I was reading a site asking if a marriage can be "first class" postA. I said no because you will always have the memories, the thoughts, the visions of the affair. It is something you can never forget. I think with time you will heal more and more if the WS stops what he is doing but for me it's been 2 years and the thoughts are so fresh in my head. I don't know how to repair the damage that has been done. My situation is somewhat extreme. There were multiple women. There were multiple events. Even after D-day there have been questionable events. But I just don't know how to heal. I also don't take any responsibility for what my H did. He will tell you and so will I that we had a great marriage. We hardly argued. We get along great! He seemed to be lost. We were newly married. I worked, he couldn't find a job. He didn't let his past go. We were intimate almost every day. It seemed that he was looking for something where he didn't have to be responsible. He was overwhelmed by the responsibility of H and father. I just don't feel that I played any part in what he did. So to say that our marriage before I found out about the A was not too good is so hard for me to handle. It was great! I guess he's been searching for something to make him feel whole for a long time though. Maybe the marriage for him wasn't that great. But I don't know how it could have been any better for him. I don't really know. My main thought is that maybe our marriage now can be better but can someone tell me how . . . How do you stop the thoughts of him and other women? How do you stop the thoughts every time he's gone and you're not sure where? How do you not look through the cell phone bill and want to call every number on it??? When does true healing and trusting start again?

Chaverskev,

SLOW DOWN, TAKE A DEEP BREATH!!!!!

First, I am sorry that you are here, but I think you will agree in time, that finding MB was good for you.

Next, READ everything you can on this site, especially the concepts, then get & read "Surviving an Affair". This will give you a good foundation to build from.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I also don't take any responsibility for what my H did. He will tell you and so will I that we had a great marriage. We hardly argued. We get along great! He seemed to be lost. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">While it may be true that you hardly argued, and got along great, if you do more deep introspection, you will see that Emotional Needs were not being met. Don't worry, it's still not your fault he had the multiple A's. He is an adult, and HE made decisions.

You also have decisions you need to make, once those are made, you can begin the process.

I hope you get the M you want, and you deserve after all of this.

Lots of praying and lots of time!!!!!!