She has the pass, but thanks for the opinion. I really do appreciate it. I know what I am risking in giving the one time pass.

Honestly the risk is worth the pass. Let's cut to the chase as they say.

Point is that me taking a stand for my happiness is more important than waiting meekly on the side lines, my happiness is more important than feeling like a door mat until she decides to cut me free for being a wimp.

My wife is my friend, I love her dearly I will stay with here beyond this life time if she chooses to be fully committed to me. I can put up with all of her poor behaviors (except contact with men that I do not approve of) as long as she is willing to correct them. I can put up with all of my own bad behaviors as long as I am willing to correct them.

I have repeatedly forgiven her. I now claim my right to forgivness from her.

I repent of my poor behaviors and vow to correct them starting almost 4 months ago and lasting a life time.

I deserve no less!

I deserve for at least discussions with my wife about how we get started on getting over bitterness and trust issues, starting with a plan for NC.

Everyone has their limits and mine have been reached. I am walking with no saftey net, even so I know that I will land on my feet no matter what happens.

Added: KiwiJ., careful replying to my posts. EL, as you probably have seen, has a tendancy to shoot at people that respond on my threads.

<small>[ January 28, 2005, 04:03 PM: Message edited by: husbandOfEeyorelover ]</small>

Greer, I told someone a little while ago I didn't have a very thick skin but I've developed one. Especially when it comes to foggy WW's.

If I can get her out here shooting and justifying, so be it. I've been there and I've heard it all before and said it all myself.

If things get too heated I can always run and hide in Idiotville. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Jen

<small>[ January 28, 2005, 02:39 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ. ]</small>

KiwiJ.,

I looked for a while but I could not find much of your encounter with the past.

Could you post a link or a recap here pls?

Thanks

Added: And thanks for putting yourself out there as an example and guide. You and the other FWS's that post here rock!

<small>[ January 28, 2005, 03:37 PM: Message edited by: husbandOfEeyorelover ]</small>

I've bumped it. It's called Looking for input from my MB friends.

I tried to link it but I haven't quite mastered that little process yet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Jen

Here is the link.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=035731;p=1

Thanks!

I have been looking at the different discussions where tags such as WW, BS etc have come up.

I have decided as of this moment to refer to EL as my wife or my x-wife. I will never refer to her as a cheater or WW again.

By the same token I shed myself of the victim role and tag of BS. I will be known as husbandOfEeyorelover or XhusbandOfEeyorelover.

HOEL, (I can't type out the whole thing in full every time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) did the post about my meeting with OM shed any light?

We've coined a new term round here which is R(recovered)WW which is one of the nicest terms there is and I'm SO proud to be one.

Jen

HOEL,

I just finished reading the full thread, somehow I missed the post from your EL where she shot down my post. Kind of seems like she came down from Mt. Olympus to put the fear of "Foggy WS's" on me.

See that's exactly what I'm talking about. She can't even understand the difference between a personal attack (or judgement against her whatever you want to call it), and a comment on the words that are spewing from her mouth. I really feel for you if your still living in the house with her, it must be rough. However I can see the strength you have gained recently and it is shining through brother!!! Keep it up b/c you are going to be a tough son-of-a-gun when you come out the other side.

Native

Yes, when EL gets in defensive mode she starts to sound like a sailor.

Mostly she is just sound. Very little bite to her. I am learning now what I should have learned along time ago...how to defuse her. I will no longer be an avoider. I will no longer censor myself.

What ya see is what ya get, and ya get all of it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well she just told me she is leaving...we shall see.

Well she updated to say that she is leaving at the end of the school year.

Also talked to OM and OMW last night/today. He told her he was done with her. She said I am done with you first, how about that?

There is so much crap flying around I don't know who to belive.

More painful revalations from OMW, I've no idea if they are true or not.

Between yesterday and today I think I should just leave women alone and become a celibate monk.

Some things I guy just doesn't want to hear, ya know?

So really, I would like some comments on the following please. I hope EL/and I have not scared everyone away besides native and KiwiJ.

If the stuff OMW tells me is true, why does my brain try to overlook it?

Why do I still melt when I see or think about my wife?

Why do I wake up ant tell her that I love her so much knowing that some kind of drama will happen during the day?

I really feel like I have married the one that I want to be with and that I am just waiting for her to get back and replace this alien that sleeps next to me.

I even think that she forgets some of the lies she tells OM, because when I confront her she either is quite (I know it is true) or she acts truly like she never said it. This makes it hard to know if she did or not becuase I really think she forgets most of the lies she tells him.

As for me, I really don't think she lies to me. I do know that she is often not open or is secretive.

Am I sick for sticking around? Feels like real love to me, but I suppose I could still be sick too???

sheesh, and she calls me a big baby. LOL

Sunday night and everyone that was in the house last week is still here.

EL and I went out last night, not the best outing but not the worst either.

Phone/email confrontations with OM and OMW. Has been a very eventful weekend.

Now I am ready to share some wings with EL, work out a little and then watch some TV together.

Not sure wich part of the yo-yo we are on. <shrug> Would be nice to level out and have some better times together now.

Cheers.

<small>[ January 30, 2005, 09:55 PM: Message edited by: husbandOfEeyorelover ]</small>

I am loosing it again. Slowly, but still...

