overview of my situation: me 46, WH 48 OW his secretary 32. D day late october, he didn´t deny A but only answered my questions yes/no and said that A was not important.Refused to speak and said it was "all settled" we would separate after Xmas as I suggested.Exposure to family, friends amd co workers. He never said anything about it. Plan B started 26th december. It has been a month and he follows everything requested in my plan B letter. Has only sent 2 e mails regarding financial matters to which I answered "OK" and I talked to him once when he took away my access to our joint account. He is paying the bills and seeing DDs often. A continues, OW is probably living with him although nobody knows.
My question is: is the fect that he is complying to my requests in plan b letter about NC a good sign or a bad sign?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cc46:
<strong>My question is: is the fect that he is complying to my requests in plan b letter about NC a good sign or a bad sign? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Neither and unless and until he follows the condition that you have described in plan B letter ... don't try to read him, you will go nuts.

Keep moving along as if you would be Dv'ed tomorrow minus dating someone.

-rh-

CC, stay out of his head. Spend this time in your own. I know it's hard. I've been there. I AM there.

Protect yourself from information and interpretation. Try to forget all that.

{{{{CC}}}}

GC

cc46,

I agree with redhat and graycloud. I am also plan b since 4-19-04. If you try to hinge your life on every little occurence as if it has a positive or negative effect on your M, you WILL go crazy. Hang in there , you have a long road and wild ride to go.

Thanks RH, Cymanca and GC for your replies. I have followed your stories.Cymanca,if Iñm notmistaken you are a surgeon, right? both WH and I are Mds. I don´t think I can plan B for as long as you have. GC has also been very patient and that´s the hardest part.
I am now realizing that I should consider WH dead and not think of him at all. That is the hardest part, I am still very sensitive and cry alot, specially these last fewdays. Yesterday was my birthday... He had sent me a book as a present on friday and sent me a kiss thru a phone call with one of Ds.
Sometimes I have so little hope...
I don´t post much because I have nothing to tell, which is very sad. Just trying to get on with my life but not really knowing how to.

cc46,

Yes, it seemed in the beginning of my plan B, the only time I could stop crying was in the OR and in front of patients. I know this is the mantra here at MB, but it does get better/easier. Granted I am sans children. My practice and my office staff are my link to reality. I was just in Costa Rica for some CME hours, I'll be honest I wanted to call my office and tell em I wasn't coming back.

Still here, and doing my best to keep myself functioning <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Gosh Cymanca, I cried all morning and most of the afternoon yesterday and my DDs saw it but I told them it was something I needed to do. At this moment there is a huge fire at the beach where WH used to take OW on the weekends, same house we spent our honeymoon in and all the last 18 summers... and it may get caught in the fire. Wh calls DDs to tellthem he may go over there to try and save some stuff... maybe that´s what´s got to me..
Crying is a big relief

cc46,

I would prescribe a good 10 minute cry prn. It works wonders.

I just saw a local reverend as a patient. He has been enormously helpful with just simple messages like "you are in our congregations special prayer". Don't broadcast what is going on but don't shut out your patient's and staff. They can be a source of enormous strength.

cc46

(((((be strong)))))

crying in the shower is best the water just keeps on flowing.

I have been hiding.

WH is back home but i think it was a mistake. When we met last thurs night he said all the right things for 40 minutes as soon as he saw me accept him i almost saw him withdraw but h is back. Working on him he says he loves me does not want to loose his family but needs to extract himself from OW in his own way it could take 2 months.

He is definitely on planet zod.

Anyway OW away for 2 weeks so i am giving him the next 10 days.

WH followed my Plan B letter to the letter for the 5 days he was away too. Maybe it is the medical training now you should know about that, opps no of course you cant you are not a man (alien from planet zod).

Havent posted as mimi will be so disappointed as i am myself for not sticking to Plan B. So i am in hiding but just had to answer your thread my thoughts are with you i know your pain.

Do you practice at the moment if not maybe you should think about starting again.

Are you in the cape.

Dying Here Thank God you are back, you had me worried. I hope you are successful with your recovery, your plan B was so short!!!!
I just cried in the shower,but will have to wait until later when I can go to my room because DDs are having friends over. I like them to have their friends here.

<small>[ January 25, 2005, 06:32 PM: Message edited by: cc46 ]</small>

cc -

Plan B is quite boring. Nothing ever happens at first. When I went into Plan B, I had nothing to post. Day after day, there was no news.

But Plan B is usually the answer to this whole thing. You will get some peace and relief from the rollercoaster.

It may take some time for your spouse to come around.

How is your support system do you have family there. Yours or his.

Now we are not in recovery he still wants to sit on the fence somewhat. I feel he is telling me one thing and doing another. Yes he says he wants to extract himself but he still feels he has to help her somewhat. So basically he wants to keep his options open.

He told his parents we are having problem his father went balistic had a funny turn. I think this is why he is telling me he is going to extract himself. You notice he neve said end it.

I have been to a lot of third world countries so i know how the system works for women just keep pluging away. How about the country next door maybe a short flight come home at weekends?

okay re read you post not a female thing just your speciality i got it.

We both have family and both families are very supportive of me and condone WH´s A but since he pretends that he´snot having an A, and avoids contacting anybody exposure hasn´t had much effect effect yet.

I wish I could move away but jobs are difficult to get.I´m hoping for one to come along shortly... we have new government in march and maybe things will change.will keep my fingers crossed.

BTW, DH, you should start your own thread and get some advice about your sitch.seems quite complicated to me.

bump

Hi, CC.

Did I read your post wrong? You said your WH was doing the NC thing but OW was probably living with him? That is not complying to a NC. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

FAA, what I meant is that he respects my request of NC with me! He might send me a message thru DDs but he has not phoned me and always lets us know when he is coming to the house.
He never even hinted at ending the affair, actually he doesn´t even consider it an affair, he talks (the few times he has) as though it was a mistake!!!! (repeated lots of times and still being repeated) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

OOOHHHHH! Another Dork! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

HAve you noticed how many WS lose their mind during an A? I sure wish I could get mine committed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .Or at least defogged.

<small>[ January 26, 2005, 10:13 AM: Message edited by: fightingalone-again ]</small>

CC:

I wasn't sure where to find you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I was counseled by Steve Harley to protect myself legally and financially when my H left.

I really think you need to see an attorney so that the OW does not have access to money that is rightfully yours. He is now totally under her influence.

My FWH, now really my H again, signed a very lucrative (for me) separation agreement, in which I was entitled to alimony and child support.

I'm sure that caused some LBing with the OW, too. He signed it without question, though. I maintained access to his checking account and did not wait for him to send it to me. I transferred it to mine. My FWH was so fogbrained that he did care about money, only about her. Being involved in an A is so self-destructive.We are still trying to get back on our feet financially. I had to take care of myself and our children. I think the OW did want his money although he did not believe it at the time.

GAINING RESPECT AND TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF IS ALSO A CRUCIAL PART OF PLAN B as indicated in PEP's suggestion to DYING HERE.