As of today it is over. Makes me mad because I dismissed the divorce proceedings this last Friday. Today I found another secret email. She pretty much told me she was keeping OM and another guy she dated early last year hanging out there if we did not make it.

She has done only minimul stuff to make our marriage a healthy one.

She has been in and out of contact with OM since the beginning.

Her telling him that he is the love of her life kinda broke it for me.

He is more of a sap and wimp that me so that thing won't last long once they get together. Or maybe it will. I dunno.

All I know is that I deserve the same passion that I give and I have not ever gotten from EL. Not once did she exchange 'dirty' emails with me but she was glad to have them from me. Not once did she ever send me a love poem or message but she gets them from me.

This just sux that the women I wanted to live my life with is so wishy-washy and dis-loyal.

All of this after I felt like things were starting to go the right direction for us. We were exercising together, negotiating a real budget together, having lunch together almost every day. Holding eachother while watching a movie or as we slept. Just curling a foot around my leg as we worked on the computer together. Dying our hair together.

She even tried to through some playful affection my way when I was upset, we wrested lightly a few times and she laughed, she would appologize with a kiss after yelling at me.

I just don't know anything but that I deserve better from my partner.

Just weird, she did not even get upset that I have not worn my wedding ring for the last week.

I really thought that our friendship was getting better and had a future.

Funny thing is that she told our MC that honestly was her #1 EN as it is mine.

Damn free and secret email accounts.

Sorry to hear about the big D.

Quite often a devastation like this takes you to a wonderful situation and in a couple of years you may be a very happy man.

IMO, there is no point in trying if the WW is not cooperative. The best thing you can do is to set her free and not seek her company so you can get thru withdrawal in good shape.

Good Luck!

I am very sorry Greergan, I really felt that EL was coming along. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I felt like she was also. Maybe I just did not give her enough time, but a new secret email address kinda pushed me over the edge.

I deserve to be treated better than this.

Thanks for listening.

Hello my name is greergan and I am an Eeyorelover addict.

Why is the after math of the affair so hard?
Why do I melt when I look at her?
Why can't she let OM go completely?
Why do I want to divorce?
Why do I want to hold her all the time?
Why do I want this marriage to work?
Why does she insist on a secret life?
Why does she get so upset to think I will check up on her?
Why is she so ready to throw the towel in instead of fight for us?
Why does she calm down when I don't get angry?
Why does she calm down when I turn the fighting into play time?
Why does she miss my arms around her at night when we are on opposite ends of the bed?
Why does she curl her foot around my leg when we sit next to each other?

Why won't she show some positive passion?

Anyone? Anyone at all? Don't let her scare you off.

Anyone?

Not with a ten foot pole LOL.

Mr. Meek is gone now.

Mrs. greergan will either get the picture or leave me due to being overly annoyed with me. I am done putting up with her closure issues so she is gunna have to make a choice.

It is to darn expensive to re-start divorce proceedings and after looking at the budget the only way I could do it is to ask for a loan from my dad and at this point I would not feel comfortable doing that.

Maybe we should all meet in Chicago and line up our WS's and get a tommy gun. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Dang dude you took me back to a place I was not all that long ago... for a minute there I actually thought I shouldn't be on this board anymore... the truth is I have no idea what to say to you other than we're out here listening and caring....

Hang in there and always remember that IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!!!!!!

Yes everyday is a great day now that the AD's have kicked in for the last 4-6 weeks. Puts a whole new spin on being cheated on.

We have quite the power play going on currently and I am being pressed hard to consider realy and truely when the line will be crossed.

At the moment I am finding the cake eater and her fog rather amusing. I should really be taking notes to show her down the road.

She pretty much told me tonight that I was going to stay with her and that she was not going to give up her OMs. "Can't we just be friends" and "He really is just a friend" and "His wife said he could be friends with me" blah blah blah

She is so funny. I really am finding it amusing, even though I thought I saw a moment of clarity on her part at lunch time today. Her face looked drained of blood, don't remember what she said but it was something along the lines of "I have to stop talking to them?" and I of course said yes.

greergan, I talked to EL when she first came here and I told her if she wants to chase rainbows and fantasy, just fine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

The fog is awe inspiring it's so laughable and pathetic. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

When the fog lifts it's also awe inspiring, in a good way.

