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Why am I hanging on ????????
#1266233 01/25/05 01:37 AM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 68
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starting over in CO Offline OP
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starting over in CO
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My H had an A with a coworker that resulted in a child. I have tried my best to stand behind him and he refuses to allow me to have any kind of emotion about this situation. I have known for 7 months and he is fine with me if I am happy but if I get sad he gets mad. We see the OC every weekend and sometimes it just really eats at me and he wants me to get over it and like I told him this is easier said than done. So why do I insist that things can work I don't get it why can't I break this bad pattern. In my heart I know that I am headed right for a huge disappointment when I need him and he turns his back again but I just keep praying that he will see the light before it is to late please help me am I crazy or what??
Re: Why am I hanging on ????????
#1266234 01/24/05 02:12 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
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greergan Offline
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greergan
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You are not crazy because if you are then I am and I can't afford to be labled that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Re: Why am I hanging on ????????
#1266235 01/24/05 07:50 PM
Joined: Mar 2004
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Shul Offline
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> ... he refuses to allow me to have any kind of emotion about this situation... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He is naturally trying to avoid dealing with the consequences of his unfaithfulness, but no one has the right to control your feelings.

This needs pastoral counseling; to get your feelings heard (in a safe environment), and for there to be forgiveness- so that you can both heal.

If he wants you to 'get over it', tell him that you were thinking about it and that you agree, and that the quickest way to do that is to get help from a counselor.
Re: Why am I hanging on ????????
#1266236 01/24/05 08:01 PM
Joined: Sep 2004
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KMEJ Offline
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I agree with the fact that if you get upset he has to deal with his own emotions about his affair. I feel he wants to "sweep it under the rug" and the fact that you get emotional gets to him. Maybe he does not view his A as a mistake and does not see why you are getting so bent out of shape about it. All I know is that you TWO need to work through your emotions to have a happy healthy marriage-- it will take both of you and he has to quit trying to pretend that what he did should not bother you. Or you will most likely not make it- sorry.

DO you two have Children?
Re: Why am I hanging on ????????
#1266237 01/25/05 11:06 AM
Joined: Dec 2004
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starting over in CO Offline OP
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starting over in CO
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KMEJ we have one child together I have one from a previous relationship and he has one that came from his affair. I really would like to make things work I do love him very much but it bothers me when he feels as though I should just be able to move on. I just want him to feel my pain and maybe I am wrong for that. We were married in February of 2001 and his affair began in November of 2001. Our son was born in January of 2002 and thier son was born in February of 2003. I am just not sure that it is worth it if our marriage was never strong to begin with how can we make it what it never was. Is there really any hope for this. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

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