I know I have a lot to smile about in my life but every frickin night I go to bed, I get all sad and cry myself to bed. And I continue to have trouble sleeping cuz I switch back and forth between the awesome memories I shared with WH to him with this recent high school graduate he met on a chatline (and now is conveniently moving out to San Diego from St Louis). I am trying to move forward, am getting out a lot, and even have a couple men I have made connections with BUT I can't help but to continue to feel sad about the loss of the man I fell in love with and watch helplessly spiral downhill. I know there is not much advice for me on this one...just need to suck it up and continue to plug forward. I just can't turn that light switch off from our marriage because I have too many positives that are lingering in my head (although the negatives he has engaged in now outweight these positives).

-K

Me: 28 yo FW
Him: 31 WH
Married: 3.5 years, divorce papers filed 12/21/04
His Affairs: fall 03-Jan 04, April 04-current. Current is with a 19 yo he met online when she exposed herself on a webcame...yuck.

Me too. Lots of nights are really long. I'm glad we have a place like MB where we can come complain, cry, and vent.

((((((((kjb)))))))))))

Nights are the worst aren't they??? Yuck!!!! If I manage to get a few hours of sleep I fricken dream about him.....it seems so real....I wake up and remember...Oh that's right, my husband doesn't want me anymore...fantastic.

Who filed hon, him or you??? Just wondering.

I believe I can forgive my WH just about anything.....I am moving to plan B in the not too distant future, that is going to be hard, not hearing his voice (I love his voice)....and with all the "exposure" I've done in the last week, he's not really letting me Plan A a whole lot.....I keep plugging away though, I'm a trooper like that.

I'm sorry you feel so bad, I've got more good memories than bad too.....and to me that means I have to keep trying, I love him with all my heart, and I just can't stop trying until I find my husband somewhere in this alien that is my WH.

-Caren

WH filed after 7 months of separation and minimal contact (other than my plan A for 5 months), he kept his 2nd affair a secret not only from me but from his friends and family this entire time. I did some PI work and discovered just how disgusting some of his behaviors have been. It is like I am finding myself in the middle of a Jerry Springer episode...unreal. I am a very simple person with simple needs and was living on cloud nine for so long...still not sure what happened to the man I fell in love with...don't think I ever will...ugh.

-K

I'm right there with ya'll! I have a hard time sleeping also. I think about and dream about all the times I shared with my WH and time we all spent as a family. I also think about things that he did that should have opened my eyes that he was having an affair. I just wish I could block all of those memories. It's just really hard to accept that you aren't wanted and loved. It makes you feel like you've been fooled and living a lie throughout your whole marriage. Yesterday was my 15th anniv.....and I feel like it was just a big lie. Sad!

I'm right there with ya'll! I have a hard time sleeping also. I think about and dream about all the times I shared with my WH and time we all spent as a family. I also think about things that he did that should have opened my eyes that he was having an affair. I just wish I could block all of those memories. It's just really hard to accept that you aren't wanted and loved. It makes you feel like you've been fooled and living a lie throughout your whole marriage. Yesterday was my 15th anniv.....and I feel like it was just a big lie. Sad!

Hey TR...can totally relate. I reflected back on all those typical "infidelity" warning signs that my WH displayed and hit myself. BUT...I try to focus on my innocence and maintain the trust I have because I don't want to go into my next relationshp with a man paranoid about everything. I know I will be gunshy but hell I want to be able to trust my future husband when he says he may be late coming home from work or trust that his new underwear is just to impress me!

I am all dressed up tonite and attending a party...feeling confident ( : I have made a connection with another guy my age, an elite runner, very professional, and hot to boot. He also is freshly out of a longterm relationshp so we both are gunshy which is good. I am not ready to get serious with anyone but it is sure nice to have a friendship right now. I am joining him and his coach to Europe in April for the Rotterdam Marathon...I will race the 10k. It will be my first trip to Europe...I am excited!!! I feel like a little girl at an amusement park for the first time. And believe me, I need to feel this way after my lonely nights spent crying these past couple weeks.

Tomorrow, I am giving a nutrition clinic to 400+ marathoners, seeing clients, and then going camping with a group in the desert (gotta love Cali). It is going to be a fun weekend!

Have a great weekend,

-K

Right with all of you. I hate nights. I''ve decided to give up sleep.

Hang in there T...pete. I wish I had magical solutions but I don't...still find myself crying periodically, especially at night. I suppose time heals...am just trying my best to focus on positive right now. My MIL told me to write one positive thing I have done each day to help lift my spirits and it really has help...I suggest that you try the same ( :

(((((TPETE)))))) Have a nice weekend,

-K

kb,

As the sun goes down , it seems the demons come out. Nighttime is the toughest.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am joining him and his coach to Europe in April for the Rotterdam Marathon...I will race the 10k. It will be my first trip to Europe...I am excited </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So happy to read you getting excited about something. Be careful not to get too excted about SOMEONE too soon <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hey Cymanca...yeah, it is nice to have a smile on my face. Just got back from a great party...had a blast. My mentality right now with respect to dating is really just to be out meeting new people, making new connections. This guy that I made a connection with and with whom I'll be joining in Europe in April knows about my situation as I do with his recent breakup with his longtime girlfriend. If a romantic relationship is not pursued, I am very happy being friends. I know I am gunshy so any guy I do go forward with will have to be patient with me.
Of all people, my dad warned me that some guys may be interested in providing "rebound" intimacy for me...this has never been my style as WH was the first man I have ever made love with. I have always believed that their has to be a special connection for me to take a relationship to that level (translation: no one night stands or meaningless sex). Again, I am just out having fun, getting dressed up and enjoying the attention I am getting from other men.

-K