I truly don't know if I'm cut out for this - it hurts so bad. I've been bawling in front of my kids tonight(they think Mommy is just tired and sick) just because my husband said a little while ago via phone and from across the country that his answer now would not be what I want to hear. I asked if he wanted to work on our marriage when he returned - he said we could talk about it when he gets back. I guess the implication of his saying he wants to work on our marriage is that he'd have to cut things off with OW because he did agree to that I'm remembering now as a precursor to "working on things." He also said it has only been 2 weeks (since he moved into an apartment) and that his moving into an apartment meant major things were wrong. The 5 weeks since D-Day have seemed like 5 years to me. I'm so miserable at the thought that the man I married at 19 (I'm now 39) and with whom I have had 3 children could be giving another woman more than he is giving me. His albeit brief conversations lately with me have been friendlier and he did stop by to "cuddle" (no SF) before leaving on the trip last Wed a.m. I just want to feel better. The pain is almost unbearable.

I am sorry for your pain. I know Plan A is hard. You are right him saying you would not like the answer is him not willing to cut things off with the OP- I think most if not all WS say that at one time of another- I know that mine did. It does not make things easier.

The first few months are the hardest- and I believe it would be easier to lose a spouse to dealth then to abandonmant and rejection- because then your ego is not tramatized, you are not left with the fear of trust and you greive the loss and it takes years but you are not watching them flaunt their NEW life in front of you.

Again I am sorry for your pain- this is a very hard time. Try to occupy yourself with something other then thinking of your H- I know it is very very hard to do as you probably feel like you are stuck in the same spot replaying the same feelings over and over. Be there for your kids- and remember that this too shall pass.

Until then you are in my thoughts.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by verysadnow3:
I asked if he wanted to work on our marriage when he returned - he said we could talk about it when he gets back.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Listen to me.

You must not ask this sort of question while you are so freshly wounded.

STOP asking him this because his answers will all be garbage for awhile. And the garbage sets you on your heels.

Settle down. Calm yourself.

You must present a non-hysterical picture of yourself if you want your Plan A to be effective.

Plan A takes some getting used to ... and you have room for improvement... so first start by controling the urge to have endless relationship talks.

BE the relationship partner that is attractive and stop talking about it ... that is the language most men pay attention to.

"We have to talk about us." <--- Remove that from your vocabulary for a little while .... you need to gain control of yourself before you venture back into those waters.

OK?

Pep

Thanks so much, KMEJ and Pep. Pep - I especially needed that cold shower - I feel so much better <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I WILL stop talking about us and the relationship for a good while. It hit me like a ton of bricks last night that I'm just adding to my misery. I CAN do all the things I want to do for me and my kids while working on Plan A - the right kind of Plan A! Staying busy is not an issue that's for sure with 3 small boys, a full time job and the things I like to fit into a week for myself.

Yep Pep is wise!!! I never bring up our relationship, but I do break down in front of him (at least on the phone)...I wish I had a better handle on myself, but I never know when it's coming....it hits me out of left field.

I remember after I moved out and took all the furniture, including the bed, that I cried and cried when he bought a bed...(He didn't know that) It was just a mattress and boxsprings, but I was SO upset, I took it as a sign he didn't need me (Or our bed).

But little things like that mess me up. I don't know what the hell I'm doing these days. I was crying all day, then I started to feel better towards evening, and I did talk to him while feeling normal again, and he said "Hey...I finally cooked for myself."

I said "Really, what'd you make?"

He said "Baked beans with hot dogs cut up in them"

LMFAO...whoa, look out we have a chef on our hands.

He said he made my daughter spaghetti the other night, and when he said he cooked for himself like it was the first time I said "Didn't you make DD10 spaghetti Saturday?"

He said "Oh that's right, I forgot"

.....DD10 said "It was left overs"

Ding ding ding......that means she f-in made it for him. It was spaghetti with sausage as the meat instead of hamburger....he wouldn't have done that. Arrrgh don't feed my kid anything from that skank!!!!!!!!!!

Well gotta get the kids to school.....check back later.

-Caren