Letter sent by mail to WW, that she noted in email to me yesterday:

Dear WW,

I wanted to take a few moments to tell you some of what I have come to a realization of over the last few weeks. This is not intended to serve as a sermon to you or anything like that; I only ask that you please take the time to read it with an open mind.

Since 3:00AM on 11/27/2004, I have asked God for forgiveness for my failures, and for His will to be done in my life. As I have prayed, I have received a new perspective on marriage, and what my role ought to be as a husband and father.

I have been directed to Genesis 2.18 where God said “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a helper fit for him”. To me this shows that marriage has been God’s plan even from the beginning of the formation of the earth. Genesis 2:24 goes on to describe what should happen in marriage “Therefore a man shall his father & mother and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” I never realized exactly what God was telling me before now, but I now understand that when he joined us together we did indeed become “one flesh.” I further understand the pain and suffering that happens when a single body is torn into two pieces.

I also understand that this tearing apart of our flesh may have been avoided if I had only truly believed God’s word & plan for our lives. In 1 Corinthians God tells me that my body is not my own, but it belongs to my wife, and likewise hers belongs to me. All through our marriage I never gave my body to you fully, and when you tried to give yours to me I did not respect that gift. I now see that I have been a fool. Ephesians 5:23 instructs me “ the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.” Being the spiritual head of our household is a directive from the Lord. I know that I didn’t understood what that meant, and I tried to use that authority to the wrong ends. Further, verses 25-30 show me “Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies” the next line sums up some of what I never realized about myself “He who loves his wife, loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.”

The reason I bring this up is that I never realized that I never fully loved myself (I could give you many reasons, but that would only serve as rationalizing my past) and therefore I never fully allowed myself to love you, as I should have. I now better understand the true love that the Lord has for me, and I believe I am better able also to love you, as I should. I was so caught up in the verses that tell a wife how to behave instead of the verses that told me how I ought to love you. I never had the right to expect of you what I wasn’t giving to you.

I now know that I have an obligation, and a duty that I should have been cheerfully fulfilling to lead my household in prayer, and instruction of Jesus word. I should’ve been the priest that brought the petitions of my wife & children before the Lord, I should’ve lead you in prayer for our family, and all that was in our lives so that God’s word in Matthew 18.20 “Where two or more are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” would have been fulfilled. God’s word instructs me to be the priest of my household, not the judge or lord over it, that role is for Jesus alone.

As you may be aware, I never had an example of a Godly father, or husband to follow while growing up. I did have the instructions of the Word, if I would’ve only opened my eyes and chose to see them. I am thankful that God has opened my eyes, I feel like the man that was born blind in John 9. I truly believe that Jesus made some mud from the mess I created in our lives and put it on my eyes, so that my tears would wash it and my eyes would be opened. I never really needed my father, or stepfather to be the example for me, all I needed was Jesus, and the example he had always been. I am so grateful to the Lord for being my heavenly Father, and for granting me sight in these and other matters. Thank You Jesus!

With greater clarity, I am able to see many other areas of my life where I need to improve. I am working through Jesus to be a better father, and I pray that through Him I will be able to lead our son back to the Lord. I am also very wary of any hurt that may be lying below the surface in Lisa. I am encouraged in that DS is no longer resistant to my praying over him each night at bedtime, and DD even makes certain that I know when she is ready for bed so that I can pray with her. The Lord is so good, he is showing me that “His word will not return void”, and for that I am forever thankful.

I am especially thankful for the parable of the seed in Matthew 13. I realize that in 1992 I was the rocky ground, in that the word was sown in me, but because I did not take care to prepare the soil, it fell among the rocks. It sprouted, and grew, but because it had no room for it to take root it soon withered away. I now am working diligently to insure that the soil stays fresh & fertile so that the Word will grow, and thrive in my life, and produce seed of its own.

I also know that I must continue to strive to be the man that God intended me to be as I make changes in my life. I know that since God gave all of us free will I cannot try to change anyone other than myself. I will continue to pray for all of those in my life that God’s will to be done in their lives as it is being done in mine.

I am aware that what I have written here may not fully summarize all that was wrong with our marriage, but it my at least be a good starting point to begin to repair it. I am also reminded of Matthew 18.22 that tells us that we must forgive “seventy times seven” those that have hurt us. I have been praying that God will help me to have true forgiveness in my heart to those in my life, past & present that have hurt me. I forgive them, and I also pray that those I have hurt might forgive me. If those I have hurt cannot forgive me, then that is something I can live with for I know that when I have repented and asked Jesus to forgive my sins, He is just and has forgiven me, and cleansed my soul.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, it is my sincere desire that this letter serves only the purpose of informing you of the wonderful changes that Jesus is making in my life. I know his work in my life is not complete, I also know that I must continue to seek His face so that his work in me may one day be complete. I also want you to know that you are loved, and missed. I pray that God’s plan for your life may also be accomplished.


