Hi,

My son was born last Monday and he is the most beautiful baby in the world. Seriously......he is <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

For those of you that have fought for sole custody....what reasons did the judge give for granting or denying sole custody?

My lawyer says that adultery by itself is not enough to win sole custody. The fact that she is already living with this other guy might help my case. It all depends on the judge.

So far I've seen him 2 hours out of seven days, while this other guy has been with him for the whole time.

In the 20 years experience of my lawyer, he has never had the exact same case as mine, neither has my STBXW lawyer.

I just don't want to lose and have this prove to my STBXW warped mind that she is right.

GDF

Hey GDF,

It's been a while since we heard from you. What happened in the delivery room afterall????

Congratulations on your new baby boy! That is wonderful.I hope he is healthy.I have to say I am so sorry you have only seen him for 2 HOURS! That is appalling! Weren't you going to do a DNA test at some point in the future too? Can't remember that part.

O

<small>[ January 21, 2005, 11:31 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Hi OGirl,

Thanks for the congrats.

He was born by c-section so there was none of that delivery room drama that I was expecting, whew.

Although she didn't tell me the time of the operation, only the day. He was born at 11:30AM and I didn't see him until 2Pm.

I'm still debating the DNA test. He looks exactly like me. I have a newborn picture of me and you cannot tell the difference between us.

I know when he is older I'll be more in his life, but for now I don't like feeling like a visitor.

GDF

If you plan to pursue this legally is the DNA thing pretty much mandatory. I don't think you would be able to do much legally unless it was certain it was your child?

I'm no lawyer but makes sense to me?

Miker

Sole custody is going to be hard to get. You would have to prove her to be incompetent or unsafe by virtue of neglect, abuse, drugs, mental illness, etc.

I would not recommend that you get yourself in the mindset that anything less than sole custody is a "loss".

Shared custody of any ratio is a win.

Hi Miker,

Yeah, if I decide to go for sole custody then the DNA test is mandatory.

GDF

Hi again,

Wow,that is great that you didn't have to endure that awful situation in the delivery room we were all worried about last time.

As for the DNA,I really think you should consider it,especially if your WW is still going to allow OM to be hanging around like some vulture,spending time with YOUR son while leaving you out.YOU HAVE RIGHTS and right now,it sounds like you are being refused them.I would be PO'd if I only got to see my newborn son for 2 hours in one week.UNACCEPTABLE! I am getting mad just thinking about this for you.

So what is next for you? Lawyer interference or what does your WW plan on "allowing" with regards to your son?

O

Yeah, if I decide not to try for sole custody then the lawyers and us will get together to hammer out some sort of schedule.

My lawyer says as part of the divorce we can have something that says "no member of the opposite sex may sleep over with whoever has the baby". He says he does it all the time and it usually isn't a problem, but of course my situation is unique.

He says that judges really frown on single moms living with a guy. I figure at least her actions will be recorded and maybe it will help later down the line somehow.

If I left the visitation up to her I would only see him once a week.

GDF

OK, since I am in the process of going for sole custody, I might be able to give you some insight.

What state are you in?

If A, & her living with OM is the only thing, then push for shared custody, 50/50. since he is a newborn, I wouldn't expect you will get that at the moment.

If she has in any way endangered the baby, during pregnancy, or if OM has a past of violence, or abuse, you have a stronger point.

If you haven't already create & keep a log, DAILY of everything she does regarding the baby, that might NOT be in the babies best interest. also note everything YOU are doing that IS in the baby's "BEST INTEREST" (this is a key term you need to know & live.)

One thing your lawyer should look into is the alienation of you as the father figure in your son's life. By the constant exposure to OM, & the exclusion of you (2 hrs in 7 days) this is usurping your ability to establish a bond & relationship with your son, and could be causing him harm.

"Harm" is another legal term, that you will need to show is being done to the child (or the potential for harm). Again, EVERYTHING she does, or has recently done is fair game.

Maybe if she has a poor driving record, and speeds, or drives recklessly, or any DUI's.

Also is the living quarters of WW & OM adequate for the baby? Is your home superior in living space?

Are there siblings? If so where do they live?

What about OM's kids, do they live there as well?

I'm not a lawyer, but I could play one on T.V <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm not trying to make light of your situation, I KNOW the hell & fear of possibly losing your flesh & blood because of her A.

You & your family will be in my prayers.

In His Love,

Hosea

Hi Hosea,

I'm in Illinois.

I ran a criminal background check on the OM, nothing came up. I guess I could contact his ex-wife to see how he behaved with her.

My STBXW record is clean as well.

I haven't seen their living quarters. I think it's a one bedroom. I have a one bedroom too, so I don't think there is much to go on there.

There are no siblings and OM has no kids.

The alienation of me as the father figure is what worries me the most. It's what I've been trying in vain to get my STBXW to understand.

I know you aren't making light of my situation <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

Thanks for your prayers.

GDF

one more thought, is there a medical reason for the c - section delivery? is it possible it was to protect the baby from an STD?

I sure hope not, but like I said ANYTHING that can help is worth looking into.

with the facts you've stated so far, you should go for shared 50/50 custody, with the oposite sex sleepover rule. this might have 2 benefits. 1. create enough LBs for WW & OM the A might end. & 2. Obviously it is in best interest of moral upbringing of child.

In His Love,
Hosea

The reason for the c-section was that the baby was in the breech position.

I'll try for the 50/50 but my lawyer doesn't think I'll get it at this time because he is a newborn.

GDF

cc, I thought so, newborns need mam a lot, and since she isn't a danger to him, then you need to push for an incredibly favorable visitation schedule.

Also push for the overnight OM ruling. maybe even get it included that it is in the best interest of child that OM not be present during any visitation in WW's place of residence.

She lives in his apartment. He can't be ordered not to be there. A friend of hers lives in the same building so we've been meeting there so I can see the baby.

I found out today that STBXW doesn't even want to be there when I visit the baby. She is too uncomfortable, lol, she makes me laugh.

I will push for the overnight ruling.

GDF

Just realize that the ruling for the OM not to have overnights when the baby is there may be only temp at best. If in the future, they should marry then this ruling would no longer be in effect.

it's tough, but possible to get custody. I got custody of my two children, with my XW only getting two weekends a month and every other holiday. Not sure the way I did it would work for you, but if you want more info, let me know.
Michael

Hi Michael,

I would appreciate any info you can give me. You can email me at:

gdfmb1@gmail.com

Thanks
GDF

Actually, since you are still married, the child is considered yours whether it actually is or not. A judge will not grant a divorce if the woman is pregnant. I don't know that a DNA test would be manditory unless your wife's lawyer would ask for it. I mean, if you're not sure the child is yours, then I would go for DNA, but I honestly don't think that you'd have to.

Did you sign the papers for the birth certificate? I think that you either sign the BC or if unmarried sign a paternity affidavit (sp?) before you leave the hospital.

If you didn't sign the BC, you better find out if he did, or if he signed a paternity affidavit.

-Caren

Hi Caren,

Happy Birthday!!!!

I did sign the BC. I don't doubt that the baby is mine. But I'm pretty sure that if I decide to go for sole custody then a paternity test is ordered.

Hope you are enjoying your day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

GDF