Last week at MC my WH stated that he is hesitant to come home, because he doesn't see me changing and doesn't see himself changing. I thought it was odd because he mentioned earlier that he felt all the changes I had made for the better were all a hoax just to get him back home. He knows that I need him to be more open to me, he basically said it ain't going to happen. So I am asking myself "Why bother, why am I doing this".
I asked him today once again about the wedding ring. I asked if he thought he would ever wear it again, or what would it take. He just shrugged his shoulders like he always does, and his eyes glazed over. So the last thing I said to him was that it was hurtful and the message I was receiving was that he was not committed to me or to making the marriage work. He did say last week that he didn't wan't a divorce.
Anyhow I told him that if he didn't start wearing his ring I was done!!! Seems trivial but i am tired of investing the energy with nothing in return and if he can't at least do that for me then I AM DONE DONE DONE. I am so sick of it, sorry folks but really. As Tree has said her H almost seems happier without her...same here then why do they not get the hell out. Well time has come for me to hit the road. Hasta La Vista Baby.

I deserve so much better and he obviously can not give me what I need, and he doesn't want what I have or the changes I have made. The love is not there from him, why should I keep fooling myself that it is just a FOG and he will come out of it.
It is not about my loving him any more...it is about the sick feeling I get everytime I am around him. I am good enough for SF but not to wear his wedding ring. I am good enough to work for him, but not good enough to be at home and help with the responsibilities of raising kids.
Cake Eater, fence sitter, whatever I don't want to be a part of it anymore. This marriage is not worth it, I am bound to find something better in a heartbeat.

Give me all the 2x4's you got because Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and I am ready.

so are you going to plan B..
or are you going for a divorce.

ark

ark,

Our MC asks me to put together a list of must haves for me to continue this waiting game..and attach a committment deadline. If I don't get X,Y,Z by said date then I will move forward with the divorce proceedings. I am somewhat afraid because this may be what my WH has been waiting for all along. But I think I am ready and strong enough to do that. However I haven't really read any of the PLAN B letters posted so I don't really know if that is an option for me or not.
A friend of mine who happens to be a counselor said she thought is sounded like my WH had some major psychological issues including lack of empathy. She was doubtful that would ever change and advised me to end the relationship and start working on finding a healthier, happier one. So again, PLAN B may just prolong the inevitable. I don't know.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">sounded like my WH had some major psychological issues including lack of empathy. She was doubtful that would ever change </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Homer,
This friend/counselor... is her's yet another (new) opinion that points to what we talked about before... sorry to use the "N" word, but... Narcissism?

tqt, she didn't use that word. She actually mentioned some medical situations where people have difficulties. Namely autism, she said there are mild forms that allow people to be highly functional but unable to feel compassion for anyone. My WH looks like crap, doesn't look physically well although a physical last fall said he was fine. Still doesn't sleep, hasn't put any weight on since he left (he had lost a lot), doesn't seem to care about his appearance, and stopped taking his AD meds without consulting with his physician. His IC is not an MD and can not prescribe meds. He thinks I am the one with problems. That why I think I need to just let him go to be miserable by himself, and maybe he will realize it has npthing to do with me at all.

It is the weirdest thing and perhaps a male opinion is needed here. He is so cold and aloof. Usually responds to me with grunts or hhmmms. Never laughs or smiles BUT....if I start to seduce him with SF he turns into another human being, tender, focused. Is it really that easy to flip the switch? He never ever used to hold my hands in his face when he kissed me, now he does. (During SF only).

Homer, do you know how he is at work? His behavior?


And I'll defer the SF question to others who are lucky enough to partake in such things -- I'm now officially a Trappist Monk living in the hills of Georgia -- I decided if I could endure involuntary celibacy for this long, I might as well make a career out of it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

justcallme...

are you ready for plan B..
or are you ready to divorce...

what do YOU YOU YOU YOU want to do...

not what your counselor says
not what your friend says...

what do YOU say...

It has nothing to do with what your spouse wants or doesn't want.....

here's a plan b link...

plan b ramblings....

much strength and God's Grace to you homer....

Give me all the 2x4's you got because Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and I am ready.

homer if you want plan b or a divorce...then lets discuss that ...

if you want feedback about why the ulitimatum and powerstruggle over the ring is futile...then lets discuss that....

but YOU gotta decide... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

pray for God's clarity in these times of such chaos...
pray for serenity....

ARK

ARK...I think I knew that the ring ultimatum was futile. I realize it is a small token gesture that my WH could do for me as a step towards improving our marriage, but I also think it was/is an easy out for me. Not much emotional garbage attached to it. Now I can say that I asked him for one thing and he refused. Now I feel justified to move on without him. I think I will try PLAN B but not for long, because I am already turning away from him and our marriage at this point. All I see is a cold and callous man who will make me miserable for the rest of my life. I am ready to be loved and he is unable to provide that to me. So reality is that the PLAN B will be a last ditch effort with not a lot of hope on my part.

so there it is a decision..

don't discuss you decision with him..

write your plan b letter and post it here...

before giving it to him

ark