Hi guys-well it looks like I have cycled back down into "down and out" mode. I don't really know why-could be hormones, could be me thinking WH would realize I have changed and want to come home (although yesterday I thought I didn't want him back), or it could be I am finally going crazy.

I'm just lonely...really, really lonely. I mean I have friends and family that I see everyday and I have my kids, but I am desperately missing male companionship. Someone to cuddle w/, someone to hug and hold hands w/, someone to wake up w/.....this is NOt what I signed up for! I don't know-I guess I am having apity party tonight or something.

me and my mom took my son back to the neurologist (I told WH mom would go so he wouldn't have to) and that didn't go well. He upped his seizure medicine and he was grumpy all day. Then his cold gets worse this afternoon and I got kinda worries, so I called WH and he didn't answer his cell. I called him again and he didn't answer so I automatically assume he is w/ OW and she is more important so I go off the deep end. Anyway-when he does call (he had called before already to check on the kids) I blow up and then he does. He asks me why I have to always do this, why I get mad if he doesn't answer his phone b/c he doesn't "permanently keep it to his hip", tell me "no-he wasn't w/ OW although I would like that wouldn't I? But it isn't true and he wasn't", how he wishes we could just talk and not do this, blah, blah, blah. I told him it was b/c I was a HUMAN and not a robot and sometimes my emotions get the best of me-so excuse me. As long as I don't find fault or anything-he is fine!

I guess it just got to me that I am home dealing w/ sick kids, day to day housework, and everything else while he doesn't have to worry about it anymore.......granted I would not be anywhere else BUT w/ my kids.......but I wish he felt that way too.

Ah-I don't know....anyway-I'm done whining. Thanks for reading if you still are!

I am so sorry for your frustration, I know it well. Our Bio line is almost identical. I have a special needs son too- however not like yours. I am sorry for all you are going through, IT IS hard to hold back emotions especially when you are saddled with all the responsibility and he is betraying you and out not having a care in the world. Come here an vent any time- it is good for you and an occasional pity party is just fine with me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> - I do it too often myself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .

I hope that the stresses of your everyday life soon go down and that your so call " friend " takes a long walk off a short pier!

I feel your pain, I too greatly miss the companionship. sigh But, when I read a post like yours I realize that things can always be worse. No matter how bad you have it, someone else has it worse.

When I get like that, I need to divert my mind as much as possible. Watch a funny movie. Listen to some awesome music. Hopefully this won't offend you, but read this joke:

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, and somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey did?"

The guy says, "No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight. Sorry. I'll pay for everything."

The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar.He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?" replied the guy."Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled
it out and ate it!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. He still eats everything in sight but, ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first."

I know it doesn't make everything all better, maybe just a smile for a second.

Hang in there!!

-Christine

just so you know- I am back with my H and I still long for that- so what you want may not come from your H. Think things over and see what you want out of life. And to take a line from lemonman- be careful what you wish for you just might get it I did and I am still lonely and longing for attention and affection-

True happiness comes from within you- do not rely someone else to make you happy.

sad, how is your son? Is he feeling better? How is he adjusting to the increase? My suggestion would be to not blow up at your H anymore. Anytime you get those feelings, don't talk to him until you can calm down. It doesn't help anyone, even if he was with OW it doesn't help. Hang in there and sorry you are feeling down.

sad, I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. It seems I have had crappy days for a year now and when I'm having a good day somehow my WH spoils it for me.

I'm having a real crappy day today. Trying to clean up from the blizzard, part of my shingles fell off because of the high winds. My plumbing is acting up with leak pipes everywhere and to tops things off my car died on me. Try to get AAA for five hours until I got through around 7:30 pm and they told me to call back tomorrow morning at 10. So I missed both my jobs today.

The loneliness is a killer. When I had a bad day, my WH was always there to give me a hug and comfort me and I knew everything will be alright. I miss having him around, cuddling on the couch watching tv, sharing my day with him, going out to restaurants and just chilling with him over a nice meal, waking up with him and seeing his beautiful smile, so on and so on.

