This weekend we're supposed to be covered in snow, so far way short of prediction. WH has spent the last week on his sister's couch, but comes over daily to see kids, sometimes eat, and gather clothes (Plan Aing my butt off, I want him back in the house!!). Today I had an awesome idea: I took our digital camera and took some random pictures in the house and added them to an e-mail...

"I miss the delicious meals you once cooked", picture of empty kitchen.

"I miss watching movies or tv near or with you", picture of empty sofa.

"I miss hearing you sing while on AOL", picture of laptop with empty seat.

"I miss sleeping with you", picture of empty bed.

"I miss watching you shower and our morning bathroom time together", picture of empty shower.

"I miss (edited for decency), picture of our collection of intimacy tools and videos.

"I wish you were snowed in here", picture of our back deck as the snow is falling.

"Stay safe today. I miss you and love you so very much"

Then he replied, "That was the cutest thing anyone has ever sent me. Sorry its like this right now. I miss that stuff too but I need to be able to give myself to you the right way."

I haven't pushed to see if A is completely over. He works with OW and thru her AIM I can see she's still there, although based on some snooping I believe her 2 weeks notice has been given (fingers crossed).

I am thrilled that he wasn't pissed that I was "pushing". Although still fog induced, I was pleasantly surprised by the reply.

Plan A is for your and about you. How the WS reacts is secondary. Concentrate on how plan A is improving you.

The digital pictures and captions were a great idea. But it really isn't plan A.

BS needs to give the WS, the space for them to hang or end the A. It is a futile experience (having an A). Most WS' know it. The hold the A has on them however, makes it difficult to release.

BS' need t/b patient. In the meantime, the BS can pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. These 2 qualities will help the BS do a good plan A.

L.

Darn! I wasn't expecting to get my balloon popped so quickly!!

I think what you did was really cute! I think Orchid meant well with what she wrote, but she also wanted you to realize that Plan A does not mean turning yourself into a door matt and I think that is what she was trying to say. Plan A does not mean doing things for your H it is doing things for yourself while not lovebusting. It means improveing yourself while not alienateing your spouse.

I think if it made you happy and as an added bonus your H liked it that is okay. But I am a bad person to advise.

Stay strong.

It actually did make me happy. When he left, he said "I love you", which he's still said all along, but he just had a much softer and less awkward face on when he sent it. For the longest time, he felt things seemed "forced" with me, and this one he accepted.

I know what Orchid was saying, but I always have grabbed the smallest crumb and analyzed it to death.

Thanks to all advice given!!

-Christine

KMEJ speaks well. Thanks, KMEJ. Maybe I am getting too old to post here. I just hate when a BS gets their hopes to high and then heads for a crash. Better be safe than sorry, I say..... oops, those old says are just coming out like..... like.... I'm old too. LOL!!!

Ok MommaC, I certainly want you t/b happy. I hope your H stays on the straight and narrow. Just be prepared for the worst though.

Long time ago I wrote something similar to another BS whose Ws came back and promised her the world. She was estatic but something in her post put on red flashing warning lights. I wrote to her that while I was happy, it w/b wise if she tempered it a bit in case it wasn't genuine. I stated that false recoveries are often made after great promises.

Oooh boy.... that poster yelled at me. I went in and removed my post (only done that a couple of times - I think). Less than 2 weeks later, her WS turned on her with a vengence. She came back to MB in tears. It was good that others were there to help. I was sad to see her hurt so but because he gave him back his full H status without the gradual earning back of her trust, the Xws turned back into a WS and it was back to before square 1.

It hurts me deeply to see that happen to any BS and family. Yet sometimes when we don't take the steps to be cautious, the BS often sets themselves up to fail because the WS already has a plan and it isn't plan A or plan Family..... it is plan 4OP.

L.

I read this and just wanted to pop in with my own two cents <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Everyone here wishes for and hopes the best for every marriage.

Orchid has posted to me many, many times over the last 5 months, as have many others, when I had my hopes up by something WH did or said.

The only thing I can say is they have been right. I was so eager to see my WH act like my H for even a moment that I would put aside my own caution to embrace it fully. I'd say I wasn't getting my hopes up, but deep in my heart I pictured THIS as the turning point I had waited for.

More often than not, that made the fall a little harder.

Try to not over analyze. I know it's not an easy thing to stop, but I find myself thinking the same things now that I've been going through this for so long.

It's easier to recognize the pattern now and I see how everyone saw what was happening with me.

Everyone hopes the best, but cautions you to be ready for less.

Don't expect it, but definately prepare for it.

WS's turn on a dime and leave us BS's wondering what the heck happened.