Thiscomment is in the area of other postings that I have just read. First I want to say I feel very ashamed that I starting chatting online with women (or so they say)that are not my wife. I started out by posting a profile saying that i was divorced. When I started this I had made up my mind that I was just going to talk with them online, never meet them and never talk too them on the phone. Too this day, I have never met or talked with anyone except on the computer. But I have hurt my wife very much and she is going to divorce me over it. She has known for over a year that i was doing it, and never confronted me about it. So I know she is deeply deeply hurt.

She paid someone to hijack my computer so she would know where I was going on the computer and what I was saying. Much of it was sexual role playing. Still wrong.

Anyway, just a comment for any of the husbands out there and I suppose wives also. I love my wife dearly, but I am going to lose her this month permanently.
So my point is: If you have not done it. DONT, and if you are; STOP. If you want to keep your wife.

God Bless you all, and stay faithful.

Anyway, just a comment for any of the husbands out there and I suppose wives also. I love my wife dearly, but I am going to lose her this month permanently.
So my point is: If you have not done it. DONT, and if you are; STOP. If you want to keep your wife.

God Bless you all, and stay faithful.


I wish my WH would have found this site and been able to read your post. Good luck to you.

I forgave my husband for this very thing. It wasn't easy mind you. We had alot of issues to work out.

What other issues are involve between you and your wife? Are there other factors that make her determined to end the marriage?

I'm sorry mark.

Chalk us up as another victim...innocent and one point, but eventually...it turned into a full blown A. My h wasn't even what you would call a serial chatter...just got bored one night..and bang...a few months later..became emotionally attached to a chat buddy.

I'm sorry you're suffering the loss of your marriage, not everyone can forgive. Some choose not to. Who knows...some day...I may not.

But your words of wisdom....and experience...may just help someone...so thanks for sharing them.

You asked if there were other issues. Yes many that put our marriage on a track to fail from the beginning.

We were married in May 1999, and she and her son moved into my house with me and my dau. Three weeks after moving-in, I came home from work to find her packing up and moving back to her apartment, because her son didnt think he liked living in my house. That was in Jun 99. In July 99 she said that he had adjusted and would try to live in my house again. He never really tried to adjust and became a problem between my wife and I. Well in January 2000, she moved out and bought her own home after 15 minutes from my house and she is still iving in that house with her son who is now 22 years old.

So, if you do the math, we have been married for 5+ years and only lived together 6 months of that time.

Also, she has been married 6 times not counting me, and i have been married twice.

So while we were married I lived in my house with a lot of free time on my hands, and I started to fill my time on the internet and got myself into the chat rooms. Not her fault; I am a grown man, but that is what happened.

Not to really meet anyone, just to fill my time and not hurt anyone, I thought.

But as I said there is hurt and a lot. I love my wife very very much, and this is a lesson I will never forget.

Thanks for your response to me. All of the other responses have been so very helpful.

God Bless

You asked if there were other issues. Yes many that put our marriage on a track to fail from the beginning.

We were married in May 1999, and she and her son moved into my house with me and my dau. Three weeks after moving-in, I came home from work to find her packing up and moving back to her apartment, because her son didnt think he liked living in my house. That was in Jun 99. In July 99 she said that he had adjusted and would try to live in my house again. He never really tried to adjust and became a problem between my wife and I. Well in January 2000, she moved out and bought her own home after 15 minutes from my house and she is still iving in that house with her son who is now 22 years old.

So, if you do the math, we have been married for 5+ years and only lived together 6 months of that time.

Also, she has been married 6 times not counting me, and i have been married twice.

So while we were married I lived in my house with a lot of free time on my hands, and I started to fill my time on the internet and got myself into the chat rooms. Not her fault; I am a grown man, but that is what happened.

Not to really meet anyone, just to fill my time and not hurt anyone, I thought.

But as I said there is hurt and a lot. I love my wife very very much, and this is a lesson I will never forget.

Thanks for your response to me. All of the other responses have been so very helpful.

God Bless

Mark,

Are you and your w in MC? I read your thread quickly (I have a bad headache). I wanted to add that this is how my A started. I chatted with the OP, it became more intense, it became an EA, and then we met and it was a PA that went on (and off) for nearly 3 years. So, YES, be careful, even online!

I hope that you and your W are back on the right track. Good luck to you!

CC

That seems to me to be a really non-traditional style of marriage. I'm at a bit of a loss actually. It doesn't seem to me that she was ever fully engaged in the marriage anyway.

If there is any hope of getting her to consider marriage counseling, then I think I definately would try that first. If not then you should consider individual counseling for yourself.

If you've read the Basic Concepts section here, I think you'll see your emotional needs have not been being met. This doesn't excuse you to go and have them met elsewhere, but I think in IC you may find out why you couldn't confront your wife about it.

I just don't see how you could each meet the other's EN's while living apart in a permanent arrangement.

Ladyjane14. Thank you for responding. You have said what i think was "part" of my problem. When she moved out the last time with her son, we agreed that when both our children were on thier own and independent, we would move back together in one home that we would buy together. Well my daughter is about to leave home on her own, but her son is not and she is not actively encouraging him to move, from what i can see. So I think you are probably right.

Doesn't make my hurt go away in losing her, although I know I am mostly to blame.

Thanks again for your remarks.

I'm not certain how much MarriageBuilding you're going to be able to accomplish without her input. If this is her seventh marriage, I think that illustrates a marked lack of perseveance on her part.

In my own situation, I had met with a lawyer before I even confronted my husband. Misconduct on the internet can be very SHOCKING. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> It looked pretty bad, and I can't even begin to describe how hurt I was.

The only thing that really saved us, I believe, is that I could sympathize with him. He was hurting more than I was even, and he had been hurting for a very long time. It was when I was able to see this that I became sympathetic to what he had been going through, and how abandoned in our marriage he had felt.

If I had followed my knee-jerk reaction, there is no doubt in my mind that we would be divorced today.

I'm not sure what you could do at this point with your wife being so adament, so uninvolved in the marriage to begin with, and frankly so cold that she could sit on that information for a year without confronting you with it. It seems a huge emotional detachment to me.

I think you would probably be best served to concentrate on you right now. Why did you allow a situation to continue that was not conducive to a close and intimate relationship with your wife? Why did you allow her to abandon you to the degree in which you weren't even living in the same home? How did it make you feel that you were obviously not her number one priority, even after her child was grown? You are the only one who can answer those questions, because they're about you.

I'm not saying that you should make excuses for your misconduct. You were making choices. But I think you'll feel a little better if you use your hindsight to figure out WHY you made the choices that you made. It'll give you confidence to not make the same mistakes in the future.

And I DO think that your wife has made some really huge marital mistakes, even though that doesn't necessarily mitigate yours. You were always free to speak up, right?

Perhaps if she sees that you are truly desirous of making positive changes in your life, she may be more open to discussion. Perhaps not. Time will tell.

In the meantime, I hope you'll make a study of the Basic Concepts section. I think the Three Stages of Mind in Marriage might be of benefit to you just now in gaining a greater understanding of your situation.