I am so furious right now...he stomped out after insulting me and my skills....I just want to spit! (that would probably be more productive than pounding my fist on the desk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> which is making it throb.)

Here's a little recent history: we are really in a money crunch right now and until our seasonal business resumes which is a few months away. We have been going over some ideas of ways to cut the bills and save more money but it is gonna be difficult.

He has not come right out and said that he thinks it is my fault we are so broke but he keeps throwing things out verbally that indicate he thinks it is (the DJ's). He is mad because I said something off the cuff last night that hurt his feelings...I apologized but he continued to huff so I left the room and just looked at a catalog so he might cool down. He did, we apologized, all was fine.

Today, we've been doing just fine and he brings up something we can do to change our cash flow a little and it all makes sense..but he just blurted out that we are gonna change this particular thing and that's what we need to do. I said "how we gonna do that". I don't know, we just will. This is a project that involves moving our office back into our house, at about the same time a young man will be coming home from basic training and will be living with us, and also our college daughters stuff all back in to the house with the office stuff. And we have a 3 bedroom house that is about 1500 square feet...not big at all. So, back to our office in our home, 5 full time people and one college kid back and forth till spring then full time for the summer...with 3 bedrooms. Oh and did I mention that in July our previous foreign exchange student may come stay for a month or so before she starts college in the U.S.? And, that our "season" for the business is summer?

[censored]. I really don't want to do this. I know it makes financial sense to do this but at what cost? My sanity? Maybe that is a figment of my imagination anyway. No sanity here.

It is something I am willing to work toward but he is just adamant about right now. With no discussion. It's not the idea, but the presentation. And his blow-up when I asked a question. He had no answer for "how" we do it but was mad I didn't just get all excited about it.

I'm so pi$$ed right now....when he left he told me look at this mess....(my desk etc.)..this is no big deal, it ain't that hard but you can't seem to do it. And he's right about the mess. I told him I don't know how to do it right but I try. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> He pointed at all the filing and said "all this should be in there (pointing to the file cabinet), why is it laying around.

I am going to spend the night at the office tonight...it has an extra bed..and think about this. I really can't go on like this. He says he can't discuss this with me because I'm so disrespectful and then follows with all those disrespectful things and more! WTF?

I'm really hurt by the things he said. I have held my tongue...but it's slipping...I want to LB so bad!

How do I handle this? Grrrrrrrrr...

<small>[ January 25, 2005, 05:42 PM: Message edited by: marriedandlonely ]</small>

Well, where would LB'ing get you? Can you talk low and sweet to him instead and ask him to discuss his ideas and fears with you? My H reacts much better when I show my soft side instead of my angry, reactive side.

I know LB's will get me nowhere. I didn't do it. I am very frustrated and want to tell him a few things! But I won't.

I have stayed calm and tried to only talk back with facts, and not even bothering to defend myself..just told him that what he is saying is hurtful..because he just said he didn't want me to say hurtful things but is saying nasty hurtful things to me.

Man, just when I think we're doing better and communicating better and then a big ole frickin mess. So frustrating.

I don't want to be blamed for being broke. I am not faultless, but neither is he. I will try to figure out how to tell him I understand my responsibility for our finances and my desire to change my behaviour. But I don't want to be demoralized for it.

Thanks for responding...I am feeling quite desperate.

stumbling, all I am saying is he may not hear you if you are upset or angry or defensive. I would not even try to defend myself but try maybe to just listen, let him vent and then ask him calmly what his solution would be. I am sorry you are having a hard time, these ups and downs are very difficult.

Thank you for your reply. Sorry it took so long to get back...my internet has been down since last night!

The things I told him (abut his words were hurtful and any other thing I said) was as he was leaving, not during the speech.

This morning I told him I have been thinking about our discussion and told him I can't do it like this anymore. I said I will not let him be so disrespectful to me while he is talking to me. I told him I am willing to discuss anything at all to help us with finances, but not the way it went last night. I am tired of being yelled at and blamed and I won't allow it anymore.

I told him I know what we'll do with the office. I'm gonna live there. And, I'm gonna go get a job so I can be around happy people that are out living life and not just sitting around being miserable.

I told him I was proud of the changes I had made in myself and I had improved everything he had complained about way back. I am happy, I like myself, I like to be out with other people again and life is good. And he is still not happy with me.

Ya know what he said? "o.k." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Oh well. We read an article about fixing your finances and steps to take. He said it was really good. So, in trying to decide how to approach a few of our small pesty bills, I presented an option (many actually) that was from that book. He said he didn't like it, would rather go with the other plan. I said o.k., and did it the other way. In his fit last night he insulted me for the first plan as being rediculous. Can't win. Quit trying. I'm over it.