In His Love,

<small>[ February 11, 2005, 03:30 PM: Message edited by: Hosea_2004 ]</small>

Hosea - it's a very good letter, very sincere and I understand what you are waying - am going there myself. To tell you the truth, and others may not agree, or may - I don't know - while it was entirely truthful, it seems to be 'feeding the A' a bit - giving her strength to continue in her 'A' while you admit what a failure you have been - which she has used against you all along.

I know, because I did pretty much the same thing, and my WW uses my admissions to switch direction from her actions back to my 'causing this by letting her down.' However, I figure, since I appologized, and asked for her forgiveness, whether she gives it or not, I have done the right thing, and I don't have to go there again. God has forgiven me, as He promised, and I pray that she will too. I just no longer go into the appology mode at all any more.

Maybe that's why you sent that email - it's all you ever need to do regarding your past - all you ahve is your future, and the knowledge that you can always ask forgiveness for anything you may do that is wrong, and keep on in the Lord. Whatever you do, you've admitted it, she knows it, it's water under the bridge now, she can't use it for ammo unless you accept it.

My prayers are for you...

David

Thanks David,

Yes my letter was in a way an apology, but more than that I wanted to impress on her what the Lord has to say about marriage without it coming across as a DJ or an LB. I needed to try to get her to return to the Lord, and hopefully I have been able to accomplish that.

I have no need to apologize to her again, unless it is in the opening of my Plan B letter. I did not force her to whore around on me. she made that choice on her own, and I did not make her abandon her kids, she chose to replace them with OM's kids of her own free will.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Hosea_2004:
<strong> Thanks David,

Yes my letter was in a way an apology, but more than that I wanted to impress on her what the Lord has to say about marriage without it coming across as a DJ or an LB. I needed to try to get her to return to the Lord, and hopefully I have been able to accomplish that.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You did, and are, Hosea...

David

Hosea,

Sorry it has taken so long for me to get over here. At first I was confused about what plan you are in, but I gather you are not yet officially in Plan B because no Plan B letter has been delivered, right?

I am so very very very glad that you filed due to the situations she has placed your kids in. I'm sorry...no amount of desire to recover a marriage should matter when it comes to the safety and well being of the most innocent ones of all..our kids.

I think your letter was very dear and very well intentioned. I take it you sent it more because you needed to, right? Personally, I may have gently suggested if you had posted before sending it (lol..and I had gotten here quick enough) that you instead use some of the sections about your love for her and your acknowledgment of some ownership of the state (pre-affair) of your marriage, and turned it into a Plan B letter.

Your wife's actions are not just abusive to you (which ALL WS's actions are), they are so very abusive to your kids. The "act" of playing the perfect mom is to impress the court and to alleviate a pang of guilt or two. Do not trust her to put anyone first but herself and her high (the A).

I would definitely get the Plan B letter to her before court and stop talking to or communicating with her in any way except via an intermediary (regarding kids) or via email. No personal contact. Your wife needs some additional consequences for her behavior (not delivered vengefully or with disrepect) and she needs them quickly.

I apologize if I have gotten any facts wrong or overlooked something. I scanned your post very quickly, so I may have something wrong. I will try and return later this weekend to see how you are doing if time permits...

(((Hosea)))

Regards,

FYR

Hosea,

My heart goes out to you. I share your pain and pray for you and your kids.

You can apoligize to your wife but remember, it is her choice. She has chosen this path of destructive behavior. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Keith

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FYR:
<strong> Hosea,

I gather you are not yet officially in Plan B because no Plan B letter has been delivered, right?

correct

Do not trust her to put anyone first but herself and her high (the A).

I don't

I would definitely get the Plan B letter to her before court and stop talking to or communicating with her in any way except via an intermediary (regarding kids) or via email. No personal contact. Your wife needs some additional consequences for her behavior (not delivered vengefully or with disrepect) and she needs them quickly.

OK, why BEFORE we go to court? She already doesn't contact me except for the kids, and that is by email, so I'm not certain if Plan B will be consequences for her, or me.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">FYR,

Thank you for your input.

BHINWI,

TY for the prayers, and I FULLY REALIZE that she made these choices.

<small>[ February 12, 2005, 09:37 AM: Message edited by: Hosea_2004 ]</small>