"Just friends" my a**. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Jen

Yeah my W and OM were just friends too (aren't they all). Her Fog was so thick at one point she said, you are such a great father I don't want to keep the kids from you let's just agree in the D settlement to buy houses next door to each other and then you can see the kids whenever you want. Are freaking kidding me.

I brought that up once after the Fog had cleared and she looked so embarressed that I've never brought it up again.

Hi Greer,

I saw your post a few days ago and was really bummed out to see what had happened, I couldn't bring myself to post then. A false recovery after your WW was posting here? I didn't even think that was possible, obviously neither did you. I feel for you man, but it seems like your handling it fairly well.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She pretty much told me tonight that I was going to stay with her and that she was not going to give up her OMs. "Can't we just be friends" and "He really is just a friend" and "His wife said he could be friends with me" blah blah blah </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Talk about wacked out... that is about the dumbest thing I've heard in a while, then I read:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> you are such a great father I don't want to keep the kids from you let's just agree in the D settlement to buy houses next door to each other and then you can see the kids whenever you want. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">GARBAGE!!! Man I hate to see the IQ of people in the fog drop 100 points, it's almost unbelieveable!

Stay strong Greer, I'm praying for you.

Native

Hiya Native, I was so bummed when I read what was going on with you that I could not say anything that sounded good enough in my head.

I do feel for you and your kids very much.

Mr. E. I got the same thing pretty much. Early on in the after math of D-Day I got the same thing. "I respect you more than any other man I have met", "I would like to live next door to you", "I won't make it hard for you to see your daughter".

Now a days it really does seem like we are making personal headway together. We act together like we never have, ever in the past. We are both making better efforts to resolve differences and to not let hard feelings stick around as long as they used to. She apologizes more often and has started to talk out our issues and seems interested in why I do or say something that she looks on as alien behavior.

She tells me she knows she is being silly for talking to her "friends" and in the next breathe tells me I am not her father and that I will not tell her what to do and why can't she have her friends and me to.

She has no clue why she must break contact with her "friends"....

That really sux because I gave up my favorite online game because it interfered with our marriage so badly and because I was in the process of developing a friendship into an EA. I went dark on 6-8 good friends as well as my brother, sister and BIL. I still talk to my siblings offline but they are 250 miles away so some online fun together was great.

After I sacrifice so much for her why can't I get some reciprocation?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This message is really for Native 00. He replied to my H post which I read and found very interesting.

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She pretty much told me tonight that I was going to stay with her and that she was not going to give up her OMs. "Can't we just be friends" and "He really is just a friend" and "His wife said he could be friends with me" blah blah blah
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reply from Native 00
Talk about wacked out... that is about the dumbest thing I've heard in a while.

I am sure my H appreciates the time you took to reply but I would like to say to you What the ****. You don't know me and you surely have no idea how I feel or what is going on in my head so don't even ******* begin to act like you do. How can you judge me when it sounds like you should be focusing more on your own situation rather than passing judgement on other folks. Sounds to me like you have alot going on in your "world" right now as well. I would like to say I hope you come out well and I for one will not judge you............

Again thanks for taking the time out of your situation to pass judgement on others.. [Roll Eyes] Have a good day </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OMG women. I think you may have actually flipped your lid finally.

Native made a judgement about what you SAID not who you are or what is in your head.

Guess what baby, he is not the only one that thinks you insisting on continued contact with OPs is wacked. If we took a survey I would guess that over 90% of all participants would agree. I know I sure as he!! do.

I come here when I am feeling down about my life with you. These people that you berate are people that help me see things differently. They help me see myself better, they help me see you better, they help me have faith that our marriage can work if only I hold on just a little longer.

I've been given no advice other than to stay strong, you have only received the advice you have asked for and that you already knew. These people have only the best of wishes for you, me and our children.

During the wost of recent times the people here are what keep me coming back to you and telling you that I want to be married to you.

I will end this by requesting that you stop saying things that scare people away from me. No one here has said anything about our situation that I did not already think or know. Some times a person just likes to have confirmation so that the voices inside their head go away.

Thank you for your time in this matter ma'am.

eeyorelover...

lets be honest if you are telling your husband that you want to be friends with your OM....and be married...

that is wacked...

that may not be want you want to hear...
you may not like it..
but it is true.....
and it is a illogical sentiment...to believe one can be friends with OP and repair a marriage...
that's called cake eating..
it doesn't work.
the continued contact keeps your emotions in continued flux...and takes from the marriage...what belongs to the marriage....and gives to a third party...
that's not a judgement...it's fact...

it is an act of continual cruelity....and disrespect no matter how you present it or slice it...

native passed no disrepectful judgements ....he spoke the truth based on what your husband said you have decided.....

if you have decided differently...
wonderful...for no contact is the only correct path to fixing any of this...

if not..i pray you change your mind...and see the value in honoring your husband..