I have begun to be disrespectful to EL. After thinking about some of the things that have come out of my mouth I feel like an alien.

I would never, ever have said or even thought like I have been lately. I would not tolerate my son or any other man talking like I have been lately.

Now I have an uncontrollable desire to call OM and OM's house constantly.

My patience and my disrespectul words are trading places; back and forth like a tennis match.

El, I can not understand why you think I will or even should look the other way. I don't care that you don't want to be with him. There is no way that I will stay in the M and be disrespected by continued contact.

As far as I am concerned your affair is still on.

How do you think I feel when we are having a crisis and you call him crying? AT least you are blocking your phone number out going. That much at least I am grateful for.

Please just stop carrying on with him and work with *me* to rebuild our lives together.

As I said yesterday I have fallen from the sky, my wings broken. Things fell from my mouth that would cause me to have words with anyone around me that I heard utter them.

This disrespectufl display is very sickening to me. I would never have said these things in my past. I can hardly believe they came out of my present mouth.

Anyway I participated in a "whos is bigger than whoms" war with OM...Was ended when OMW called me and tore me a knew one (To bad for her for believing her cheating husband).

This was OM which I found out after I sent EL a email saying that I feel 2nd best and unwanted while she continues contact....an hour later she had sent an ecard....I said something about it when we got home and she spoke to me in a manner that basically said I should go and screw myself.

Later on she spewed stuff like 'I care less than you think I do'.

Another tift over the fact that she flipps out every time I get sick and actually rest to be able to recover.

And heavan forbid an adult that shows anything other than perfect happiness at all times. Adults are not alowed to be sad or mad or depressed.

So I took my ring off again, took back my cool key to my heart and went to bed.

So this would be the yo part of the yo yo I guess.

Today I am finding it rather easy to just not care about her anymore. I don't know if this is permanant or not, but I am amazed about it.

I made a choice to love her
I made a choice to not lover her

I am amazed at how easy these choices can be some times.

I've spent just about 4 months in a hard core Plan A. I thought I did pretty well, I know that it was not perfect. I guess I tried so hard that I forgot to write the Plan B that could have gotten me away from her before I came out her day how easy it was to not care.

At the moment there seems to be nothing in me to try anymore. I guess there could be but I just don't feel it right now.

Today is the day before tomorrow. We will never now how the story works out until tomorrow.

I am starting to really feel like one sick puppy.

Avoided almost all contact with EL from Monday evening until almost time to wake up this morning.

I just could not take it anymore so I got close to her and put my arm around her till it was time to get out of bed.

Both wearing rings again today.

I just wish I could truly see some light in some direction and a clearer path to get there.

Well got a tentative promise for a 3 month NC plan at lunch today.

That is good, right?

no NC promise yet, only promise not to call OM.

I think I have figured out what the problem has been. It has been her sincere desire to keep a long time friend, even after admiting that what happened was a mistake. My insistance on NC has mad her so mad and she has lashed out when we have talked about it. Or the conversation has left her so frustrated that it only took a small thing from me to send her over the edge.

I think the spite that she showed on postings probably comes from the fact that people here have told her that the best course of action is what I have been asking for. Stuff that at the time she did not want to do. She has changed cell number, but called anonymously (at least OM can not call her cell).

Anyway, she stopped the conversation when I pressed my point. I think she understands to some degree, at least I think she understands that I am gone with out NC promise.

My EL even spoke of goals for us and our family to start getting healthier. This is a first. I can never remember her speaking as she spoke today.

Needless to say I am excited that she let down her walls a little and am *very* excited that she seems to be more willing to work together to stay together.

I know I must be paitent
I know I must be firm with myself and her about my bounderies
I know I must be understanding of hers

I don't know what all is going on inside her head, but I do know she thinks about things more than she lets on. Then when she is ready she brain dumps all kinds of information on me that makes me see her in a different more positive light. I am able to have true empathy for her sitch.

I guess I really should stop freaking out now when we have blow outs and just see where they lead to. I think I saw some mention of something similar on one of Bob Pure's threads...some thing like it is painful but still neccessary to discuss the hard bits to help in healing.

At just under 4 months since D-Day I am feeling more like things will be ok for us.

<small>[ February 03, 2005, 08:57 PM: Message edited by: greergan ]</small>

Today we are playing hooky together...another first (might be 2nd time).

I am liking Bob's current thread because his/squid's sitch sounds so familiar.

Thanks to him and Orchid and RIF for that lively conversation. Helps be keep my taker where he needs to be.

Cheers.

greergan, I just saw U want my email. I'll delete this off once you acknowledge it.

* gone !*
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ February 05, 2005, 02:33 AM: Message edited by: b0b pure* ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Well got a tentative promise for a 3 month NC plan at lunch today.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, not good. A 3 month NC is a 3 month I'll wait it out clause.

I see that even that's been taken back now. I am the NC queen (apart from my accidental recent slip up which proved to be a good thing in the end because it gave me the chance to say to myself "WHAT WAS I THINKING???). I didn't believe NC would work - I thought I'd never let the OM go from my thoughts and my life but IT WORKS. It's so powerful.

Jen