we have MC tomorrow. i am starting to wonder if i still love/ want my wife back. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> it has been 14 weeks since DD and NC. i have been trying to meet all her en's and avoiding lb's, but she is not trying to meet any of mine. how long do i wait?

should i tell her in counseling that i am questioning my love for her?
i think this is just a phase for me, because i do still love her. i am just realizing that i can't save this M by myself.
any advice out there?
thanks,
arjdad

This may sound very strange, but don't focus on whether you love her or she loves you.

Focus on whether you are willing to show care for her and whether she is willing to show care for you. In a radio show in December, Harley said something like "Love is a willingness to change."

Something was broken in your M that there was an A. It can be fixed if both of you are willing to change your behavior to meet each other's needs, and the feeling of love will come of the commitment to care, which is to change behavior to meet each other's needs.

Cherished

You are hurting...and your right, you can't do it alone. BUT...she is going to marriage counseling with you? That is an attempt on her part. If even a small one. Do tell all of your feelings tomorrow or during your many sessions of MC. Do it when it's appropriate...in response to a question or comment. MC is the best place to go about those feelings. The MC will actually help explain out loud to you both why you feel the way you do. At least then you feel better knowing it's normal to feel the way you do and it's also good for your wife to hear it. 14 weeks is a long time...but, it's not long enough if you still love your wife. It's not long enough if your having to ask us.

From the outside looking in...Although she appears to be in withdrawl right now...the NC on her part is a validation to me that she is trying. Otherwise if she didn't care about you or your M...she would have left or she would still be having contact. Maybe she is afraid, or she doesn't know where to start? WS go through a stage/phase of self punishment. Maybe she is experiencing guilt?

I am happy to hear that she is going to MC with you. There she will at least be given the chance and steps to start moving in the right direction.

Try as hard as you can to give MC and the tools you are going to be given there a little time to work. Because she has given you nothing for so long, your going to feel like it's a HUGE step when she tries even just a little bit.

Hang in there a little bit longer. Look at tomorrow and your first session of MC as the first day of the rest of your life/marriage. A new day to a very hurtful past.

I hope this post in some way gives you the smallest bit of hope to look forward to tomorrow in a brighter light.

HAVE FAITH...GOD WILL RESTORE YOUR MARRIAGE.
But...it's on God's time. He doesn't rush things...but He will restore your marriage. If you pray...pray that he restores your marriage. That He helps open and soften your wifes heart...to your needs. To open her eyes so that she can see what a wonderful person you are and to help her see the beautiful potential your marriage can have.

Hang in there,
Loving

How did MC go?