I checked out I'ville last evening (first time I ever ventured there) and I was disappointed. Oh, screw it --- the fact is, I was pretty much disgusted.

I was about to write some details about why, but I don't think it'd go over very well.

(edited for typo)

<small>[ January 23, 2005, 07:14 PM: Message edited by: tqt ]</small>

Pep, just some examples but you have to read through the fluff too is pages 73, 77 and 91

FF- Thanks. I looked way back, and all I could find was food talk, and pet talk. We'll have to take the suggestions here and have more MB talk.

Edited to remove any possibility of offending anyone. Don't want to be guilty responding to DJs with DJs of my own.

My apologies!

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 11:00 AM: Message edited by: fightingalone-again ]</small>

I really have no prob with fun and fluff....it's always existed on the board and it always will. Folks form friendships and alliances....nothing wrong with that as long as the people involved have good boundaries and recognize the risk of going offboard with communication (of the opposite sex of course). I have personally been shocked in my years at MB to have discovered how easy it is to get involved in an EA on this site. It has definitely occurred....and there is no doubt that it was the result of off-board communication.

The only potential that I see with I'ville that sets it apart a little rather than just fun threads that come and go...is that it sort of "carves" out a little piece of the board specifically for that purpose...in that sense...the purpose of I'ville is a different purpose than the board in general. I think the reason that this board was set without PMs or real chat capability, or people are discouraged from communicating off board with the other gender... is just to create another level of safeguards for folks...many who are already vulnerable. And the thing that gives MB it's uniqueness is that it's purpose IS to discuss marriages rather than fun.

I do think there is room for fun on MB...and I'm sure some marriage building does go on in I'ville. It's also encouraging to see so many couples there. I'm certainly NOT implying anything is going on between people on I'ville or that I'ville is bad...but "intimacy" is more than physical and it worries me more that so many folks dismiss the potential for more intimacy when they begin talking everday to a very limited group of posters. It creates depth in the relationships with others....as someone mentioned....you become interested in the day to life of each other (that IS intimacy).

Someone else mentioned Shirley Glass...and that's what came to my mind too. Anytime you start describing something with the word "just"_________ ... you are talking about a situation that has reached a level of intimacy worth at least thinking about...even if the final conclusion is "yes...I have good boundaries in place". That word "just" has popped up enough in the descriptions of I'ville to give me pause to think is all.

I'ville creates a littl more intimacy....off board communication creates a little more. I am not interested in banning I'ville...but I think those things need to said and I hope y'all will hear them in the spirit of "marriage building" that they are given. If you're one of the participants on I'ville who has good safeguards in place for you marriage (and I would HIGHLY recommend part of that being not sharing emails with the opposite sex) then enjoy your time there. If you are someone who has allowed the greater intimacy there to lower your boundaries a bit....re-examine that.

Oh....and don't kill the messenger okay?

Wow, I came upon idiotville about two weeks ago, I had seen the post yet never went in. When I did I had one of the first good laughs I had had in a long time.

I know that some people on that thread are good friends if you want to call it that, I don't know. All I do know is that I have had some support and a few laughs and right now I could use a laugh or two.

When I need some real help, I don't post on idiotville, I come to GQ2 as it is more serious, I look at idiotville as a bit of an escape from life right now.

Starfish -

Point taken. While we are on this interesting subject, what do you think about the MB picture thread? I don't want to name names, but there are some smokin hot men there. (Sorry Pep, I'm at it again)

I enjoy seeing everyone, but even this thread could be used for bad purposes.

Interesting read.
I think this all comes down to a matter of opinion.

Yes..MB can be quite serious, especially out on GQII... GQII...isn't my forum of "residency" but I make my rounds to see if there's something I can offer.

But the fact is... infidelity brought us all here. MB is serious business. For fun, laughs, intimacy, my H and I don't do that on the internet for obvious reasons. Number 1... that's exactly how he ended up in an A in the first place. Number 2... we don't have that much time together alone a week, so if I need fun and laughs... I not looking for it here, I'm going to look beside me.

I don't go to I'ville. Don't even know what the thread consists of, never read any of it. I just remember one poster referring another there for a bit of life on the lighter side.

I hope no one gets their feathers all ruffled about this stuff. I understand that everyone has their own opinion, and better yet..is entitled to it.

I did however found the fact that I'ville has it's "own rules" rather ironic. Those rules, I wouldn't have known if I hadn't been reading this thread.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by alank:
<strong>

When I need some real help, I don't post on idiotville, I come to GQ2 as it is more serious, I look at idiotville as a bit of an escape from life right now. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That might be part of a potential problem for some people that are on the idiot thread. A few have admitted to being able to "hide" there.

That thread could actually prevent them from getting the help that they need. I do think that the original thread went 450 pages...and over 6,400 posts! It cannot be looked at because it is too big and the site cannot support it I guess.

Now, how many of those 6,400 + posts were actually about Marriagebuilding.

IF it's being used as a shelter from the real work involved in marriagebuilding, then it is not productive.

IMHO
committed

Hi believer,

Wow! Trying to raise even more contoversy huh?? LOL. I once posted my picture on one of the MB photo threads...and then didn't feel comfortable and removed it. I really like the pictures of couples and families. I'm hoping one day to get a recent one with my family that I feel better about posting.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> Starfish -

Point taken. While we are on this interesting subject, what do you think about the MB picture thread? I don't want to name names, but there are some smokin hot men there. (Sorry Pep, I'm at it again)

I enjoy seeing everyone, but even this thread could be used for bad purposes. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Butting In...

believer,

EN had a photo album too...and yes, it was used for a bad purpose. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

committed

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> BLech! It feels tainted </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, it does. That's what I felt about this entire MB forum after reading some of the posts in the I'ville thread. Tainted.

