an Affair and His needs/Her needs. These 2 are by Dr. W. Harley. The later book will teach you how to communicate to a male and how to deal with the fog.

Post back and let us know how you are doing.

HOw old are your children?

L.

Thank you so much for responding, Orchid. I have all the books you suggested, and more.

My dd is 9.5, and she is still in the dark about what's happening. He has a job that requires quite a bit of travel, so to her it's just a longer version of that.

I have to say that he is doing everything he can to provide for us right now financially. I have been told by others that that may change, because of the fog, but right now he is doing everything he can to hold up that end.

Thank you very much for your advice! TKD1