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Relating to my ongoing series of Q & A's please answer the following. With keeping in mind that the past cannot be changed; what could/should your WS do to "get you back" and you two become "the best that you can be"? Note: Tell us your "best-case-scenario" for your answers. FR <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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Oh RF, you are baiting us this morning. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> An answer c/b: Develop and implement a solid recovery plan. Impelement RH (radical honesty), POJA (policy of joint agreement), learn to communicate (His Needs/Her Needs info, etc.), work with good MC as needed, spend sufficient + quality time together as a couple and family, look out for the interests of others (H & W), show consideration for each other, show love, care and compassion, reestablish the trust between both mates, validate and reassure each other of your care, love and loyalty, treat one another tenderly. I am sure there are more. That was just my list when I started. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> L.
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Well, in my dreams I want H to fully understand how badly his actions have hurt me.
From that I want a full, 100% apology, maybe even some tears and a solid promise to do whatever it takes on his part to repair the damage and have me trust him again.
And then the follow-up....actions.
You did say best-case scenario, right?
This would make me ecstatic.
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Hmmm, you writing a book? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> WH would get IC and continue MC. He would surround himself with strong Christian men and learn to be the "man of the house". He would cut all ties with OW including leaving his massage therpay practice. He would get a "real job" and start working to support his family so I wouldn't have to work so much. If there was something else he felt he truly wanted to do for a living, he would seek out more education to make himself more marketable and better able to support his family. He would support RH and the POJA (like O said). He would attend church regularly and read the bible. He would grow into a stronger, healthier person and lead his family in the way of the Lord, allowing this tired, BS to step back and let go of some of the responsibilities. He would make regualr time for US to reconnect. He would work as hard to A-proof this marriage. He would lift a finger around this house, and stop acting like just another child leaving his dishes and clothes wherever. He would RESPECT me as his loving W and support me when I needed him to be strong. He would deal with the abuse and pain of his childhood and let that little boy inside finally be at peace. He will become the man of integrity that I know he wants to be. That I believe he could be with God's help. Well... you did ask! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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Well, to be honest...I don't think at this point there is anything that my WH could do to win me back but.... maybe if he stop all contact with OW started showing that he could be an honest, trustworthy human being. showing some remorse for what he's done to me and our son. Setting a plan in motion that he is going to give 100% percent to try and get our M on track. Showing me that he does love me and wants to be a family. Gosh...I actually hadn't thought of any of this until you asked this question. It would take a h*ll of a lot to save this marriage. I just don't see it. It might have been different several months ago. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh RF, you are baiting us this morning. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Orchid: OK; now how about your unabashed, non-PC, let it all hang out run on the beach naked answers! Please! M&L: Same to you! Let your hair down! This is to be FUN! It's your chance to state your BEST CASE SCENARIO!!! You never know who may be lurking - so lay it out there!!! </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmm, you writing a book? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> SadMom: A little better; but still too reserved. Tell me what you want!!! Make it count! Pretend like WS asked this and means it! To All: Step out of WS mode and into Ecstatically Married mode! Tell us what you want! Keep it PG-13, but spicy! FR <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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I want my WH to repent and mean it.
I want him to get rid of the OW's info from his PC.
I want him to wear his wedding ring and never take it off.
I want him to help me with the house cleaning at least twice a month.
I want him to not golf at the course he met the OW at.
I want him to come home by dinner time 3 times a week.
I want him to tell me and show me that he loves me daily.
I want him to smile because that is one thing I fell in love with.
I want him not to criticize me.
I want him to admitt it when he is wrong.
I want him to tell me he thinks I am sexy.
I want him to tell me that I am important to him and he couldn't imagine life without me.
most importantly I want him to tell me he doesn't love me if he doesn't and let me go.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Racefisher: <strong> ...Orchid: OK; now how about your unabashed, non-PC, let it all hang out run on the beach naked answers! Please! FR <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well the reason why I can't do this is there are signs posted "DO NOT SCARE THE TOURISTS" LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Guess there are a few other reasons. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Where is that blushing icon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Let's see what other constructive responses you get. Good idea. Let us vent in a constructive manner. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> L.
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OK...I'll bite.
Besides all the NC, MC, apology to OMW, quit her present job, back to church stuff?
She has to start posting here and ask Pep how to pique my “interest†in the middle of the night...Pep had some EXCELLENT advice on that some time ago. I’ve also heard her give similar advice on how to rid oneself of the “ghost†of the OP. That is best case scenario. To find out what it was ask Pep.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Binder: She has to start posting here and ask Pep how to pique my “interest†in the middle of the night...Pep had some EXCELLENT advice on that some time ago. I’ve also heard her give similar advice on how to rid oneself of the “ghost†of the OP. That is best case scenario. To find out what it was ask Pep. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ~LOL~ OMGAWD.... laughing laughing laughing Pep
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This is an easy one. I've been working on this list in my head for a while.
1. Immediately call OW in my presence and tell her GOODBYE forever! Say he does not love her and that he made the biggest mistake of his life (or one of them since she is at least #4 to WH).
2. NEVER contact OW again...and I mean NEVER! No email, no voice mail, no phone calls, letters or text messaging. And of course no personal contact.
