Well, the last year card is on top of the TV, the house is so clean you could eat off the stupid floor, I don't know if my DD19 found the cat poop yet, but she's still looking. (I think it's somewhere in the girl's bedroom, maybe under the bed....but they stuffed things under there the last time they cleaned their room...so she has to get that stuff put away first before she can locate it.

Gonna jump in the shower so I'm not all funky when he gets here to pick up DD10, and get ready to go out to dinner with my friend.

I pray things go well with him tonight....I'm a nervous wreck, and I don't want to start the crying crap again as soon as I see him...UGH

I'll try to restrain myself.

-Caren

<small>[ January 22, 2005, 04:48 PM: Message edited by: CarenMc ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So would that also be manipulative of me, to have a card that he gave me last year telling me how much he loved me out because it's my birthday?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Manipulative, maybe... but it's your birthday, definitely!

Happy B'day, Caren <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Happy Birthday to you Caren. Sorry you are hurting right now.

I had some very rough special days too. After my FWW was committed to move out so she could be with her BF, I threw away 20 years of saved birthday and christmas cards since none of them had any meaning to me anymore.

I don't know the why's but somehow hang in there. Try and find away to make yourself happy. Good Luck.

TooSoon

Happy Birthday Caren!!!!

Things will get better, they always do!

Keep smiling.

Happy birthday Caren! I'm glad you have such pleasant memories of birthdays past.

When I think about my WH and my birthday, I remember how bad he is at celebrating birthdays. He's never given me a party not even on the "special" birthdays. A couple years ago, he gave me a pair of earrings almost exactly like a pair he'd given me previously. When I pointed it out and showed him another pair I liked, the earrings disappeared and new ones never reappeared.

Last year, I gave my own birthday party. I think it's the best way to go. I sent an email out to anybody I liked and thought was fun to show up at a nearby restaurant/bar/dance club and help celebrate. Perhaps I wasn't the best hostess because it was pay as you go. But I got a party, had a special day and didn't feel cheated like I would of if I hadn't planned anything. WH did nothing except approve of the idea and show up.

Gosh, maybe memories like this make me seem non-MB-ish.

Well, waiting for my friend to arrive, all dressed and ready. When my WH picked up DD10, he stayed for like 20 minutes for no apparent reason. I asked him if he had to warm the car up long (I meant when he left work) I didn't know the car was running in the driveway to warm up, so he said "Why, are you trying to get rid of me?" I was like "What? I asked you how long it took your car to warm up...you know, when you left work." He said "Oh, I didn't warm it up too much, it's running now." So he sat here for a while, and DD10 was watching the cartoon network, and I said "So, are you going to spend some time with me after I come back from dinner, or is this my time?" He was laughing and said "Nope this is it" I said "Well this is crap then, I don't want Cartoon time" He said "Well what kind of time do you want?" I said "Ummmmm something a little more 'adult'" I said "Can I have some of THAT time?" He said "I dunno....can ya?" I said "I dunno....can I?" He was smiling and said "Hmmmm we'll see", so that means yes....can I get a HELL YEAH...lol.

Okay, well I'll post how it went tommorrow, and I'll try to forego putting the tape recorder under the bed for later ammo......but I may do it anyway..LMAO

Thanks all,

-Caren

I can totally realate to you hon -

HAPPY BIRTHDAY (from a total stranger).

I discovered my wife's affair on my birthday.

Wish it could be differenbt for you. At least you get some love from us here...

David

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAREN !!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Caren, the I'm sorry I'm f---ing OW but happy birthday anyway section... I'm sorry you have been down but that made me laugh out loud!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to have to check out that Hallmark shop someday it must be a doozy.

Hope your evening went well. Best of luck and always remember IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!!

You haven't been down that aisle at Hallmark Mr.E??? Huh....maybe it's just in my Hallmark LMAO

Okay....so he came to pick up DD10 last night so I could go out to dinner....had the last year b-day card from him on the TV.....had the candle he bought for DD10 to give me burning....I had just gotten out of the shower and conveniently my clothes were still drying...so I had on a camisole and boy cut lace undies on....my DD10 said "MOMMY!!!! Daddy's here" I was still upstairs, so she comes up and says "MOMMY!!! DADDY'S HERE!" I said Okay.....and she said "Ummm are you going to put some clothes on?" I said "They're in the dryer." She said "Are you at least going to put some pants on?!" And she went in my dresser and brought me a pair of shorts LMAO....so to settle her down I put them on.

Then I came downstairs laughing, I said "Yeah DD10 made me put these shorts on....apparently you can't see my undies"

He laughed.

So we were sitting watching cartoons with DD10, and I said "How long did it take your car to warm up?" (I meant when he left work)

He said "WHY? Are you trying to get rid of me?"

