This is my first post to a message forum, so please bare with me. I just found this site and I'm thankful I found it. A little history: Married 5 years. Have 3 kids, two are wife's from previous marriage(i think of them as my own). My wife and I have always been very loving and honest with each other(until now). I'm rather shy and reserved; my wife is very outgoing and flirtatous. Which is good in one regard, because I would of never had the nerve to ask her out if she wasn't.
The problem: Wife's newly single friend started asking my wife to go out bar hoping with her about six months ago. They went out every weekend for about two months. I started geting tired of this and told her it had to end. That a married woman had no reason to be in the bars every weekend. She reluctantly agreed, and told me she would do anything for our marriage. Last month she came to me and told me her friend was very upset and needed a night out, and wanted my pemission to go out with her. It had been several months since she went out, so I said yes. Last week I got the cell phone bill. I saw on the bill the night she went out she called a male co-worker a number of times between 12am and 2am. She is friends with this co-worker, and I've met him and his wife on several occasions. When I asked her about these calls she lied to me. She told me it they were calls to someone else. When I told her I checked the number and knew who it was she just acted like it was no big deal. The next morning she asked if we could make love. This is strange because she had to go to work, and she never wants to do it before work because she doesn't like the way she feels all day long afterward. Then while she was at work she sent me an email telling me how much she loves me, and looks foward to growing old with me. That our marriage is the most important thing in her life, and she would never do anything to hurt it. Now I'm so confused. Why did she lie to me about the calls? Why did we make love that morning when we've never done that before? Why did she write me that email telling me she would never hurt our marriage? Could anyone offer me advice? I'm getting sick to my stomach with all the wondering. Thanks in advance.

wonderinghusband,

Most likey she has a fling of EA ... sorry, your gut feeling probably is correct.

What to do ? ... please learn MB as much as you can. Plan A while you are gathering more prove.

If she likes to go out for the sake of dancing and chatting ... you have to learn to go out with her. Try to guess her ENs.

-rh-

Any chance she lent her cell to her friend - and those were not actually her calls?

-AD

Time for some intel work. You need to confirm what your gut is telling you...and what is probably true. She is in some kind of affair. Better to find out as soon as spossible and expose as soon as possible before she gets in tto deep.

As you amass evidence, do not share with her. Just get your proof as you build your case. It is easy to refute one thing or another. But when you have a bunch of things, then she will see that you know. And then, you can move into the next phase.

So, start Plan Aing...and find a way to get the goods on them.

In His arms.

Redhat, Thanks for your reply. I agree that somethings not right and I should gather some proof. My problem is if she's having an affair at work how can I know? She has her own work phoneline and email. I don't think she'll leave any proof at home. I think the cell phone calls where a mistake she probably won't make again. Do you think I should confront her straight out with my fears? I started paln A this week.

Often a confused spouse in an EA will reach out sexually in unusual ways, to try to cement their feelings for you, or to try and see if they are attracted to you when they're having doubts.

Don't jump to any conclusions, but an EA is likely.

Think hard about this - has your relationship with her changed recently in ways that may make it vulnerable? Less time spent together, a focus on external things, tension over some new circumstance...

How have you been as a husband lately? Be honest with yourself.

Have you been giving? Have you thought about her emotional needs?

Do you have any doubts?

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">if she's having an affair at work how can I know?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">One way is to get a nice compact digital recorder in her car somewhere.
If it's an affair at work, her commute to/from and lunch hours are highly suspect conversation times.

GC, some things have changed. She seems to be absorbed with work. She works longer hours and when she comes home all she talks about is work. I've also found myself working reduced hours. Which is putting us in a fincial jam. I admit I hadn't attended to all of her EN. We seem so absorbed with the kids and money that it's hard to be romantic with one another.