3. Get rid of text messaging on phones and maybe picture package as well. (They've sent tons of pix. back and forth.)
4. Got to MC alone and with me for as long as I say to who I pick.
5. Get another man as an accountability partner that I approve.
6. NEVER act annoyed when I ask about his whereabouts or what he's doing, who he's talking to, etc.
7. Get tested for STDs. (YUCK!)
That's what I got so far. I add to it as I think of new things.
The outcome of #7 would determine IF we could even go forward.
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ok, i might have read this too quickly but i believe only on BH responded and his response has to do with Pep's advice from another post some time ago (yes, i know what you are referring too!)
MEN!!!!!
ok, to be fair, he did start with one line about a few other things but notice which thing got more sentences!!
and just to be sure you understand my mood as i type this...
you got me genuinly smiling for the first time today!!! men can be soooo predictable and easy to please.
actually they only make it sound like they are predictable and easy to please, i know for a fact, my husband at least, is not that easy to predict (but sometimes that is a very good thing!!) nor is he always that easy to please.
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ahhhh, FR, if wishes were kisses.... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">With keeping in mind that the past cannot be changed; what could/should your WS do to "get you back" and you two become "the best that you can be"? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He should apologize from the bottom of his heart for the pain he has caused his family. If it is true and not just fog that he always had doubts and he married me because he wasn't ready to lose me, then he should apologize for being so evilly manipulative and would have to show that he's ready to make things right. I would need TRUE UNDERSTANDING of how this has been for me. IE, he knows that he's hurt me, but I still don't think he understands. I would want a "thank you" for standing for our marriage when he was ready to throw it away. He would need to go to IC as well as MC. He would need to put in 110% even when he didn't feel like it. He would need to court me every day for the rest of his life. Not as a punishment--but because he wouldn't be able to stand to lose me. He would need to take care of me, and allow me to take care of him. He would need to have a plan for our future. He would need to be more supportive of me and my efforts. Flowers twice a week would be nice. 5 O's a week would be even nicer...lol. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I would want him to gain the abiity to forgive me as much as I've foriven him. FR, this is all in an ideal world. I would take my H back under less than stellar circumstances, but some of this stuff I would NOT give up. Some of it is a requirement.
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NC
Completely accept my love and reject all others.
NC
Call me and tell me of her undying love a couple of times a day.
NC
Of course NC and how about learning how to forgive me for my lack of sensitivity in the past.
NC
Help develop a plan that works for us to rebuild our marriage. Does not have to be MB but it must be something that helps us go in a positive manner.
O did I mention NC?
Yes predictable.
Along with all of the other "PC" responses...
As a man my I want my little mrs. to show me that she really wanted to work things out my seducing me occassionally new and intersting ways.
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Very Good All! Keep em comin... Maddy: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> 5 O's a week would be even nicer...lol. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You crack me up! My screen also fogged up a bit!!! FR
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Racefisher,
BTW: I am xH not BxS.
With keeping in mind that the past cannot be changed; what could/should your WS do to "get you back" and you two become "the best that you can be"?
None.
I made my decision when my status is changed that is the end of any possibilities of reconciling. I refers it as the door has been lock and I threw away the key. I have seen many doors and windows open and why the heck I want to open that locked door ?.
The best scenario for her is get my 2 D out from her A and start become a mom. Then I would treat her like the mother of my 2 D ... not as a freind or anything. Right now I am in NC and I will keep it that way until she become a mom to my 2 D. Right now she is still WxW and full of fog.
-rh-
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grin, well...you wanted us to not be too PC, right??
What would really make my day??
If he showed up here unexpectedly (and saw my nice clean house) with 100 Gerberer (sp?) Daisies of all colors. If he got down on his knees and begged for my forgiveness--not only for his A, but more for what he's put me through in the last year. His tears of sorrow and apology would be enough to keep those daisies in water for a year. If he forgave me for everything that I did, and said that he knows people can change and can't believe he almost didn't give me that chance. That giving me that chance also lets him see that HE can change and he doesn't have to be the way he is. Yeah, sometimes I want the begging and I'm not too proud to admit that.
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LOL @ GG up there. NC is huge, and I feel like it is impossible as long as they both work in the same building even if he is a "hermit in his office". Me? Holding back? Seriously? Do you not see how much I want there? Actually, I do believe I would be an infinitly happy person if my H became the strong Christian man I deserve. Be a father to our children and keep his &*%^ in his pants (except for me of course <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )
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I want him to bare all and be completely honest -take alie detector test - I want to wake up hearing say loving things to me. Take me away and romance -yeah romance would be nice. Woo me back again , But be honest -tell where he wants to be with us in 10-20-30 years. Hold me in front of others and kiss me. really kiss me. Tell people how lucky he is. I want the owomen to hear a heart felt letter how he was blind and when he opened his eyes he saw how horrible they were compared to his wonderful - sexy beautiful wife. To never contact him again. He does not to ever hear from them. Then I want him to beg me to forgive him -follow the MB program -read it on his own without me printing the pages. Tell me how sorry he is for the last 2 years of verbal abuse. That he will cut his tongue out before he ever does that again. Promise me that if the one that owns the store has phone problems he will explain to boss he can not work on her store phone or call me and ask me to meet him there while he works. So I can glare at her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Sound good and probably want more -a romantic cruise, ak me to renew our vows. what ever -I do not hold my breath.
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