I miss him so much, but he is now thousands of miles away with the OW. In March it will be a year since I saw him. Fifteen years together and now I'm an afterthought.

This is a great place to vent, and to know you are not alone. I'm so blessed to find this website, it has kept me sane, (somewhat <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sad-and-tiredmom:
<strong> .... He asks me why I have to always do this, why I get mad if he doesn't answer his phone b/c he doesn't "permanently keep it to his hip", tell me "no-he wasn't w/ OW although I would like that wouldn't I? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">S&T,

The reverse babble response w/b something like: oh, that's right, it is hard to keep that phone on your hip without your pants on!

I am sorry you are in pain. These episodes will subside. C/b replaced with great anger so watch out for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

MommaC,

Your joke was hilarious!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

That' poor little monkey!!!

L.

Thank you guys SO much for the replies!!! I woke up this morning and found that all of you had craed enough to write to me although all of you are going through so much yourself!

I am ok this morning-I will survive all this. I know blowing up was the wrong thing to do....when will I learn to quit doing this? I feel sometimes as if I take 1 step forward and 2 steps back. I guess sometimes the stresses of day to day get to me-but thats life.

The joke was too funny-made me laugh! Thanks for that!

My son is ok-I start the new dosage today so we will see how he tolerates it. Hopefully he wil do fine. He seems to feel much better this morning so hopefully he is getting over his cold as well. I worry about him so much-and although I know his dad loves him I don't think he realizes how serious things can get w/ him in an instant. I just don't see how you could leave babies like that.......I would never do that-I would live w/ Satan himself before I would leave my kids.

Anyway-today is a new day. I am gonna make the best of it, enjoy my kids, and get back to my routine. I was doing really good b/c I was not having to see WH at all and was only talking to him 10 minutes a day-so I could forget he even existed. THEN this snowstorm came and he was stuck here.....and spent the night and I think that affected me more than I realized. At least he lives in the next town so I don't have to see him when I get out.

Well-guys I need to go and start the day w/ the kids. Thanks again for all the support-you guys are the best!

So WH husband called a few minutes ago and I was very cold to him. he said "well-I can tell you don't want to talk" and I said "nope-I don't" and he said "well-it was nice talking to you" and i said "you too". So of course, now I want to call him back and ask him just WHAT it is he wants from me? Does he want me to be nice, not nice, to talk, not to talk.....AUGH!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Of course, he also chooses to call during my son's speech therapy-which is the SAME time every week so he knows that! He knoew I couldn't get into a discussion w/ him at that moment-so he disided to be a jerk......it all just drives me nuts. Why can't we both just grow up and be adults??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sad-and-tiredmom:
<strong> ... Why can't we both just grow up and be adults?? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">U can but he may be stuck on stupid. The fog does that to the best of people. Sad but true.

Keep yourself out of that crazy place they call A. Step off the rollercoaster. He will call back.... he needs your assurance you care but may use that against you.... so be careful.

L.

So I did end up calling him and asking him what he wants out of me. He said he just didn't know why yesterday was such a big deal to me and I said "I'm not talking about yesterday, I am talking about today". I told him I just didn't know what he wanted from me. He said "I know-sometimes even I don't know what I want". I told him if I acted like he did today, then he would tell me that I needed to calm down, not make things into a big deal, etc. he said "your right-I'm sorry". I told him I know he feels bad, I know he is tired......but geez....I'm by no means perfect but I think I deserve the same things he wants. He said "no-your as good as gold to me....I'm just having a hard week." I said "no, WH, I'm not saying I am perfect-I know I have my moments and sometimes I overreact....just wondering what you want". So, it wasn't a bad conversation-just didn't get anywhere. Sometimes I think he may be coming out of the fog and then it sucks him back in-thinker than ever!