I chose not to get into details, because I don't want to name names. I feel comfortable with that decision.

MB Photo Thread

Dang,

I originally posted a couple pic and family pic. But STBX objected, I guess I can understand. I pulled them and added a few of me.

Funny thing is when I looked it was a bit more sorrowful. It was like looking at pictures of people slain in a horrific event. I looked at all those people who have had thier lives ripped from them. I never looked at it as a pool of prospective candidates.

But I am a man, and do notice attractive ladies. I'm going to pull my pic ....

I hope I was one of the hot ones .... LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

TJ


Oh yeah,

Fighting aloneagain ... to TQT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Perhaps there is an underlying reason that you need to judge. Is control an issue with you? Is I'ville a trigger for you?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Totally uncalled for. Disrespectful Judgement Completely.


.

<small>[ January 23, 2005, 07:33 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Oh no! And I just sent my pic to Faith to post.

Now I am rethinking that.

I love the idea of not knowing what others look like. Getting their "true" essense from their posts and not their pics. But I wanted to be part of the MB family so I sent it.

Now I am rethinking it. I didn't send my DD's pic because her dad didn't want me to. I still discuss stuff like that with him.

Oh Believer, you little **** you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 05:31 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

I am definitely aware of getting too personal with people here and it could happen in I'ville as it could happen in any of the forums here. The potential is there.

Some of us can't look to the person beside us for laughs and good times because that person simply isn't there. I know that I feel safer seeking out some good feelings here and at other sites I visit than I do in the real world. Maybe it's because I've been chatting for over 10 years now and I'm aware of many of the dangers...I dunno. Some of us don't have good friends IRL. Even though we (me) are trying to cultivate them, it takes time. I know that everyone here understands what I'm going through...and I come here for help, but it's also nice to share fluffy stuff with people who know the rest of your story. To me, I'ville is a nice place for that. I don't think a separate thread in the GQII forum about my turtle dying is appropriate, but it fit quite nicely into I'ville.

I have never felt overly 2X4'd in GQII so I cannot address that. I have felt ignored, though, and it's tough to be ignored when you really want help . Sometimes you have to post in a desperate manner to get good input and that's just not my style. Is it perceived? I don't believe so. I had to bump my Plan B Letter post something like 10 times before I got more than two responses to it. And that's not the only thread of mine that has been like that. Now, do I whine about that? No! Because there is too much pain here to begin with and the last thing anyone here needs is for me to get all needy on them.

I do feel it's never a bad thing to give folks warning about what *could* happen. But those warnings should go to the whole board, not just I'ville.

Well this has all made me think I'll take a step back.

Talking about the photo thread. I remember when Tree first put her picture there.

There were suddenly a flurry of posts from men telling her how gorgeous and beautiful and hot she was.

I tell you what, that made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable.

Anyway, I'm sorry people get so hot under the collar - on I'ville we know what each other's senses of humour are. If it upsets you, like some of the out and out FWS bashing threads upset me - don't go there.

Jen

Aislynn,

I don't know how I missed your posts out on the main thread. But I guess I must have, because I don't remember your story.

Perhaps you posted at a time when everyone was preocupied with another thread, or when not too many who felt confidant to help were logged in.

When I don't get answers to my posts I usually just forget them and let them fall. Part of my own lack of confidence I suppose. Hey, atleast you bump your 10 times! That says alot about you.

I know how it is about making friends. I live in a very rural, high alcoholic, barfly kind of place. And I don't like the bars, so this forum as given me a chance to be around other people. A chance that is not easily come by where I live. As Ky would say, BFE. LOL

Nice talking to you Aislynn. Hope I got your name right, I have a little trouble with it for some reason. Never sure how to spell it.

weaver

weaver..psstttt...this is maddyk..lol

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by starz:
You might look on the pages about a week ago when I asked Bob Pure for advice on my Plan A - he has done a stellar job of Plan A'ing and I wanted his advice, as I felt I might be doing some things not well enough. We talked for a while about Plan A suggestions and how he had implemented them. Several pages, off and on, in fact.

You can find on almost any page people looking for support on one subject or another. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Isn't it likely that Bob's stellar Plan A advice will get lost or misplaced in the I'Ville shuffle?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Apparently Bob has left the boards as a result of all this.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hold the phone here. Bob did not walk away from his marriage despite a pretty nasty-behaving WW right after D-Day. Are you saying Bob could stand THAT heat, but a minor arguement on MB put him on his heels? I don't believe it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What a loss to all of us who could benefit from his Plan A advice.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Exactly my point... "all of us" ... not just those who read through I'Ville and pick out snippets of MB gems.

Who coached Bob through his early Plan A Starz? It was not I'Ville.... I can tell you that.

Pep

You have some very good points, Pep. I don't believe Bob left because of this thread either. He left to focus on his now recovering M and take a break from the pain on MB in general. Iville for me has been a break from the hurt and pain that I brought upon my H and my M. At times just to have people that know my sitch say it's ok, we like you anyway. However, my best learning has come from this GQ11 board, IR board and P/C board.
Again, I also reiterate how encouraging for me it is to see the husband/wife teams on Iville too.

Love ya, Pep!