I think I had a sign from above yesterday. I was cleaning my bedroom and H's "broken" cell phone started vibrating. This phone has been broken for a week and hasnt even been charged. I picked it up and pressed abutton to stop it and whose # came up on it? ow's under the name "my baby". I called wh up and said my baby huh? well after what are you talking about and how could that happen when that phones broken, he said what the hell arre you doing touching my stuff? why do you insist on hurting yourself? you must be sick in your head to keep on doing this to yourself. I started to cry. He said well, your on their too under my wife. i said oh thanks that makes me feel MUCH better. I told him I want him out of my life, obviously he must love her, or else he would have gotten rid of her. he said i hate you for being so controling, i said i hate you for being so weak and deceitful. I went to the laundry mat at 4:00 am to avoid him because he came flying home after i told him i'd put an RO out on him for threatening me. He didnt find me home and started calling my cell accusing me of having someone else and betraying him,(imagine that) and demanding to knoww where i was. I never answered so he woke up DD, and got her involved. He told her that i was probably at my boyfriends house and that i was lying about finding that on his cell.(i am so angry about him involving her, i've tried so hard to keep her out of this) Then he called me from a different # telling me to come back and take care of my dd, that i was a horrible mom, to leave my "man" and come take care of her. I said fine ,im at the laundry, drop her off. so he did and waited by 7-11 for us to go home. Then i couldnt help myself, i sent him a text saying why didnt you just tell me you loved her? what did i do that was so terrible that you have to do THIS to me?If you want to be with her so badly GO! he sends back i love you. it went on like this for about an hour more then we started yelling.He says i hate myself, im nothing but a failure and i hope that i die right now. he says he hates the fact that i dont sit still and let him fix things, that i keep being nosy and not minding my own business. he ended coming back to the house and he fell asleep. meantime, i couldnt sleep, i just layed there crying. i had some sort of breakdown earlier where i just couldnt stop being sick and just laid on my bathroom floor crying. I dont see a way out from this mess. I know im unhappy, but i cant seem to do anything about it.The thought of being without him scares me, and the thought of living the rest of my life like this makes me think whats the point in continuing? If he doesnt want to be with me why doesnt he just give his new R his all instead of dividing half to me and half to her? i dont understand why he wants to torture me like this. I posted our picture on the MB photo thread.

<small>[ January 21, 2005, 08:10 PM: Message edited by: shelly_3 ]</small>

isnt there anyone out there?whats the matter with me that i dont just give up already?

shelly,

You had what is known as another d/d. Not good. Hits hard doesn't it. I will post more but wanted you to see that I am reading your post.

L.

Shelly,

Need to talk? If so, e-mail me at: mborchid2@yahoo.com. I can send you my phone# or we can yahoo msgr.

I know how you feel. Weak, frustrated and mad.... don't know whether your want to hit him or bury him..... right? Angry that OW called on a phone that was suppose to be broken and then that name? What's he doing having a with a minor?

Gotta get you to a frame of mind where you can handle it and if you choose to come out swinging, you won't miss your target..... I mean that in an RB way..... ok? Nothing physical.... WS are the ones who like t/b physical. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Now take a few cleansing breathes and decide if you want to chat. BTW, BTDT and survived. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

L.

<small>[ January 21, 2005, 08:35 PM: Message edited by: shelly_3 ]</small>

Hey Shelley,

Having a rough night Huh? You need rest. You can think better in AM and you will have more clarity on the answers to your questions.

I'm sorry you are going through this. You know I found out my H was text messaging her and even calling her on the cellphone. We just got the itemized home phone bill last week - Yup he had started calling her from our phone (in late October). Well, I didn't see her # on the bills for the months of November and December (home or cell). I asked him why he had kept contact with her - he said b/c he didn't really know if I still wanted him and that he really didn't think I deserved this or that he deserved me. So yes, he kept her on the back burner (he so underestimated me again and more lies). But he followed his 2nd NC with actions (or in this case no actions by not calling her - and her # hasn't been on his cell and *OUR* text message count matches exactally).