I said "Ummmm no, I meant when you left work"

He said "Oh....I didn't warm it up long, it's warming up in the driveway now."

So we're still watching cartoons....and I said "So, are you coming back here after I get back, or is THIS my time?" (I'd asked him earlier if he could spend some time with me)

He laughed and said "Noooo this is your time"

I said "Hmmmm I didn't really want 'cartoon time'."

He said "Hmmmm what kind of 'time' did you want?"

I said "Something a little more 'adult'."

I said "Can I have THAT kind of time"

He said "I dunno.....can ya?"

I said "I dunno...can I?"

He laughed and said "Hmmmm well see."

So I went out to dinner......called him when I got back, he came back over, we watched TV for a while. He made DD10 spaghetti at his house for dinner. Then we went to bed, had SF....it was good as always....I actually was trying to tape record it for later ammo, but screwed it up...the recorder was on pause....so my highly vocal/animated act was sorta wasted...LMAO....I was gonna send it with the undies to the OW possibly on Valentines Day...LMAO (I'm awful, I know). I was making all kinds of references to it being my B-day (because I thought I was recording), as I'm sure he told her it was and not to call because he'd have DD10 all night. But he stayed here....car sitting out in my driveway all night.....I would have already driven by if I was her....but apparently she didn't, or at least I don't know if she did....maybe she's too stupid to know where I live.

Anyway......everything went fine last night, and this morning he did his normal stand offish thing, apparently in the light of day....or after he's satisfied in the SF department, he grows a conscience....so he was acting like he felt all guilty....don't know if he feels like he's cheating on her now (Newsflash...you can't cheat WITH your wife) or if we're back to the "I don't want to lead you on" crap with me....he used to say that EVERYTIME after we had SF....and I'm like "Get over yourself....you're not leading me on, I'm your wife"

So per the tape she seems pretty naggy.....on the 60 minute tape she spent about 45 minutes nagging him about "Don't jump when she says jump" About his credit, about his cell phone, about how we never should have been married, about the dentist....etc etc. I NEVER nag....never have. I know the score, I know he's having an affair, and I am still being accepting/loving....she's gonna nag. I don't ask any questions, so he doesn't have to lie to me........Guess who's getting lied to now? Ha Ha....how do you like that b*tchlips? He's gonna have to lie if he's spending any time with me, and he's not very good at it, she'll start catching on.

It's only been a week since exposure....and I've already got him back in the sack, WOW....she must be awesome in bed...NOT.

So anyway, not to sound too cocky, but I feel a little more confident, I'll plan A the crap out of him until after the taxes....then, oops....you're gonna have to go without the "Caren Love" until you dump the slut.

How you like them apples?!

-Caren

Oh forgot to mention he noticed the last year birthday card sitting on the TV....I saw him looking at it, he looked confused that there was a card on my TV that said "MY WIFE....MY LOVE", he said "What's that?" I said "It's a birthday card" He said "Ummm where did it come from?" I said "Go read it" So he had DD10 bring it over to him and he read it....all of it, saw it was a card from him and said "Why do you have stuff like this out?" I said "Because it's my birthday" LOL

<small>[ January 23, 2005, 10:20 AM: Message edited by: CarenMc ]</small>

Going to my Mom's for my Bday lunch (Yesterday was B-day).....see you folks in a few hours.

-Caren

Caren,

Wow. I just read this whole thread, and I'm sorry for all the pain you're obviously going through. I just wanted to ask you, is it worth going through all of these games to get your H back? Is he really worth it? I can understand your wanting to get back at the OW by "getting him back in the sack" and all, but, really, is it worth it? Did you stop and wonder about STD's, since he's been with this OW and then with you? I hope so.

Just sounds like a lot of games to get a WS back. Hope you know what you're doing.

CC

Buttercup-

Yes actually it is worth it to me, my family is worth anything. And I'm not doing this all just to spite anyone....I'm doing it because SF is one of most WH's top 3 EN's, the side effect of him having to lie to OW is just a bonus. Alienating her is just going to make my Plan B work that much better, that much faster.

The tape recorder idea, may have been a bit extreme, but extreme circumstances call for extreme action.

Do I worry about STD's? Sure I do...but I was having SF with him BEFORE I knew for a certainty that he was having a PA, so if he's got something....I already have it....not that this is good, and I will be tested at my next Doctor's appt, which are pretty frequent by the way, considering all the meds I'm on.

I know most women are 'turned off' to SF at the prospect their husband is screwing around on them, I feel quite the opposite....I'm trying to save my marriage, regain my life....isn't that what we're all here to do? What exactly would not having SF with my WH accomplish while in Plan A When I'd say it's real, real close to number 1 on his list. I have known him for 12 years, and although I know he wouldn't be into filling out the EN, I filled it out to the best of my ability, given the descriptions, and I think SF, Domestic Support and probably Admiration are his top 3......I can do all those things, no problem at all.