ARK

Some body get me a fog removale machine please.
And/or maybe some anti-WW pills for myself to boot.

omg, just talked to OMW. Found out details that I did not know about. Makes me want to throw up.

Will someone please answer the following questions for EL's benifit. Please make responses very short. Thanks.

1) What happens if EL puts as much into our marriage as I have been?


2) What happens if EL remains in contact with OM?

Too bad that a foggy WS cannot be made to experience what the BS experiences for it would truly open their eyes as to how ludicrous the idea of continued contact with the OP really is. It take that back, foggy WS DO sometimes experience the cruelty the BS experiences when the OP dumps him/her for another and expresses a desire to continue having contact with the WS as 'friends'. What goes around eventually does indeed come around. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

TMCM

Greergan, short and to the point. There's no way EL can say I don't know where she's at because this is coming from someone who was so foggy it's a wonder I could breathe through the smog.

1) What happens if EL puts as much into our marriage as I have been?

You have every chance of a happy, joy filled, loving marriage.

2) What happens if EL remains in contact with OM?

Zip chance of the marriage surviving. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> NC is the secret, it's the most important step of all.

Ok, maybe not so short now. LOL. Did you read my recent posts on how I had accidental contact with the OM after a year? It hurt my H, but I told him immediately he got home from work, we discussed it and I used some of the 2x4s I got here to ask if that was how he was feeling.

I've been so busy rebuilding my m that I ended up giving OM a lecture on MB principles.

Jen

KiwiJ, I did no see your recent posts but I plan on finding them...I am very interested in hearing what happened.

Well I am understanding EL more and more. I told her yesterday that I was going to call OMW. She almost acted like she wanted me to talk to OMW. I did not call yesterday but something prompted me to do so today.

OMW pretty much told me what I already knew from the secret email account the other day.

So I told EL today that I had talked to OMW, boy she was mad. It is almost like EL wants to get caught. I dunno!

So she ranted during lunch and I was very calm and to the point. We ended the conversation by my telling her that she has a one weekend pass. She call leave our home this weekend with the kids and I will not fight it.

If she stays and decides to leave me in the future then I will fight with everything I can muster to keep my daughter living in the same city as me. Her response was that maybe she should just take her 2 and leave our daughter with me.

So I dropped her off at her office, kissed her a couple of times and put her wedding ring back on her finger. She only minimaly resisted the kisses and did not resist her ring being placed back in place but did notice that mine was not in place, I reminded her that I made it her job to put it where she wants it.

Back storry on the ring sitch...I took mine off beginning of last week when I noticed a huge change in her behavior (yes, she had started having major contact again)...she did not even notice that my ring was gone until 3 days later when I brought it to her attention.

Well she was still wearing 4 of the rings I gave her...engagement, wedding and 2 anniverssary rings. Add mine and she was wearing 5 rings that represent our marriage. After a couple of days she took them all off and has either worn other rings or none at all.

The last couple of days I have been wearing her ring on my little finger. Today I put on the ring she got me when I got her engagement ring; call it an egagement ring I guess (It is enscribed with Irish Gaelic..
Gra Dilseacht Cairdeas /love loyalty friendship).

Yes, rings do mean alot to me and I *think* they mean alot to her.

So really, I hope she is either gone this weekend or she puts my wedding ring back on my finger. At this point I do not care which. Whatever she decides I will roll with and create my future based on love, understanding, honesty and honesty and honesty and honesty.

<small>[ January 28, 2005, 02:19 PM: Message edited by: greergan ]</small>

Greergan, she is in such a fog she probably thinks that if you call OMW that OMW will kick OM out and she (EL) will be free to step in.

That rarely, rarely ever happens.

I don't think you should give her any opportunities to leave ie the weekend pass. It won't solve anything, she'll still be just as confused. The fact she said that she is prepared to leave your D with you shows how deep the fog is.

Greer, you have a long, very rocky road ahead of you. I don't envy you and can only hope and pray that something will happen to lift EL's fog.

Jen