Ok-Wh just left after spending last night here. We had a huge snowstorm here and I came home from work early-the roads were AWFUL. I offered to WH to stay, but he said he would rather go and so he left-only to return 10 minutes later b/c he had slid into a tree at the end of the road. He was ok-a little sore, but fine. He was very aggaravated w/ himself-almost in tears, saying how he can't do anything right, how he screws everything up. I told him it was ok-things happen and he could sleep here and have the den to watch tv and do whatever. So he did and I stayed in the other room-we talked a bit, but nothing major. I went to bed and he slept on the couch.

I got up this morning and decided not to work due to the bad weather-H was already up w/ the kids. I asked him if he was hungry and I made us some breakfast. Then we pretty much just layed around and watched Tv and he played video games a little bit. Then, his dad came and picked him up b/c the vehicle is not drivable-and his other car is at his house.

Anyway-no fighting, no R talk-nothing. The odd thing is that I didn't really feel anything either-I was anxious for him to go although we didn't fight it was still uncomfortable. I was looking forward to being just me and the kids again-so I could get back to normalcy. I don't know if I am loosing feelings or what-is this normal? I mean it went ok and everything-but it just felt strained-like we were strangers. That is the saddest thing-to realize that at one time this was the person you wanted to spend every waking moment w/ and now you can't even touch them....sigh-all parts of separation and divorce I guess.

Anyway-I am proud of myself for dealing w/ everything so well.....it just leaves a wierd feeling to realize I don't really need (or maybe want?) him anymore.

S&T,

Well you provided a safe place for your WS. Maybe if he can remember that through the fog and snowstorm <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> he will start to build the desire to come home (in all apsects). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I think you done good 2. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

take care,
L.

I think the alienation thing must be run of the mill....as they are 'alien', right? I get the same thing from my WH, he alternates hot and cold with me....I just roll with it.

You did a good job, and not feeling anything was probably a protective mechanism...you know you can only get hurt so much before those protective barriers start going up, better than being an emotional wreck, eh?

I love my WH with all my heart, but when he's in cold mode, I can't wait for him to get the hell out either....I start getting antsy and unsure of what to say, so I'd rather he not see me like that. After I regain my composure, I'm alright again.

It is weird though, because only months ago, I spent every off-work waking moment with him....and now I feel like I'm fricken dating my own husband.....it's weird, and yet, I believe I will win...why? Because I'm better than the OW (I have morals), I'm family, and I'm the most qualified person for the job.

I get sidetracked sometimes, the pain overwhelms me........but eventually subsides and I get back to 'the plan'. How long can I do it? I don't know, I have found reserves of stamina I never knew I had, I keep finding another reason to get up every morning...I haven't beaten the OW senseless (Or beaten some sense into her) which is what I really want to do.

TreeReich told me the other day "We'll get through this one way or another" and that I do believe. I believe I will be a winner no matter what the outcome....but I also believe the cards are stacked against the affair, and God is on my side, those are pretty favorable odds <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-Caren

I totally agree w/ God being on our sides-he doesn't condone what our WS are doing and he isn't going to make the road easy for them. When my WH slid into the tree I was who he called-once I started thinking about that I thought it was interesting....he called ME-not the OW (although she does live in another town), not his mom ro dad, not a friend, but ME. Maybe he knew I would let him stay here-but so would any of those people.

I have a very nice feeling of contentment and peace about today-it feels nice not to be blowing up and crying and screaming at everything-just "letting go and letting GOD" is so much better. I don't know what the future holds but I DO know that I will get through it and I will be happy again!

By the way, Caren, I was separated in Sept too-so we have the same timeline kinda.

Thanks for the replies!

SATM

S&T,

Way to go... You handeled that very well, I would have a hard time in that sitch.

alank-thanks. It wasn't really that hard-but WH and I have a pretty good relationship MOST of the time. Sometimes we let our tempers og, but usually we can be ok together.

WH called a few minutes ago and thanked me for letting him stay. He apologized again for the vehicle. I asked him what he was up to and he said he was gonna go get him something to eat and some cold medicine and go home-said he didn't really feel like talking to or being around anyone today. I asked him why and he said "don't really know-just the modd I am in. I am aggravated, frusterated, upset.....and everything else" I told him ok and to have a good night. I took that to mean OW wasn't w/ him-but who knows-he could always be blowing smoke up my you know what!

S-A-TM

I hate the smoke uo the ***.

At times my WW and I have been great with each other and at times we fight like cats and dogs.

She is much like you're H, not sure at times what is up or down.

I wish you the best.