My point I really had to decide if I wanted to be married to him any more. Just how much could I take? I had to know what was going to be best for me and my children and stick to it. So this time when I "requested" NC - I demanded it. I would not stay in our marriage if it was going to be the 3 of us. If he really loved me - he would have show me and first was that there be NC w/ OW. He's working his tail off to show me. I pray it continues and the OW is out of our life forever. But that's why NC is so important - it will help you to feel safe in you marriage and be able to work through the trust issues and even the times when a trigger like this happens. If he is working on fulfilling your EN's and you are working on fulfilling his - things like this will easier to work through. NC with OW.

Oh and if the phone is broken - why didn't it get thrown out????

Lynn

shelly,

I had written a post saying pretty much the same as Orchid and letting you know if you need someone to talk to...you could contact me.

I'm glad Orchid replied. I had to run off and get the baby.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you tonight. I know exactly where you are and that desperate feeling you can't shake. I wrapped myself around the toilet more than once from the anxiety in the first months.

Hang in there, Shelly.

Shelly,

Got it. My yahoo msgr is: l_m826. I am new at this stuff so please bear with me. I think I just sent you an invite. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Shelly,

Got your 1st msg. Sending you a response. If you don't see it, let me know via MB. I can post my phone # for a little while. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Shelly,

Got your 1st msg. Sending you a response. If you don't see it, let me know via MB. I can post my phone # for a little while. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Seems like it msgs from Yahoo to your site takes longer than most. That's the msg I just received from yahoo.

L.

Shelly,

If you are rebooting your machine, I will use that time to step into the kitchen and start dinner. I will come back in a few minutes. ok?

L.

okay. i dont know what is wrong with this computer its driving me nuts too.

<small>[ January 21, 2005, 08:57 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

got it thanks. how long do you need to start dinner?

havent been able to call. H wont quit calling the house.

Awww Shelly hon I'm so sorry.

He's being an @ss, there's no excuse for him talking to you that way.....and I also understand being so sick to my stomach, I threw up all the time.

Mine was more slow torture, not so quick like yours, it took me 5 months to finally get proof, and we've been separated for 5 months. I finally got my proof a week ago today was my D-day, but I've been posting here for a while.

I know your pain, only to add insult to injury my husband flat denied anything was going on until I had their sex talk RECORDED....then he finally decided he couldn't lie anymore, and I was a b*tch, and I was crazy...etc, etc.

I was suicidal at one point, I'm not over this mentally by a long shot. I'm on a leave of absence from work until Feb 21, hopefully I can get myself together by then.

Anyway, you are in the right place......these people know their stuff.....they'll help you. The pain gets better I PROMISE!!! When people first told me that I thought "No, I'm different...this will never be better" But I was wrong...time may not heal all wounds, but it definitely makes them not quite as raw, you'll find your strength....and Orchid has wonderful advice, she's got a lot of experience in that department.

We're here for you hon!

-Caren
the_pieces_of_my_broken_heart@yahoo.com

a brief update: Shelly's computer is acting up.... must sense WS is nearby. LOL!! She is ok though. We talked for a while. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Hi Shelly --

Sorry you're going through this. It's awful, I know. No advice now, except to echo that you need to try hard to get some rest so the anxiety goes down and you can think clearly.

I know it's hard -- but try. It's important to take care of yourself! Breathe, girl, breathe!

Hang in there --
Shellybird

A heartfelt TY to you Orchid. I feel a little better, although i still feel a little sick. DD called and said wh keeps calling my cell phone and leaving me text messages. dont know what to do. he just came home, to see why i didnt pick up either the house or cell phone, i said i was sleeping. he left after he made certain i was in the house and not out. theres a blizzard going on right now and i gotta pick up dd from a friends bday party. Thanks you guys for getting me thru my little crisis.

Shelly,

Here's a consolation of sorts.... the more he spends his time and energy wondering where you are.... the less time he spends on the OW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.