I am have plans to go to plan B in a few short weeks, so I am plan Aing like it's going out of style before that day hits......you know, the whole fond memory/better choice thing. It also makes me feel a little better that he doesn't want to have absolutely nothing to do with me.....I feel better when I know I have a plan, and the plan seems to be working as far as I can tell.

I love my husband and my family with all my heart, and they are worth any amount of 'game playing' I have to do.

It's just a game, greedy all the way.....it's just a game, let yourself slip away....it's such a shame, I heard somebody say....it's just a game, and all I can do......is play.
The poets and the pipers have got their motives...you've got yours no doubt, and so the game continues....that's what it's all about.(80's group-Triumph)

-Caren

Caren,

I didn't mean to belittle your trying to win your H back. Family is very important, and I understand your wanting him back. It just seems extreme to play games, and to try to get him back in bed with you. It sounds like you're hoping the OW finds out that he's still getting SF from you, and it'll push her out of the picture. Is that the way you'd want him to come back, or would you rather have him CHOOSE to come back to you? If he were a decent, caring person, he'd be thinking it over right now, correct?

CC

I love that part about giving OW the recording of your love making with WH ... if you got that...i betcha OW will fall apart!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I have done and gone through everything you have...hoping it would make OW miserable.

I think Buttercup is talking from a different level of thinking....you are not there yet.

When you have reach this level...you will not bother about WH anymore because it is hurtful to care.

I pray and hope your plan works.

You do what you need to do. This is what you need to do to know in your heart that you have done everything needed to save your marriage.

Reading some of your plans remind me a lot of what i have done.

Hi Zizzy and thanks:

Yeah, I'm a tad into the whole revenge thing. I'm hellbent to get him into bed at least one more time in the next week or two so I can record it....I will so keep that in my arsenal. I know that would shred her.

Don't get me wrong, I'm doing EVERYTHING I can in the Plan A department, but my personality is such that I want a stash of evidence to destroy her @ss with....I can't stop myself. I'm keeping it all to myself, and I realize it's not all her fault, but hells bells c'mon, I'm not a homewrecker, never would be, and it sucks to have to deal with one....I am fully aware it takes 2 to homewreck, but I love one of the stupid, stupid people....(It's not her btw...lol).

So anyway......no one in the 'real world'...and by that I just mean not online, understands any of this, I am not really going to sit and try to explain the entire MB concept to everyone I know...it's just way too much to explain, My Mom thought I was going to let her read the SAA book, but I don't know it's my lifeline, I don't wanna let her have it, what if I need it LOL (Yeah, I promise I don't know it forwards and backwards)...I don't know why I couldn't let her read it.....I just didn't wanna give it up, maybe I should, then I could enlist her to explain it to everyone else on the damn planet.

It would be nice if I had any support, but alas....everyone is a big hypocrite and has to tell me what they'd do if it were them, when it's not really them is it? And they have no clue. It's all well and good when your marriage is good to give advice of how you'd kick your spouse to the curb if they cheated on you...but would you? Would you really? I think that's something you can't comment on if you haven't experienced it....I HAVE commented on it the exact same way, and I've had it thrown in my face by the person that I said it to. They said "You told me...blah blah" and so now I'm getting my own words back to slap me in the face, I'm like...yeah, had no clue what I was talking about, sorry.

Officially done giving advice on things I don't know about......I'm in the "listening" and not advising department from here on out...well, on things I don't have any clue what I'd do and basing my advice on what I THINK I'd do in a given situation. I would definitely suggest MB to anyone who was having marital difficulty....actually I have, to a guy that's wife is doing way worse than my WH has ever done to me.....and he's like Screw her, I could never trust her again, yadda yadda yadda...I'm like, are ya sure? Don't you love her? Doesn't someone you love deserve at least a 2nd chance? Falls on deaf ears, so....okay I'm over it.

*Sigh* Well I'm in rambling phase again, so I guess I'll wrap 'er up until next reply.

-Caren

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Buttercup:CC:
<strong> Caren,

Is that the way you'd want him to come back, or would you rather have him CHOOSE to come back to you? If he were a decent, caring person, he'd be thinking it over right now, correct?

CC </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is what my WW actually asked me during one of our R talks, when I told her that I was wanting to keep her & the OM apart....

It caused me to reflect on it, and I ended up agreeing with her. I don't want her back because the OM ditches her, I want her to come back and choose me over him. Anything less is meaning-less. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Right now, though, I am not sure I would even take her back.

TM