His name is K. He loved a woman--I suppose--and married her. Then her affair. He lost her, his two sons and the life he loved. On a plane, he met M, who listened to his tale of woe and pitied him. He felt so alive! A beautiful woman who cared about him? They were ‘making love’ within hours. All was great until she came home and had to contend with the truth. SHE WAS MARRIED. To me. K became for me the Other Man. That ‘fact’ controlled me, nearly destroyed me. But why? He’s not the other man in my life. He he’s not my son’s other father or my mother’s other son. He’s not the other one who gets to do my job or live my life. He’s not even the other man who got to know the woman who was my wife. He’s the Only Man who lives in the swirling FogWorld that WxW and he created. And that’s not very much at all.

So it is with all the OM’s and OW’s out there who invaded our marriages. Friends, let them be the Only Persons willing to play the tired Game of A. Stand in the breach. If you must, steer yourself clear. Forget about the OP, no matter what happens. Be the Bx--Better Husband, the Better Wife, the Better Person--not for your S, but for you.

His name does not matter anymore. His story started like mine but ends so differently. Two men in a storm of emotions, two men betrayed. One heads into to the fog of desire to break his ship against the waves. The Other Man turns toward the lighthouse of faith, knowing that the warming hearth of respect, rebirth, and release await. I choose to be that Other Man.

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 01:57 PM: Message edited by: dleightonc ]</small>

dlc:

Very cool, as I've recently found myself obsessing again!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

-ol' 2long

Yeah 2long, that's too much power 2 give someone who you don't want in your life. They don't think of you as much as you do them, but they fear you more (though they'll never admit it).

You have the history, the home, the patience and the principles behind you. You live eyes open. remember that.

Deigh,

I think I'm capable of achieving that mental state of detachment...but not with my children now becoming exposed to it.

WW is introducing my....our children to the OM. My son has stayed at his house...he's stayed at my WW's house while my children were there.

I cannot legally stop this. I spoken to my lawyer...I've spoken to another lawyer...can't be done!

If you have any tips on achieving tranquillity whilst my children’s moral fabric is being spun in the red light district I'd appreciate it!

D@mn DNA evidence.
D@mn Criminal Code.
D@mn Ten Commandments.

I'm helpless.

Binder, SOrry to threadjack here. I am so sorry. WH wants to have DD be polite to OW if they "accidentally" meet! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

One thing I have going for me is DD is 12. SHe is allowed to decide who she wants to live with and IF she wants to see WH if OW is with him. SHe has said a DEFINITE NO! And she can't be forced. SHe has been clear that she will get a cab home if WH tried to introduce her to the DP.

THere is unfortunately nothing short of a psychologist or therapist saying it would be harmful to them to be exposed.

Guys:

It IS hard! My WxW has brought OM around me (Son's soccer game) twice this month. Last week, they went to his home up north to meet his sons and to see snow for the first time. I continually fight against anger and despair that those moments have been tainted or taken from me.

But who is really responsible? Who, too, has the power to make new moments and have his own experiences with his children? We are their parents and there is nothing any OP can do to diminish that, as long as we do what were supposed to do in our roles.

Children see the truth. They come from truth. Love them fiercely, guide them (and guard them) the best you can. Detach from the sitch, but not from your children. Fill THEIR Emotional Needs. It may not pay off today, but you WILL have happy children if you be the better person you know you can be. Time will prove you right.